‘Come on, darling,’ said Becky. ‘Talk to me.’
‘I just need time to digest this,’ he said. ‘It’s a lot of trust you’re putting in me.’
‘Yes, but I know that you’re up to it.’
She leaned forwards.
‘And so do you.’
Bryan looked at her as he sipped his beer. Then he frowned.
‘You know,’ he said, ‘I’m beginning to realise just how little I understood the marriage vows when I took them the first time around.’
‘Tell me about it,’ said Becky. ‘It feels like we were kids, saying the words because that’s what everyone else did.’
‘I know. It’s a whole different ball game when you actually understand what you’re promising.’
Yes, thought Becky as she looked at her reflection in the hotel bathroom mirror. It certainly was. She frowned and went back into the bedroom. As she walked towards the bed, she saw that Bryan was awake and lying with his hands behind his head. His eyes widened as he took in her naked body. Please God, thought Becky, let him always look at me that way.
‘Hello, handsome,’ she said.
‘Morning, beautiful.’
He lifted the covers so she could join him in bed. There was that delicious moment when two naked bodies connect and they adjusted their hands and limbs to get comfortable. Bryan kissed Becky and felt a slight hesitation. He drew back his head and looked at her.
‘What is it?’ he said.
‘I was just wondering,’ said Becky. ‘A little while back, you said that you wanted to feel deep in your heart that I would never, ever cheat on you. How do you feel now?’
Bryan planted a kiss on her forehead, then took a moment to consider his answer.
‘The first thing,’ he said, ‘is that I’ve never felt closer to you. I’ve never loved you more, never trusted you more, never respected you more than I do right now. I think we’re as good as we’ve ever been.’
Becky smiled.
‘But…?’ she said.
‘But…’ said Bryan, returning her smile, ‘I’m toying with the idea that “never, ever” is an unreasonable expectation.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I think it’s realistic to face the fact that there are circumstances under which either of us might cheat. For example, if I were to start drinking or abusing you, I think expecting you to put up with that is unreasonable.’
‘Okay, I grant you that.’
‘Then there is also the question of what happens if someone “better” comes along.’
Becky’s face froze. She tried to pull away, but Bryan held on and rolled her onto her back.
‘I’m not saying this to reopen old wounds,’ he said. ‘And, in ten years’ time, when we’re in our forties and some twentysomething cutie-pie comes onto me, we might very well be having the same conversation in reverse.’
‘Oh, that’s a comforting thought!’
‘So, what’s our strategy for that? What’s our best defence against that?’
Becky blinked. Bryan’s gaze was fierce and she suddenly felt … what? Overwhelmed, like he was trying to control the conversation? Yes and no. But more no than yes. She put her hands on either side of his face.
‘Could you give me a minute?’ she said.
Becky saw a fleeting look of annoyance on his face, then he gave a nod. He moved to lift himself off her, but Becky held on.
‘No, stay where you are,’ she said. ‘Just stay where you are and give me a minute.’
Bryan’s expression went from stern to curious. A smile played around his mouth. He shifted his body to make himself comfortable, then looked down and watched as Becky processed whatever she was processing.
‘All right…’ she said after a time. ‘Tell me your strategy.’
Bryan’s forehead creased with a fleeting frown, then he talked while stroking her hair with the fingertips of one hand.
‘It has to do with priorities,’ he said. ‘You see, the thing I most value about our relationship is the intimacy. The fact that I can look you right in the eye and tell you exactly what is in my thoughts, without having to edit stuff in my head or worry about you being offended. Well, it never gets old. The best parts of my life are those moments when you and I are intimate. And I believe that everything good in our relationship — the sex, the quality of our communication, everything — has its roots in our ability to be truly, deeply honest with each other.’
‘Oh, I so agree,’ said Becky.
‘But if I cheat on you,’ said Bryan, ‘I will have something to hide. Which means I’ll have to avoid intimacy with you, because the moment we’re intimate, you’ll know I’m hiding something. Either that, or I’ll have to become so skilled at deception that it destroys the very thing that makes intimacy so precious in the first place.’
Bryan leaned closer.
‘So my strategy is this,’ he said. ‘To keep being intimate with you. To feed and pay attention to our intimacy, the same way you would feed and water a plant if you want to keep it alive. My thinking is that if our intimacy is as precious to you as it is to me, we won’t even want to screw it up by cheating.’
Becky looked up at her man, tears in her eyes. She pulled his head down and kissed him, hard, her tongue firmly in his mouth. As he kissed her back, Becky moved her legs so that they were on either side of him. She lifted her hips, her opening seeking the tip of his penis, and snaked her arms around his back to let him know she wanted him inside her.
Bryan moved himself down, then stopped, breaking the kiss, his forehead creased in thought.
‘Just one thing,’ he said.
‘No!’ cried Becky. ‘No more talking!’
Bryan strengthened his hold. Becky was pinned down by his weight, able to breath but unable to move. He was going to talk whether she liked it or not. This both annoyed her and made her wet at the same time.
‘When you needed a minute,’ he said, ‘what was going through your head?’
Becky glared up, wanting to fob him off with some easy answer. An inner voice said, ‘Love, honour … and obey?’ Becky took a deep breath.
‘I was annoyed,’ she said. ‘I don’t like it when you use words like “strategy” and “defence” when talking about our relationship. It’s unromantic. Plus there’s a part of my brain which believes that if a man really loves his woman, he doesn’t need a “relationship strategy”.’
‘I see,’ said Bryan. ‘And I suppose the reverse is also true: that if a man does have a relationship strategy, it’s a sign he doesn’t really love her?’
‘Something like that. Anyway, I had the feeling that you were trying to steer the conversation your way at the expense of mine when it came to me that I just made a vow which puts you in charge of our marriage. And that means I’ve promised to always do things your way.’
‘Becky, do you seriously imagine I will make any decision without first talking it over with you?’
‘You’re missing the point.’
Becky took Bryan’s head in her hands and looked him in the eye.
‘Bryan, how many fights have we had about whether we should do something your way or my way?’