Fading Memories by yukonnights,yukonnights

But each day we see each other several times throughout the routine of classes. And each time I come away more convinced that she’s the one for me — and it seems she feels the same about me. Thankfully, my worries about her feelings for me taper off to nothing and my doubts fade away.

Finally Saturday afternoon arrives and I’m off to pick her up from her dorm. She’s as beautiful as always, her smile warms something deep inside my chest — she hugs me in return as I hold her close again. Just the scent of her is calming and arousing at the same time — her body pressed to mine turns the calm into desire. I would give anything if we could just go somewhere all alone and truly be together all alone once again. But, it’s not an option and together we walk to my Jeep.

***

Back at my house, I lend her my arm as she climbs the three steps up to the front porch. When I open the door, the folks are already there to greet her — the smiles on their faces freeze in an awkward way. My mother puts a hand over her mouth. I instantly realize that I never thought to mention she walks with a limp and a cane. “Well, Michelle this is my mom and dad, they’ve been waiting to meet you ever since we got back.” I glance at my folks and thankfully they’ve recovered their composure — I silently kick myself in the butt for overlooking mentioning about her knee issue.

Mom is gracious and moves the awkward moment away, “Michelle, we’re so happy to finally meet the young woman who has made such an impression on Jason. I hope you’re hungry dear, I’m afraid that I usually cook too much food for special occasions.”

“You shouldn’t have gone to such troubles Mrs. Nichols, but it all smells and looks wonderful. I thank you for all of this.”

“Well, we should all sit down and eat before it gets cold. Have a seat here Michelle. I’ll just bring in the iced-tea and we’ll be ready.”

Pops has pretty much just stayed out of the way, finally it’s his turn to say hello.

“Michelle, as my wife said, we’re delighted to have you in our home. Jase has told us how much you mean to him, and now I can see why. You’re more than welcome here. Please sit here where it’s easier to get to.”

Pops gives me a quick wink and a little smile as he pulls ‘his’ chair out for Micky. Both he and Mom are true salt-of-the-Earth kind of people. I should have given them a heads-up about Micky — I guess it just didn’t seem important.

But after the first awkward moments — all my fault for not saying anything before hand — the meal and conversation seems to go really well. There’s nothing to not like about her, and the folks seem to like her a lot. She really is more interesting and mature than Shelia ever was and maybe they see that too. After dinner, pretty much all the casual chit-chat has been said and I decide to intervene and spare her the agony of a parental interrogation. “Well Micky, you said you have a lot of homework to do so I’d better get you back to The Fort. You ready to get back?” Our eyes do the rest of the talking and I see she gets the drift of my ruse.

“Yes, you’re right. I hate to leave so soon, but I do have a lot to do for tomorrow’s classes. But, I really do appreciate this wonderful meal and especially meeting you. It was really nice, and I hope to see you again.”

Getting back into the Jeep feels good. I look at her and again no words need to be said. It’s sorta weird to be able to know what the other is thinking. “Well, that’s the hardest step I think. I hope you didn’t feel too uncomfortable — the doubting parents protecting their baby boy, eh?”

“You should be proud of your parents, they are very kind. Wait until you meet my family.”

“You make that sound scary — maybe we should just run away and tell them later?”

“I know you’re joking, but at some point — if we’re going to be serious — they will want to inspect you just like your parents wanted to have a look at me. You didn’t tell them about the Polio, did you?”

“You probably won’t believe me, but it never crossed my mind to tell them. Yeh, when we got there is was like — duh? What an idiot. But it was obviously too late to undo my oversight. I’m sorry if that made it all more awkward for you.”

“It was a little, but not so much. I’m more intrigued about the fact you didn’t think to mention it. Is that a good thing or are you trying to pretend it doesn’t exist?”

“I really don’t think about it a lot — mostly just ways I might can make it easier around our house if we ever have one together. Of course it’s something important, for a lot of reasons — but when I think about you, I very rarely think about your leg issue. I think about you — the you who is you on the inside. It really doesn’t seem to be something you dwell on either — you just deal with it. That’s the way I see it — we just deal with it. It doesn’t change or effect anything about our feelings for each other. We’ll just deal with it together, if that’s okay with you.”

His words chase the fear away. Of course we can’t ignore it, but I trust him and that his words are true. “I will tell you now how long I have been afraid of people and how they stared at me when I was little. At school they would point and some would snicker and mimic me. Yes, they were just silly children … but it made it clear I was an outcast. I was different and I learned humans don’t like anyone who is different. On the brighter side, I think I studied more since I couldn’t run and play outside so much. Now, it is just a part of me I have learned to manage. Jase, I really do want you to think about this. Think about all you might have to give up or do alone — you’re an outdoors person and I don’t want to ever be the one to take that away. Just think about it and try to not let your emotions cloud your vision — that’s all I ask.”

“Thank you for sharing that. I’ll do as you ask and think more about us — but to be honest, I’d gladly give up climbing and skiing and kayaking … but I’d rather modify all of that so we could do it together. I’ll confess to being selfish — I’d much prefer sharing a tent with you than some guy … and you know why.”

His smile and wink cracks my armor once again — my own smile comes without my permission. I’d rather cry, both for our loss of a fuller life — and in thankfulness for his love. But I push the tears back … another skill learned long ago. “Okay, you win. Just don’t ever forget that I warned you.”

For some reason the drive back home is anything but cheerful. What should have been a perfect and wonderful day seems to have been caught up in a whirlwind of ‘what-ifs’. But hearing her words again … she has gone through so much I can’t possibly understand or fully empathize with. I’ve rarely been sick, much less endured the stares and harshness only young kids can dole out. I’ll make it up to her some how — she has to know how much I care for her.

Rather than go back home, I drive west out of town to my secret hideaway to think. As I sit by the small creek, the ice and snow shine bright in the light of the descending Sun. I keep seeing the shocked look on the folks faces when they met her. For the first time, I get a small taste of what she’s gone through most of her life. It makes me mad and sad — I try to to see the downside of being with her … but any troubles I see seem trivial. I know, just from the look on their faces that the folks will tell me all the reasons to not get too involved with her when I get home. When the Sun is almost on the horizon, I walk back to the jeep and head back home. I sat thinking longer than I planned … it’ll be dark by the time I get home. I’m in no rush and take my time, hoping they’ll be in bed by the time I get home.

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