Diary of a Sex Scene by KnottLynnHardey..,

The day I filmed my first sex scene was as exiting and terrifying as the first day I worked as a professional actress nearly eight years before.

Both days I felt a swirling maelstrom of emotions never landing on one feeling for long. The most prominent feelings were of excitement to be the centre of attention, terror that I was unworthy of all that attention, confidence that I had done everything I could to be prepared for the day and certainty I wasn’t ready.

As I walked onto the sound stage I wore only slippers and a fluffy robe nothing else. I had been filming on that stage for the last eight years but the fifty or so voices excitedly getting every detail of this mornings work ready began to fall silent as they noticed me, my assistant and the second assistant director approaching the set. That had never happened before.

It was supposed to be a ‘closed set’ with only ‘essential personnel’ there but a lot more people were on the sound stage than seemed necessary. All of them had been busily working toward the moment I would stand in front of them and take off my clothes in public for the first time in my life.

Well, actually they were there to help tell the story of our show a famous series of books from the Nineties.

The gist of the story is a Princess in a fantastical kingdom escapes death while the rest of her family are murdered. The Princess goes into hiding while barbarian invaders lead by a tyrant king search for her.

I play the character of the Princess.

For eight years and five seasons my character had grown up hunted by the sinister leader of the barbarians so he could wed her and cement his right to rule these lands.

The King captured The Princess in the final episode of season four. In the first episode of season five the Princess was returned to his castle, her ancestral home where she had been magically enspelled. The episode ended with the Princess in the King’s bedroom being tied up.

We were about to film what happened next.

This show is famous for its lewd sex scenes. Rape, incest and orgies were all possible on this show. For the last four seasons I had been spared taking part in any of the overtly sexual stuff both because my character’s virginity was a major plot point but also because I was a child when we started filming.

I had turned eighteen the month before filming my first nude scene.

In the popular original books a major plot point revolved around the moment the King captured the Princess. The famous scene involved graphic sexuality and filming it would be very challenging for everyone.

The behind-the-scenes negotiations around this scene had been going on for almost a year but they could only be hypothetical and vague for most of that time because of my age. Until the negotiations for this episode my parents had been closely involved in my participation on the show but obviously they didn’t want any part in me doing a sex scene on film.

It was one of the most notorious and discussed rape scenes in that genre of writing. Endless debate over the graphic nature of the writing and the language the author used swirl online and on podcasts but no one ever questions that the defilement of the Princess is what forges the woman and the leader she becomes. The children conceived from this event are the main subjects of the next series of books set in this world. Without this scene the rest of the events of the story cannot unfurl.

Ever since filming on the show began eight years ago people had known this scene was going to take place. No one knew just when because we had shuffled scenes around from the books but now that I was eighteen internet speculation was burbling away.

And eventually the day came to film it.

I made my way through the maze of equipment and people on the sound stage floor and walked onto the set a Gothic-like bedroom from a fantastical world. By the time I arrived at my destination on the set the only people still talking were the producer/show runner (The boss of bosses), the director and the actor playing the barbarian King.

All three of these men are very famous but to me they are like uncles.

The director had been with us most of the first season and helped us all bond as a cast and crew. Every season after that he filmed the biggest, most important episodes; his vision key to the success of the franchise. He is warm and friendly but a focused artist. It was his job to make sure the ravishment of the Princess told the story in the script and packed the most emotional impact for the viewers.

The producer was the man who convinced everyone involved that these books could be made into an R-rated series on a specialty streaming service. He’s the man who hired me as a ten year old girl, who had watched me grow from a precocious tween to a focused performer. We respected and loved each other.

The man playing the evil King was a tremendous actor famous for movies, television, theatre, and for being wickedly handsome, powerfully built and devilishly charming. He was also in his forties and had known me since I was a child yet today his job was to pretend to psychologically and sexually terrorize the Princess.

Acting is an insane business.

After a few moments the two other actors involved in the scene as well as the Director of Photography joined us on the set to all discussed in detail what was about to happen. We choreographed where every hand was going to go and how the camera was going to capture it all. These conversations had been going on a bit at a time over the course of several days because there were a lot of questions about how much to show from the original books.

In the books the scenes were graphic, prolonged and continued for many chapters as the Princess was defiled for days before her eventual escape. Everyone involved in our show was very concerned about what to show and how.

We had agreed to film the scene in several ways, one fairly tame version (tame for our show), one slightly more risque and one very graphic version. Then in editing we would see what worked best in context of the whole episode.

We were going to shoot me naked all day today and tomorrow.

I admit I zoned out as the conversation got more and more technical. I was playing the helpless victim and I honestly felt it best that the Princess be unable to anticipate what was going to happen. Its easier to act if you can be free in the moment to react honestly.

I’d had to agree to where they could touch me and what could be filmed but that had been days ago. Now I was letting myself forget that and focus on the Princess’ fear.

Unfortunately my personal arousal was interfering.

This whole situation was straight out of my deepest, darkest sexual fantasies.

Maybe because I’m an actress I already have an exhibitionist streak. I do love being the centre of attention but I can be very shy if I don’t have lines or a character to hide behind. I love to entertain, I love pretending to be other people and I’ve always felt a deep need to please people but did that justify how powerfully aroused I was as I waited to expose myself in front of my co-workers?