Jenny and I were eating our sandwiches, she was sunny and blond, always big smiles to go with her perfect teeth and deep olive coloured skin. We were sitting on white stone steps in the main quad of the university, sun streamed from the clear blue sky, and I felt it on my bare legs.
I had had a big inferiority complex about Jenny for the first term of our course, but slowly, as time had passed, we had become friends, and I had come to terms with how I could cope with the contrast between my white English complexion, my skinny arms and legs next to her more rounded perfect form. My light brown hair seemed thin next to her deep brown, almost black glossy locks.
“Well, I don’t think that any of the boys are here to look at me, lets be clear.” I retorted, “I think we both know that it is a lot more likely they are here to look up your skirt than mine.” I giggled at her as we sat there, looking at the two guys opposite us, I knew we were now both watching them a little, trying to determine which of the guys was actually looking, and who they were looking at.
“I don’t think you are entirely right there; you know Greg, the one on the right, well I am pretty sure he is interested in you after that ball at the end of last term. I danced with him a bit, and he asked about you twice, I think he was mainly dancing with me just to get some background on you.”
I cast my mind back to the end of term ball, to the way I had watched them dancing together, so very sure that he was going to get off with her. I was surprised that Greg had asked Jenny, I had wanted him too but perhaps my natural reticence had counted against me. I remembered back to how I had avoided eye contact, avoided any encouraging body language. Jenny on the other hand had been bold, had seemed like the mistress of the dancefloor, walking up to groups of boys and demanding attention.
One problem with hanging out with Jenny was that it was definitely not helping my confidence with men. I knew that she had had guys as partners before university, and my lack of partners was starting to weigh on my mind. But then no one was ever going to notice me when I was standing next to her, to her perfect skin tone, athletic arms and legs, perfectly sculpted breasts. My own white pasty skin tone and skinny flattish chest was never going to get any attention.
“Clare, you know you under-sell yourself; you just have to get out there. Make yourself more available. Like… what do you think about Greg, I am telling you that he is interested in you.”
“Look, Greg is great, and we did that project together last term which went quite well, but I just don’t get any kind of vibe from him that he is interested, you really think he is?” I sat there and then saw him glance at us, trying to disguise my attention, he really did check me out.
I felt myself blush as I became aware of his eyes on me, scanning down from face to my tight white t-shirt and then lower, to my legs. The pretty blue skirt rested on my thighs, above the knee, but I knew that my legs were together, and with the edges of the skirt pulled tight, it covered me up enough.
“Ha, you see, you saw that right? He was categorically looking at you, looking to see your legs. I told you he is interested. Why don’t you encourage him a bit, I know you want him. You always go for the clever intellectual quiet ones, the runners. He has got a great bum though.”
This was another of Jenny’s sins, she was always telling me whom I did or didn’t fancy, where my relationship interests lay, it bugged me a bit that she was right more often than not about it all, but then perhaps I liked it as well.
“Show him more.” She demanded as we both saw him glance over again, I squinted at him over the top of the diet coke can, seeing his eyes resting more intently on my body, perhaps on my legs.
“What do you mean, more? You mean, like my legs?” I glanced at her; she was laughing a little at my uneasiness. I watched her as she shifted a little on the step, and then almost thoughtlessly, raised one of her legs as she lowered the other, I suppose showing a little more of the top of her thighs to the two guys directly opposite.
They were however both obviously aware of what she did, one turned a little, and they both moved their heads, hardly noticeable perhaps if you were not concentrating on them, but I did notice. I saw their eyes move over her a little, a jolt of thrill passed through me at the thought of actively encouraging guys to look at me like that, to desire me.
“See what I mean, they might be pretending just to sit there, but they aren’t. Now your turn. I dare you.” She looked me in the eyes as she returned her legs to their original position.
I felt my face redden a little with embarrassment, even just the thought of it made me embarrassed, but I knew I wanted to feel the thrill, I knew I wanted to see them look at me, to watch me as showed just a hint more of my bare white legs.
I looked over at her, stared at her, looked directly into her eyes, then I moved my legs, lifted my knees higher, then almost absentmindedly, I let my knees part. As I looked into her eyes, I watched as she looked over at them. By now she was looking directly at them, scanning them to see what they were up to.
“So…” I asked, “Are they, are they looking then?” I almost whispered, as if it were some sort of secret.
“Ha! Are you really asking, do you really wonder, you saw how they looked at me, and I was showing nothing, you sit there, knees up and legs apart showing them your knickers, and you ask if they are looking? Believe me, they watched your every move. And I can tell you it was Greg that really watched, not his geek friend, I am telling you, he fancies you, next time you see him at the bar, talk to him.” She replied with a naughty giggle.
I held the position for a while. Now, I felt my heart beating faster, almost hammering in my chest, I didn’t even know why, but I did. I let my knees part a little more, then glanced around, looked directly into Greg’s direction. There was no doubt in my mind, he was looking directly between my legs at the pretty white cotton, decorated with pink flowers that I remembered buying with my mum a few months ago.
As soon as I looked at him, I lowered my eyes, then swiftly closed my legs, pulled down the hem of the skirt, almost as if I had no idea what I had done, as if it were an accident. Did I think that they thought it was an accident, a mistake, that I didn’t know what I had done? I wasn’t sure, I didn’t care, but I did know how excited I felt as I saw the desire in his eyes.
“Come on Jenny, we have to go. Perhaps you are right, but, but, well I want to think about how I feel about him.”
We stood and walked off, Jenny put her arms through mine, and we walked off towards my room.