A Nude Day Rite of Passage by AnonymousPerv

Nude Day isn’t a specific holiday in the country of Philthshire. It is a rite of passage. A tradition every able-membered body of society participates in. That’s because it lands on one’s 21st birthday. While there is no law that says one MUST participate in it, it’s more sacred than that. Like a Bar Mitzvah for one of the Jewish faith, except it’s not religious in nature. It’s rooted in the culture, having started as far back as Queen Clitoria’s reign.

That was like… a million years ago, back when it should have died as quickly as it began. Personally, I think the whole thing is stupid. Fucking stupid. Why should we have to subject ourselves to this humiliation? It’s not just the fact that one can’t go with clothes, one also is to host a breakfast and then a mid-afternoon party with friends and close family.

The tradition is capped off with dinner and drinks into the wee hours of the morning. It all sounds fun until you remember you have to do it naked. Everyone else is dressed like normal except the Nude Day celebrant. Well, I suppose twins might share some shame on their days and that’s how this relates to me specifically.

Bernie, my twin brother, came barging into my room. We were both dreading Nude Day which was quickly approaching. Our parents were overjoyed. After all, Nude Day is like the official end to one’s personal “coming of age” story. “Beebs, I can’t do this. I’m going to pass out just thinking about it! Grandma’s gonna be there and so will cousins Vic and Pam!”

“You think I’m any better off than you? I’ve been throwing up before going to bed every night, I’m so anxious. I can’t get my mind off it.”

Bernie plopped face first on the bed next to me and started moaning. “Mom fucking invited Alicia Tellus to the picnic we’re doing at the park.” It isn’t really a picnic. Yes, there’s stuff like burgers, hotdogs and snacks, but most of the tradition lies in playing stupid games like cornhole, wheelbarrow and horseshoes. Silly stuff to do while you build an appetite for the big event at the end of the day. “Alicia’s been my crush since like middle school and now she’s going to see me naked!” moaned Bernie.

“Why would Mom invite Alicia?” I asked, sitting up. Alicia and her older brother grew up in the same neighborhood as us. Mark wasn’t that much older, just a year ahead of his sister and us. If Bernie’s affections toward Alicia could accurately be described as a ‘crush’ then my affection for Mark would probably be labeled ‘this bitch is crazy’. I have been head over heels for that man for years.

It’s not just that he’s handsome, tall and athletic. It’s all the other shit, like how he helps his grandmother out of the car, or the volunteer work he does at the animal shelter. All this, and he’s finishing up his law degree. He’s like the embodiment of every woman’s dream man. Of course, I never entertained the idea that I had a chance with him. Mark Tellus is way out of my league.

“You know Mom,” sighed Bernie, turning over, staring at the ceiling. “I think she just wants to torture me.”

“Why? Because she knows how much you crush on Alicia?”

“Yes. Mom thinks it’s so cute I like Alicia so much. Mom probably thinks she’s helping me out, forcing her to hang around me on Nude Day.”

It’s kind of considered rude to reject an invitation to someone’s Nude Day celebration. I wondered if Alicia replied back. “Wow, that’s really cold of Mom,” I said. “I’m sorry, Berns.”

Bernie and I got along well for siblings. We had to, in order to put up with our parents’ madness. Mom and Dad annoy us endlessly, and we don’t know if it’s to intentionally push our buttons, or if they’re just clueless as to how toxic they can be. There’s lots of examples to cite, but it starts with them having no boundaries. Always being up our shit. Bernie and I hope to leave the house and share an apartment in the city, sooner than later.

Bernie covered his face with his hands. “Oh my god, Beebs. Fucking Alicia. I have to be naked in front of Alicia Tellus!”

I patted my brother on his chest while he laid there. “What is it you’ve told me when I’ve freaked out thinking about this?”

“It’s just one day…” Bernie sighed. “One day.” Citing the mantra he’s used on me countless times.

“And people won’t even think about it, or remember it, twenty years later. Right?”

“Yeah, right… exactly.” Bernie was sounding unconvinced.

“Two days, Beebs. It’s in two days. I’m about to have a panic attack.”

“You’ve never expressed this much fear or dread before. You were always keeping my shit together. Don’t tell me you’re losing it on me.”

Bernie dropped his hands and looked at me. “Yeah, I was bullshitting both you and me, I guess. I tried, but I am…. I dunno… this sucks”

“It does.”

Bernie pushed himself up, propping on his elbows. He was quiet for a moment but then he asked, “Beebs, could you, uh… do me a favor?”

I picked my hairbrush off the side table and started weaving it through my hair. “What? Tell Alicia not to come?”

“Yeah, I wish. Mom would kill you. No, I… well… I mean, I haven’t ever been naked in front of someone. Not anyone. Not even in the gym locker rooms. I always used the private stalls.”

“You dated Paula for two years, Bernie!”

“Yeah, and she wouldn’t let me go past first base, Beebee. Refused to even rub my boner through my pants.”

“Oh,” I said, surprised. I had no idea my brother was still a virgin. Not that I’m that experienced. I’m no virgin, but I can count the number of men I’ve been with on my forefinger. Bernie and I look good, but neither of us have had many date nights. Well, except for Bernie’s weird relationship with his ex, but he didn’t get anything out of that apparently. “What favor do you want?”

Bernie was practically trembling. “Just… oh, this is so embarrassing…”

“What?”

“I just wanted your opinion.”

“On what?”

“Me.”

“Uh, okay. About?”

“About what we’ve been talking about, Beebs!” Bernie perched himself up and then leaned far over the edge of the bed. “Just… tell me if I look okay.”

I stopped playing with my hair and put the brush down. “You mean… like, naked?”

There was a pause and a soft answer, “Yes.”

I touched Bernie on the shoulder pulling him to me, giving him a quick hug. “Hey, relax, Berns. You’re going to be fine.”

“Yeah, you’re just saying that. I know you’re as messed up as me over this.”

“Maybe. But we’ll get through this, okay? Everyone does.”

“Is everyone as nervous as we are?”

I thought about it a moment. “If I had to guess, probably most people. I guess there are some with no qualms about it. But Bernie, there are also some people that are against it so much, they won’t even do it. They refuse.”

“Yeah, and they risk being outcast from their families. You and I both know that’s not an option for us.”

“Fine, Berns. Go ahead. I’ll give my opinion.”

“What if it’s not good?”

“Do you want me to lie?”

Bernie didn’t say anything. He just sat there for a minute. I was about to let it go and finish primping my hair when he started pulling off his shirt.

**

Nude Day is unique to Philthshire. No other country has anything like it. Sure, there are some cultures that go naked or very close to naked, but not many that save such acts for only one day in a lifetime. It is interesting to note that overweight and obesity rates are the lowest on the globe with the “under 25” demographic in Philthshire. It is believed that Nude Day might be responsible. After all, most people prepare for it. Think of it like practicing for a sport, or music recital or a test. In this case, the custom is that most people spend six months prior to Nude Day exercising, tanning, and eating right. Of course, my brother and I were no different. We didn’t even have a choice. Mom and Dad started us on a healthier diet over a year ago.