She spots herself in one of the large mirrors in the hall and is shocked. The wet dress is diaphanous and she looks practically naked. She clearly sees her belly button and areolas. Her nipples are cold, wet and hard. Her carefully applied make-up has also run out. She sees a vulgar second-rate slut. But even if she had brought another dress, or a pair of trousers and a blouse, or a hairdryer to dry her hair, or her arsenal of make-up, she still wouldn’t have felt she had the time to change and smarten herself up. For her being late does not cover it – she should have been here half an hour ago and audition for a role she would love to play – no, that she must have! Because she admires the director, Sylvain Copain-Auzières, deeply. Yes, but what’s worse, she really needs the work.
True that she would like to work with the director Copain-Auzières. But it is also true that she harbours an anxiety — in plain words, she is afraid of him, for he has a reputation for being ruthless. Is he still around at all? The door was still open, thank God. What should she do? Leaving is not an option, but she can’t change clothes and fix her make-up. What can she do but pull herself together, walk into the hall with her head held high and hope that he is still here?
She is young, twenty-five, but has already built up a good CV of roles. Since she caused a furore in ‘Virginia Woolf’, while in fact still at drama school, she played mainly relationship dramas, to critical acclaim. Played – because her last role, Nora in Ibsen’s Doll House, dates back to eighteen months ago. She had not finished the series of Ibsen performances by a week when her boyfriend ended their relationship. She had not seen this coming at all. He was an actor himself, good at pretending, and had taken up with a friend of hers, who had played the part of Christine in the Doll’s House performance — had been a close colleague! Her self-confidence had been shaken, so much so that she had been off the rails for a year, could not act anymore. She could not act and pretend she was not shocked. It was only in the last month or so that she had re-immersed herself in the audition circus. Cautiously, too cautiously probably, because she didn’t make a big impression and the competition is huge. So, it’s now or never. She has to succeed here!
The piece is new and written by Copain himself. “Attendant sans Défense” (or “Helplessly waiting”). She has not seen the whole script. Anything but. Only a motto was made available.
‘”You are not prepared to be mine. Not fully and unconditionally.”
He looks at me for a few moments as I stand there, waiting. He then quietly closes the front door and is gone.’
Copain-Auzières, 2021
She has been chewing on this. There is a ‘he’, who apparently thinks that the ‘I’ does not put enough into the relationship they have together. And then ‘he’ walks off and closes the proverbial door. ‘I’ behaves passively, and just waits. ‘He’ seems possessive, someone who doesn’t tolerate contradiction. Not that we see ‘I’ give any contradiction. ‘He’ is controlled. ‘He’ does not slam the door. ‘I’ is in control too, as she shows no signs of despair. She is just ‘waiting.’ Unusual. The young actress doesn’t know what the history and context is of course. But if these three sentences serve as a motto, then that history shouldn’t put the message in a completely different light, should it? So, the play is about an unequal relationship in which both partners restrain themselves. Of course, she does not know whether the ‘I’ isn’t about to break out in tears. She feels that is very likely.
Especially as the actress who wants to play the ‘I’ character is currently feeling so close to tears herself. But she pulls herself together…
… and she pushes open the theatre door. Without delay, a voice shouts at her, ‘So! You are late!’
The theatre is pitch-dark, the stage sparsely lit by a spotlight or two. From the shadows, a dark figure steps centre stage. She recognises Copain. He is wearing a sharp black suit, with a ditto shirt and tie. He beckons impatiently. ‘Come on! Come here!’ The actress walks up the aisle.
‘God, and you look awful too! How dare you present yourself this late and looking like a vagabond!’
Copain-Auzières is at the stage front. The actress is dumbfounded.
‘Now then, say “Apologies, Monsieur Copain”.‘
What is this? She does not even think about it. Her confusion is immediately over and replaced by anger.
‘What are you standing there for? Repeat after me, “Apologies, Monsieur Copain”.’
She walks towards the stage, halts right near it, directly under him and looks up, a nervous smile on her lips. He does not return her smile.
‘I’m sorry I’m late, Mr. Copain, and that I’m rained out. I did my best to be on time. And that rain – who would have expected it?’
Copain comes to the very edge of the stage. He towers over her, bends forward, puts his hands to his sides and says, ‘Hello!!!… I said, ‘Repeat after me, “Apologies, Monsieur Copain”.‘
She looks up at him, outraged again, eyes on fire. ‘I will not repeat after you. I have already apologised. I like to speak in my own words.’
Two seconds of silence… He then roars with laughter. ‘An actress, and she’d like to speak in her own words.’ She blushes, whether from shame or anger.
He looks down at her, silently, and then says icily slowly and softly, ‘Listen. It’s like this. I’m the director, in charge of what happens, and the writer of the play, in charge of the words. You are the actress who says my words. So, without delay, “Apologies, monsieur Copain”!’
She furiously clenches her fists, unable to deflect this humiliation. But she realises that he has left her with no choice. He is clever. She opens her fists with a jolt and then relaxes. She hates herself when she mutters, like an angry child, “Apologies, monsieur Copain.“ She knows immediately that he will not accept it this way. And indeed, her humiliation has not yet ended.
‘You are boring me… Now clearly, shout it, as if you were an angry actress, “Apologies, monsieur Copain”.’