Sadly, Taylor didn’t see the humor. She just rolled her eyes and huffed, “I said that once. Don’t hold it over me forever.” She promptly got out of the car, and I followed.
Starbucks had an interesting atmosphere to it. I could see why some students liked going here and studying after school. It felt cozy, and clean. Though it was also unexpectedly expensive, so I was glad I never got used to this as the after-school experience. After we received our drinks, we found a table and sat down. For the first few seconds, we sipped our drinks in silence.
Taylor was the first to speak, finishing a sip and clearing her throat before looking intently at me. “When you get involved in a friend group, popular or not, stuff is going to shift,” she began. “Like, the way we talk to each other is going to change.”
“The dynamic will change?” I offered.
“Sure. And I may not care about it, but yeah, I’m popular. It’s not going to be like the movies, but if I am talking to someone that doesn’t talk to a lot of people… people are going to gossip, or, like, do stupid shit sometimes.” She shrugged. “It’s just what happens. And don’t make the mistake of thinking it only happens to you.”
I was taken aback. “That was really articulate, Taylor,” I replied, a little impressed at the last part.
She bitterly raised her eyebrows once in acknowledgement. “This isn’t the first time I’ve had to say this.”
I looked from side to side, and leaned in. “So… you’ve had unpopular study buddies you’ve done sexual stuff with before?”
Taylor laughed and slowly shook her head at me. “Oh my God, Quinn. No.” She laughed. “No, I haven’t. This is new to me too. But I’m just saying, this is what happens when you talk to more high schoolers. Sometimes stuff like this happens. It’s just the way it is.”
“I mean, in theory I get it,” I replied between sips. “We’re high schoolers. We’re clumsy and don’t know how to be perfect, so when we miscommunicate, it blows up.”
“Right.”
“It just seems so excessive. I’ve met with your friends in private three times now to talk about how I’m associating with you. And a dude came by my locker to threaten me. I mean, thank goodness it hasn’t gotten out we’ve done anything together, or I’d have to give daily updates to your friends about how I say hello to you or something.”
Taylor laughed. “Honestly, if they knew it might be easier for you,” she admitted. “Then they’d at least know your intentions are somewhat sexual. There’s a weird comfort in knowing a man is a horndog, rather than wondering if he is or isn’t or something.”
I blinked twice. “Wait, are you suggest-”
“No, no no nope, I am not,” she clarified immediately. “That will come with more gossip. You’ll be wishing you only had to go through this. Just thinking out loud.” She paused for a second. “Seriously, don’t tell anyone, especially my friends, about us.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know.” I took a sip. “We already covered this stuff. I just want the ‘checking in’ to end, you know?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know if it will. My friends can be… kind of jealous.”
I cocked my head. “What, like they want to sleep with you?”
“Ew, no!” She made a repulsed face. “I just mean, we have a thing. We don’t like people from outside our thing coming into our thing.”
“And the less popular the person, the more they hate people coming into your thing,” I added bitterly.
“They just don’t know you. It’s not about popularity. It’s about what they know about you. And if you’re not popular and they never heard about you, you’re as good as, like, a stranger.”
I stared at her for a second or two. “I guess that makes sense,” I admitted. “But now they know me. I stood up for Crystal’s side during that whole… the first time we had lunch together.”
“Sure, but do they remember that? They probably just remembered that you argued and talked a lot. We don’t like people that talk a lot. They’re, like, know-it-alls.”
“Do you want someone who isn’t a know-it-all teaching you math?” I asked her.
“Being a know-it-all and being smart and humble is different. You were a huge know-it-all during our first few lessons, and I barely learned a thing,” Taylor challenged me.
I made a sour face. “Jeez. I got better.”
Taylor nodded. “But you get what I mean.”
I admitted defeat. “Yes, I get what you mean.”
“And they haven’t gotten to see that part of you. So all they know is, you talked too much at the lunch table, Morgan doesn’t like bringing you up, and you and I are spending a lot of time together,” Taylor concluded.
I sat in silence for a bit. “I don’t like this being all my fault, all I’m trying to do is help you,” I finally said.
“I know, but this is what they see. It’s why they asked Bryce to-”
“Yeah, what’s with that?” I interrupted. “They think I talk too much so they send Bryce to imply that I’m making you uncomfortable? And then he grabs my-”
“Shirt, I know.” She shrugged. “They must have felt like they weren’t getting through to you, so they thought of something else to do.” She took a large gulp from her drink. “It’s problem solving. Not unlike what you’re teaching me.”
I stared at her for a bit. “You’ve got some good one-liners,” I softly admitted. “I feel like you’re toying with me sometimes. Like you’re going to reveal one day that you were this genius that hid it the whole time.”
Taylor chuckled in derision. “If only,” she mumbled. “Nah, I’m still an idiot.”
“Your grades are impr-”
“Not like that. Just… boys. People. I can tell other people what to do, but like, when it comes to me, everything just blows up in my face.”
“We seem to be doing alright.”
“We came here today to discuss all the drama that’s been surrounding us,” Taylor rebutted. “It’s like that story you hear about in grade two or whatever. The guy that… where everything he touched turned to gold.”
“King Midas?”
“Oh, who cares? You know what I’m talking about. Every time I make a friend or talk to someone or… y’know, fuck someone, it turns into this whole thing. Real talk? I thought the nicest part about you teaching me math was that this could be the one time I wouldn’t have to worry about drama. And not only am I worrying about it, I have to be the one to solve it.”
“Hey, hey. I’m not asking you to solve it,” I replied sympathetically. “It’s just hard for me too. This is my first time dealing with anything like this.”
We didn’t say anything for a bit. Eventually, I piped up again. “Do you regret the stuff that we did?”
I wanted her to immediately reply no. Instead, she sipped her drink slowly. “I’m not sure,” she finally admitted.
“Do… do you want us to stop?” I pressed on.
She stared at me for a bit. “Same answer,” she finally replied. “Nothing against you.”
I chuckled in defeat. “I know that I can’t give you what other guys can. I’m not going to take offense there. You know what you’re doing and I don’t.”
Taylor smiled and looked down at the floor. “I, uh, actually kinda like that part,” she admitted quietly, then bit her lip.
“Huh?”
“I dunno. Most guys really like to play up the alpha guy thing, especially around me. They really try to be the guy they think I’ll fall for or something. But you’re kind of like a… puppy. In a good way. I can tell you’re actually being you, and it’s kind of cool to be the one with the experience around a guy. I get to tell you what I like, and I know you’ll listen instead of going all, ‘I already know what you like.’ Plus, you… you know stuff. You probably know what a clitoris is.”