Sharon nodded, “Your reaction isn’t unusual. You had Kat on a pedestal and she jumped off into an abyss. Your thoughts were about your failure, you’d failed her. How? What had you done wrong? You couldn’t find any reason for this so turned it into rage and anger. Until you can release some of that anger, you’ll stay on that path to divorce. I’m not saying you don’t have every right to be angry, you do. Just that the anger is driving your actions. To achieve what your friend suggested, you need to release your anger and focus on what it is you want.
“In the same way, Kat can’t build anything with you unless she works through her guilt. It is genuine. Your anger is blinding you to her words. Her guilt only sees a divorce in the future. If we can remove those obstacles, we can find a place for you to meet, discuss, learn and build a future. It may be together, it may not but it will be one which is the one you both feel is best.”
After the sessions we both had a lot to think about. Sharon had told Kat not to be nude or dressed to arouse me. I needed the space to reduce my anger. We were both told to interact as far as normal but not sexually. The idea was that we talked about other things which happened, listened to each other.
Over a few weeks it appeared to be working, we talked more than we had in a long time. I hadn’t realised Kat had been offered a promotion. We’d both been guilty of paying lip service to the other. We were even able to laugh together. We went out for drinks with friends, especially my brother James and his wife Stella or her sister and husband Anastasia and Bill. The women spent a lot of time talking.
Between these talks and the sessions, life appeared to be approaching normality. At least until Kat was late home one Friday evening. Her clothes looked a little dishevelled and she was walking gingerly, like she’d just fucked a bloody large cock!
I never thought, I just went full on rage, “You missed fucking around so much, you had to grab a quickie before you came home! To think I was beginning to believe I could trust you again.”
Kat was mad, furious, “I’m not a whore! I’ve tried everything to make you see that. I was wrong. You’ll never see me as anything else. I haven’t fucked anyone. I was getting fucking waxed for you. Why I’ll never fucking know!”
She stormed into the bedroom. I heard a lot of banging. She came out with her suitcase.
“I’ll be back tomorrow to collect the rest of my stuff. I can’t do anymore to keep us together. I fucked up Andy. I’ll always know this is my fault but you’re not blameless either. Sharon said you had to release your anger but you never have. I doubt you will. You play the victim so fucking well, you enjoy it.”
She left without a backward glance. I was stunned.
I spent the whole evening analysing what we’d said. The next morning, I headed to the gym for an extensive workout. A lot was driven by my unresolved anger. I’d like to say it helped my mood but it didn’t.
As I reached the floor of the flat, I saw Kat’s dad, Don locking the door. He looked sad.
“Hi, Don, how are you?” I asked.
He looked at me, “Andy, I never expected this. I know what Kat did was wrong but between the two of you, she didn’t do something even worse. She’s been coming to ours to have a shoulder to cry on since. She’s been a mess since that night but held onto a little hope for you both. She’s seen this breakup as inevitable but worked to try and prevent it.
“She so wanted to believe you could work this out but you can’t let go of the anger. Sharon, most weeks has told you that until you can, you won’t move forward. You’ve skirted around being fully engaged in trying to build a new relationship.
“After last night, I don’t think Kat has any fight left. If you don’t want to fight to save your marriage, just get the divorce done. Move on. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life but your ego will be happy.
“If you want to save it, you need to get into gear and work it out quickly. The state Kat is in, it may be too late!”
I just looked at him. He handed me the key and walked away.
The flat seemed empty. The photos, some artworks were gone. The realisation of what was happening was just beginning to dawn on me. I showered and dressed. There was a lot more room for my stuff in the wardrobe.
I had to move the laundry hamper. Kat normally did the washing on a Saturday. I sorted it into loads and put it on. She must have taken her worn clothes as well. There was nothing of hers left.
In the afternoon, I went to James and Stella’s. I felt so flat. Both weren’t surprised, Kat had left me especially after I told them what had happened the previous night.
Stella’s legal training meant when she spoke, she didn’t miss the target — me. Her tone was like she was summing up a capital case.
“Andy, you’ve blamed Kat for everything since that night. You’re so wrapped up in anger, you’ve never looked at yourself. We all know you two love each other but for a long time now, neither of you has showed it. You didn’t listen to her. Remember six months ago when we were out with our big group and she was so happy. She’d got that promotion, beaten others who had been there longer. Did you realise how big a coup that was for her? Twenty of us were so happy for her. One wasn’t.
“No, you were just thinking about yourself. You almost ignored her happiness. Before you’d have been all over her, congratulating her, telling everyone how proud of her you were but you just dismissed it as trivial.
“When Kat and I talked later, your reaction had hurt her badly. You weren’t gaslighting her as such but you so seldom actually listened. Often in the flat, you’d both be there but she felt ignored unless you wanted sex. She knows what she did was totally fucking stupid but don’t think you are blameless. She dismisses your attitude as being partly to blame for her bad choice but I think it played a part, a bloody big part, as she felt she couldn’t speak with you. Because of that those bitches almost persuaded her to fuck around.
“Why did she become so unimportant to you? You stopped listening, being engaged with her, doing things with her. When was the last game you went to? The pictures? A weekend break?”
I tried to answer, “It wasn’t like that.”
James interrupted, “Andy, ask anyone of your friends and they will say the same. Stella has a very stressful job. Some nights she comes home and I listen to her explain how shit her day had been. I’d rather have root canal work in the dentist than listen to some of the things she has told me. But I listen as it’s important to her, to me, to let her know I’m there for her.
“She does the same for me when a project isn’t working. I know a few words from her has set me on the right track often. I only hope, I’ve helped her.
“I’ve massaged her head, neck and shoulders till she’s fallen asleep. Would I have wanted to continue to have sex, probably but it’s more important the sex is willingly given not taken. I know she appreciates what I do and when she is able, she will reward me with a night of lovemaking which will leave me breathless. I’d rather have that than a passionless wank in her reluctant vagina.