I did sneak them slowly in over time, though. Throughout the years, I made sure that we had one night a month where we dumped the kids and made love for hours. We played out all kinds of games and scenarios, our relationship grew stronger because of that special bonding time.
Did I ever think of Maggie? I suppose so, but I could always lock that compartment back down quickly. Did I feel guilty? Hmmm. I devoted my life to Jeanine, never cheating again, never even flirting with another woman for over 60 years. I rationalized it away, telling myself I was 99.9% a good man, a good husband. It was in the past, nothing to worry about.
Until today.
Don went ahead and married Cheryl. We stayed phone buddies (and then Facebook friends) but never served together so our paths only crossed a few times. Cheryl and Maggie became lifelong friends so Don would update me every now and then. But, it was like, that was just someone I used to know.
Until today.
The guilt crashed over me and threatened to drown me. Guilt for teasing and hurting Maggie. Guilt for not loving my wife like I should. Guilt for lying, cheating, being an adulterer, pretending to be a good person.
What would assuage this guilt? What purpose would it serve to tell Jeanine now? None. It would just hurt her unnecessarily.
Fortunately, I managed to put Maggie back in her compartment. But it was as if all those other compartments were rattling and shaking, they all wanted to be let out, also. I kept them locked tight for so long, I didn’t think I would ever unlock them.
Until today.
~~~
“Hi Johnny! Caroline and Cassie send their love and, ohh!” I grabbed my eighty five year old wife and kissed her hard as I held her close. She kissed me back, and found my face wet with tears.
“Are you okay, John? What’s the matter?”
“The matter is, I haven’t thanked you for my life. You are the most…”
My voice cracked, but I had to say this.
“You are the best thing that ever happened to me. I’ve tried to do right by you, but I’ve come up short now and then.”
“Johnny, my love, my captain. What happened?”
“An old friend died. You didn’t know ‘em. But… the dam kind of broke. I know it’s late in life, but I made an appointment with a VA shrink for tomorrow.”
“Oh honey! I’m so proud of you!” She hugged me as tight as old people can without hurting each other.
“Was it Maggie?” she asked. I looked at her blankly. “John. You keep things wrapped up tight, but you occasionally talk in your sleep. Usually it’s about the war, or me. But now and then, Maggie pops up.”
I couldn’t speak.
“I knew something happened back at Glynco, that trip you took. But you’ve been so amazing ever since, I didn’t worry too much about it.”
“I’m… im so sorry Jeanine.” It was killing me that I hurt this woman.
“Shush. It was sixty years ago, and part of being a Navy wife. But you straightened up and flew right ever since, I could tell.”
I buried my head in her neck, ashamed. “I love you so much, my love. I can’t begin to even say how much. I don’t deserve you.”
“No, you don’t.” She laughed as she ran her fingers through the remains of my wispy hair. “But you’re stuck with me, and I’m still stuck on you.”
I felt the slightest of stirrings in my tired old loins. “I’m gonna go get a viagra.”
Her eyes twinkled at me.
“You do that, tiger.”
~~~
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