Risking It All Ch. 02 by Ozscribe,Ozscribe

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New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings

Lao Tzu

Public speaking has never been my forte. The afternoon of the awards presentation saw me nervous and agitated as I ran through the points I wanted to make over and over in my mind. The team had done a fantastic job with the presentation. Jaimie’s art was photo-realistic and really popped from the pull-up banners that we would set up alongside the presentation. However, it only served to pique my anxiety as it all now rested on me to not fuck it up.

As I walked into the room with the judging panel, I felt the weight of the situation crashing in on me. Chloe had come to help set up the presentation with one of my other staff and she slipped little looks at me as she worked. As the presentation came up on the projection screen behind me and the room lights dimmed, she took my wrist and squeezed, conveying her encouragement. Her gesture was enough to take the edge off my nerves and while I wouldn’t say I wowed the panel with a slick presentation, I did manage to cover most of what I had intended to convey. I found I was far more at ease by the time we got to the questions from the panel. Besides, talking about the technical aspects of the design process was far more familiar to me than trying to provide a sales pitch.

To their credit, the judging panel were very encouraging and it was not quite the inquisition that I had expected. The questions devolved into a discussion of design principles and when I reflected on the presentation later on that evening, I was unable to put my finger on the point at which I actually started to enjoy the chat. Certainly, we went well over the time that had been allotted to my presentation and the warmth of the group as we finished up left me feeling buoyed.

Sitting alone outside the meeting room was Chloe. She looked up at me as I came out of the room and her smile broadened as she saw my expression. I walked over to her and held my arm out inviting her to take it. She picked up her handbag and stood looping her arm in mine.

“It went well, I take it,” she observed.

“I’m not going to give up my day job to be a news presenter, but I didn’t embarrass myself,” I replied smirking.

We strode out of the building to the parking lot.

“Do I get to know where we are going now?” She asked as we reached her car. The light wind fanned through her hair and carried her perfume to me. Although her arm was looped in mine, the distance she maintained between us was evident.

“I was thinking of wine and tapas. Does that sound ok?” I asked.

“Sure,” she replied, the uncertainty about what we would discuss evident in her slightly furrowed brow.

We drove separately to the small tapas bar nearby. I had made a reservation in advance so we didn’t need to wait despite the queues from the entrance. As we were guided to our table, the noise of the other couples and music, together with the subdued lighting meant we were afforded some privacy to talk. The waitress took our orders and then slipped away as I turned to Chloe.

I could see she was nervous and contemplating what I might be about to say to her. I was nervous too. I had practiced my speech many times over, but in that moment, seeing her tension and uncertainty, I forgot it all. I loosened my tie and pulled it over my head, stuffing it in my pocket. I undid the top button of my dress shirt, using the time to collect my thoughts.

“I’ve missed you,” I said honestly, meeting her timid gaze.

“I’ve missed you, Alex,” she replied quietly.

“I hated where we left things between us,” I started. “I don’t think you realise what you’ve come to mean to me.”

She went to say something but I gestured for her to let me finish. “I want to hear what you have to tell me, but first I need to get a few things off my chest that I should have said six months ago.”

“I’m sorry for the position I put you in. I was absorbed with my own problems and I didn’t think about how our relationship was affecting you.” Chloe’s ears seemed to perk up slightly at the mention of a relationship.

“I didn’t want to hurt you.” I declared. “I needed to stop making excuses for the mess my personal life was in and make some changes.”

I lent back as the waitress placed our drinks on the table and asked if we were ready to order food. I requested a few minutes to consider. As she walked away, I saw that Chloe’s eyes had clouded with tears. I reached my hand out and placed it over hers.

“I’ve told Jess that I’m filing for divorce. I moved out a couple of weeks ago.” I continued.

“My decision has nothing to do with you. I should have ended things a long time ago. I’m telling you now because I have something to ask you and I need you to know where things stand with me.” I said.

Taking her hand gently between mine I leaned in further. “I want to be with you, Chloe. Could you give me a second chance?”

Chloe was fighting a losing battle to stem the tears. Her mascara was creating inkblots on the napkin. After a few minutes she composed herself enough to speak.

“I feel like such an idiot crying like this,” she started. “I thought you’d moved on.”

“No, I just didn’t want to hurt you any more than I already had. It took a bit of time to resolve how to manage this best for Christine and for the company.” I replied. She looked so uncertain, I just wanted to wrap her up in my arms.

“You seemed to pull away from me for months and I didn’t know what was going on,” she continued. “I thought you must have been angry with me for putting you on the spot like that.”

I started to protest, but this time it was Chloe gesturing for me to stop and let her speak.

“This has come as a surprise. I thought it was over for you and I have spent the last few months reconciling that. I fell hard for you and it has been really difficult.” She explained looking down at her hands to maintain her fragile composure.

“I need some time to process all of this,” she said and I felt my heart sink.

“I understand,” I said in resignation. “And I’m sorry for hurting you. But I never moved on and I never stopped caring about you.” I offered honestly.

Chloe looked up and met my eyes and I could see the sadness in them.

“Why don’t we call it a night. Take whatever time you need to work out what you want to do.” My voice sounded deflated to my own ears.

“I’m sorry, Alex.” Chloe said meeting my gaze. “I know you have gone through a lot and I’m sure you saw this going differently.”

I paid up and walked Chloe out to her car. Despite myself, I couldn’t help but marvel at the way the slight stretch fabric caressed her curves as she walked. As she got to the drivers door, she looked back at me uncertainly. I stepped forward and took her in my arms and held her body close.

“Take the time you need. I’ll be here,” I whispered.

As she drove away, I stood in the dark parking lot, contemplating the prospect of another take-away meal at home alone.

With the award presentation now out of the way, my attention returned to making progress on the major projects we had taken on. First up, I needed to resolve the endless amendments to our design coming from the Carillion board. It had been going on for months and work was now well behind schedule. I called the CEO and enquired as to the board’s response to our latest revisions. He sighed and apprised me of the latest round of issues, his exasperation poorly disguised. I again marveled at his inability to manage his board.

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