Just like that, the cold war was over. They talked like old times, like nothing had happened. Every day up until the funeral they were inseparable. We helped organise the details and were part of the close family group at the funeral.
After the funeral, things did sort of get back to the way they were between Annie and me. There was still the cloud hanging overhead, and it seemed impossible to prise open the door to what she was thinking.
Our lovemaking was warm and gentle, loving without being explosive. The thing that we had always had was gone. We had lost our fire, it was passionless and it got to me.
Days dragged into weeks and it built up inside me until I had to let it out. We were in bed preparing to make love. Annie snuggled beside me and our hands were wandering, but I sensed it was going to be another passionless mating. I sat up quickly with a determined grimace on my face. “Annie, I’ve had enough. Something happened and I need to know what it is so we can fix it. This isn’t working. You cannot be enjoying this any more than I am.”
She covered her eyes with her hands, the fingers laced together, her body trembling as I heard the first sniffles. “I’m sorry, Toby, you’re right, I’ve been a bitch.”
I lifted her hand off her eyes so I could see them. I lifted her hand up and kissed it, sucking gently on the finger, “Honey, you’re not a bitch, but you have to talk to me, tell me what’s wrong.”
She sniffled, wiped her nose with the back of her hand and mumbled softly. “I hated the swingers group. It was bloody awful. It wasn’t anything like I expected. It seemed so sterile or something.”
“But you said you enjoyed it, especially your night with Joe!”
“Yeah, well it appears I’m a good liar, Yes, Joe was a good fuck, but that’s all he was: a good fuck, but the same as the others. I saw that you were enjoying it with Allison, so I went along to make you happy.”
Stunned, I grumbled, “You bloody nutcase, why didn’t you just say so?”
She smiled a thin wan smile. “Because I wanted you to enjoy it, then that night you slept with Coral, I realised you were enjoying it. I mean it must have been bloody hot for you to forget to put on a condom, you must have really been into it.”
I sucked in a huge lungful of air. “I won’t deny that yes we got carried away, but that was Coral, not me. She was bloody frantic, she was on a different plane to me. Christ, Annie love, why didn’t you tell me… fuck I feel horrible now.”
“No, don’t feel like that; this is all my stupid fault. I went into it with all these enormous expectations. I built up this huge fantasy about how good it would be, but the reality was way different.”
Confused, I muttered, “But if you had orgasms with Joe… Surely you must have enjoyed it?”
Thoughtful and pained, she winced. “Yes, he was a good lover from a technical perspective, he did all the right things and he got me off, but it was just fucking, just sex, there was no emotion, no love, just sex. I wanted what you obviously felt that night with Coral, and yes, I got jealous and snarky. I’m sorry. I should have said something earlier.”
She leaned against me, her warm soft flesh snuggled against me, her eyes peering up at me through little tears. “Can you forgive me?”
I laughed disbelievingly. “There’s nothing to forgive. I was scared I lost the hot little minx who has been banging my brains out for the last six months. Hon, there’s nothing to forgive.”
“What about the swingers club?” she asked.
“Well, I will be honest, I enjoyed it. I didn’t think I would, but maybe that’s a man thing: sex on tap from some lovely looking birds. Yeah, I enjoyed it but it would never replace what you and I share. I just want some passion back in our lives; this seems to me like you’re going through the motions.”
She nodded. “I hate the way things have been, but I didn’t know how you felt. I want that love and passion, as well. I need to know you want me as much as you wanted Coral.”
I burst out laughing. “I didn’t want Coral… She wanted me. If you remember, I said no… It was you three that convinced me to do it.”
She frowned. “But there must have been a combined passion, or lust, for it to get so out of control… you must have enjoyed it.”
“Shit, Annie, of course I enjoyed it, but no more than you did with Joe. Coral is a bloody raving sex maniac, she is a bloody wild woman when she is like that.”
She flinched. “So you don’t want to run off with her?”
“God no, I could never keep up… No wonder Pete likes to share… He couldn’t handle her on his own. No wonder he’s a skinny bastard, she must wear him to a frazzle.
With the air cleared, we slowly over a period of a week or so, got back on track. I booked a dirty weekend away and we enjoyed the freedom of being away from home. I think that helped us to find ourselves. We lay on the beach in Rarotonga, drank cocktails, snorkelled, swam in the ocean and made love long into the night. The passion returned and we were able to talk about our experiences and use them as fuel. We were back.
We explained it to Pete and Coral, and they laughed. Coral comforted Annie by saying that she had dreamed about it for years, but I was a hopeless lay. She winked at me as she said it. Pete, of course, laughed his fool head off and never let me forget it. Thankfully, our friendship was strong enough to survive it.
Today, we are closer than ever. We still hope our son will marry their daughter. That has been a long standing joke in our circle, because when they were younger they definitely had a thing for each other. Unfortunately, nothing ever came of it, much to Annie and Corals chagrin.
Life can be funny. At first, I was the reluctant participant, it was Annie, who was keen to get involved. It was Annie, more than me that pushed it, but here we were and it was me that missed it, especially Coral. Sometimes when we dance together at functions, her hot body presses against me and my mind goes into a crazy overdrive.
At one party not long after our reconciliation, she whispered, “Honey, I need to tell you, you are a wonderful lover. I only said you were hopeless to appease Annie.”
I sniggered. “Yeah, well, I wish you’d tell Pete so he would stop making fun of me.”
She sighed. “If I did he would stop, but then Annie would get suspicious. Sorry lover, you will have to live with it.”
So that’s what happened. Pete continued to make fun of me being a lousy lay. Annie always got a giggle out of it, so I shrugged it off. Coral gives me a little knowing smile and I guess things flow along.
So where does that leave us? Well, Pete and Coral still enjoy their open marriage; they still go to the swingers parties.
For Annie and me… well, at least we can say we tried. We dipped our toes in the water, we dabbled, we had fun and we came out the other side stronger.
I do hope that one day Annie has a rethink, but if not, we have some wonderful memories.