***
While Jason is gone to bring our stuff up, I tour our room. It really is a nice place — nicest hotel room I’ve ever seen. Maybe that’s why it’s called a resort? In the bathroom, my reflection in the large mirror over the vanity captures me. I look at myself trying to see what he sees — perhaps I’m not ugly but I’m no beauty queen. As I stand looking into the eyes of the reflection staring back at me, the old ghost whispers again; ‘You’re not enough — too many flaws to get any hopes set too high. He’s a rich white guy — you’re a Hispanic girl from a Hispanic family — you’re being foolish — you have nothing to offer him. That ghost has been around too long. Deep down I know I am that ghost. How do I break free of myself — how do I kill the ghost that is me? The tears try again, but I squeeze them away — as I push away the ghost who haunts me. I make myself think of better things, hopeful things … I’m totally taken by him, by his gentle kindness and his friendship — I have other feelings too — most of my friends have already done it. If Mamá and Papá knew … it would be very bad for us all. But why would they know if we were safe and quiet — only Jason and I would know. Deep down I know it is only me who can answer my questions — only me who can decide what to do with my body … but I wish it could just be so easy — normal like a flower opening without thought or care. When I hear him return, I quickly wipe my face and go to help him.
“Got it all in one trip — you’re like me; pack light. You get a chance to look around?”
“Yes, it’s very nice. I don’t think my family ever stayed in such a nice room. But my family never traveled far from home — mostly just to see relatives and stuff.”
“I kind of envy you. We never traveled much either and I guess there weren’t any relatives to go see — at least we never went to see any. Which bed do you want, I’ll put your bag there?”
“It doesn’t matter, this one is fine.”
“Ah, tricky — you got the one next to the bathroom.”
“Oh, it’s okay — I can take that one.”
“No, I was just teasing. I think my sense of humor isn’t that great.”
“Oh, I see. Sometimes jokes go over my head. Can you explain why I should have laughed?”
“Well, it’s not really that funny — I just sort of implied that you could make it into the bathroom faster from there.”
“Hmm, I still don’t get it.”
“Ah, like you woke up and really had to go and because you’d be closer from there than from over here you could make it to the toilet in time.”
“Oh, okay now I get it. But it may be good to be closer because I don’t sleep well with my brace on. So I do sometimes wake up and it’s sometimes hard to get the brace on in time. It will be better over here.” It’s best I don’t tell him that I have had some accidents, it’s good to be closer.
“There, so it is the best bed for you. Speaking of your brace, can you wear it in the hot tub? Seems it might not be good for it.”
“I’ve not really been in a hot tub, but I take it off to take a shower. I guess that means no hot tub for me — I didn’t even think about that before you brought it up.”
“It’s your call, but if you take the brace off, I’m pretty sure I can carry you and get you seated in a hot tub. I think you’ll enjoy it if you want to try.”
The one thing I hate, even more than the stupid brace, is to be a spectacle for people who try not to stare at me. But we came here to do more than sit in this room — I owe him that much. Maybe I owe myself that much too? “Okay, I’ve always wanted to do the hot tub thing — everyone seems to like it.”
“It’s a deal then. It’s getting kinda late for it tonight though, but tomorrow we’ll have all day to do what we want. Maybe day after tomorrow we can drive up to Silverton. But we can just wait and see and play it by ear too. I think there’s more to do here than we’ll have time for. But we can sure try to do it all.”
His wink makes me smile. I think he’s almost as shy as I am — being a guy must be hard … wonder why they are the ones expected to initiate everything? Maybe it’s not like for everyone though ….
*****
Scene Four: Getting To Know You
After a nice steak dinner, Micky and I follow the sound of music to the lounge. We already shared a small bottle of wine with our dinner, so we sip our sodas and enjoy the couple singing and playing their acoustic instruments — he on the guitar and she playing a violin … sometimes in a classic style and for some songs more of an Irish style. All in all it’s very soothing and sorta romantic, with a more lively song thrown in every once in awhile. When the couple close out their show, we agree it’s time to make our way back to our room.
“Well Micky, that was all pretty nice, eh? Good dinner, but it feels good to be back in our room though — I’m pretty tired and really stuffed.”