She started to talk but was also choked up, “Yes I understand that I had committed to our night and I broke that promise. I can appreciate how that must have felt. I’m so sorry. Even if the rest of the night didn’t happen, I already ruined the night for Jim by getting up to dance even if nothing else happened.”
She went silent and then looked at me. No one looks good when they are crying, but with how she looked now and the emotion on her face, she looked like an old woman in poor health in mourning. While our marriage was over, I didn’t still have the burning hatred. Maybe seeing how bad a shape she was in took the edge off those feelings I had before. I just felt compassion for the state Linda was in.
“Jim, how did you feel when you saw them dancing? Did you think about intervening?”
My voice continued to crack, “The more I saw the worse I felt. I got up at one point and one of Linda’s friends stopped me from breaking in. Seeing that Linda was enjoying herself and figuring the damage to the night was already done, I let the dance continue. I figured the magic of the night was already broken. I figured when she came back to the table at least she would have the uniqueness of getting to dance with a football player to hold her over until I got over her dancing with him in the first place. I knew I wouldn’t be much fun the rest of the night.”
“Why didn’t you stop her from dancing with him in the first place?”
“Simple, as soon as he asked her she bolted from the table as fast as she could. I never had a chance. It never occurred to me things could turn out as bad as they did.”
The doctor then addressed Linda. “Do you understand how hurt Jim was at that moment of the night?”
She quietly answered, “Yes”.
He continued, “Do you recognize that in an attempt to make you happy, your husband didn’t intervene to break up your dance?” She nodded with tears running down her cheeks. The doctor didn’t let up. “Linda do you realize that the love that Jim had for you at that moment enabled to you to leave him?”
She nodded, “I know that. That he wanted to see me happy so he let the dance continue and that led to my betraying him. I used his love and trust to betray him.” At that moment she put her hands to her face and sobbed. “I’m so sorry!” She yelled.
There was a minute of silence and then the questions continued. “Jim, tell us about when Linda came back to the table. What did you experience and feel then?”
I took a deep breath. “When I saw her coming back I could see the look on her face and how it changed as she got close to me. I could see something was wrong. When she sat next to me she wouldn’t look at me. It made me feel worse. Looking back at it I was watching her decide she didn’t want to be married to me anymore.”
Linda screamed, “That’s not true! I wanted to stay married to you! I didn’t want us to end! I didn’t!”
I continued speaking now directly to her, “Ok. I felt something happening that was way different than ten minutes before when you told Dave you wouldn’t dance with him. Or when you asked me when we could go to our room to be alone. Those sentiments towards me were gone when you came back to the table. You were distant. When you got up to leave I didn’t feel loved. Something was gone. It was different.”
She shook her head. Dr Webb asked, “Linda, you and I have talked about this part of that night. What was going on in your head?”
“He had just asked me to go home with him. Then I saw Jim and thought about him and our night. I admit the idea of someone like that man wanting me was exciting, but I felt terrible thinking that and looking at Jim. What I was thinking was so wrong. I wish I never danced with that man. I wanted something I shouldn’t have wanted.”
As Linda answered I had a strange feeling about her answer. There was something off about it. I couldn’t put my finger on it but if I didn’t know better I would say she was lying about something. But what? She was telling me about abandoning me. What lies could there be in that?
“Jim when Linda left the table to go to the restroom with her friend Dee, what did you think?”
“I thought it felt weird. I thought she would be back in a few minutes.”
“Linda, when you left the table. What did you do?”
She looked down, “I told Dee that that man wanted to take me home but that I couldn’t cheat on Jim.”
The doctor seemingly familiar with this kept going, “And what did she say to you?”
“She said that it would be ok, that she would stall Jim so I could get away. She kept directing me to go.”
The doctor continuing, “And you believed you could go be with Mr. LaValliere and not lose Jim?”
She quietly answered, “Yes that’s what I hoped,” as she cried.
“Did you think about the special night you were to have with your husband?” She nodded and began to sob.
I sat there hearing this and still wondered what the hell was going on inside Linda’s head with this let alone Dee the queen bitch pushing her.
“Doctor can I asked Linda a question?” I ask as I raised my hand. He nodded.
“Linda,” She looked at me. “When during this night did you forget you were married to me?”
Still crying she barely got, “Never,” out of her mouth.
“So you knew you were married and ignored what this would do to your marriage?” I asked without any tone in my voice even though I could feel myself getting a little angry.
She then lashed out, “I didn’t forget I was married. I just got caught up in the moment and somehow convinced myself with Dee’s pressure that it would be ok. OH GOD I was so stupid and crazed. I don’t know why. I should have never even stood up when he asked me to dance. Jim this scene plays over and over in my head all the time. I can’t stop it and would give anything to go back. I don’t know why I did. GOD I DON’T KNOW!!”