I reached up and stroked Katie’s face and brushed some of her hair away from her eyes.
“Alright, let me start back when I was dating Jake in high school. We actually didn’t talk that much to each other. He was handsome and tall with short curly blonde hair, and I was a teenage girl in love for the first time. More lust now looking back, but it was the closest thing I had felt up until then.”
I kept slowly stroking Katie’s back as she continued.
“When we did talk to each other it was about truly mundane shit that was of no real interest to me you know, there was very little connection on a conversational side, he was sweet though and he cared about me. Physically I lusted after him, all the girls did, he was handsome and cocky as hell.”
“About Jake, his father had left his family before he was born, he had two older brother that were a fair bit older. Jamie was about ten years older and I think Cliff was about eight. The rumor was that their dad left their mom because Jake was not his. That his mom had cheated on him so he left.”
“Even his brother’s used to tease him that he was the bastard son, and that is also where he got his big cock from, the guy who knocked up their mom.”
“Anyway, Jake’s mom died of cancer when he was about thirteen and I think he has struggled to really trust anybody since then except his brother’s and perhaps me just a little. You know Jake is not the type of guy that wants to be in relationship’s, I think he is afraid of getting close and then losing someone like his mom again. He never really let me in to what he was thinking or feeling. That’s probably why our relationship ended up being all about the sex, it was how we connected, it was so that he would never have to let someone in too close to him.”
“During the five years that we hadn’t seen each other after high school, I found out he had a few short-term girlfriends but nothing serious in all that time. He preferred the ‘friends with benefits’ type of arrangement and I guess that is what we started doing once we hooked back up.”
“He was very happy with our arrangement, he didn’t want anything more serious with me, and he knew I would never give that to him anyway. He got to spend the week working and being with his brother’s, then he would get all the sex he needed from me.”
“So are you saying he would never have tried to take you from me? That he didn’t want to be in a proper or romantic type of relationship with you?”
“Yep, in my mind because he was no threat to what we had It helped me to justify it in a way, even though I knew it was totally wrong. That it would destroy our relationship if you ever found out. I started to hate myself for not being able to stop it, or not wanting to stop it, long before you ever found out.”
“I just struggled to understand why I craved the kind of sex we had, sure I enjoyed it a lot, but to ruin my marriage over it? Why against everything my brain was telling me, I just did not want to stop. I knew I was being so selfish, that I was betraying you and being so hurtful and deceptive. The fear I had that I would lose you, that it also fueled the thrill I got with sneaking off with him, it’s hard to explain. I tried my best to not think about it, the stress I felt when I did was too much.”
I again pushed some of Katie’s hair from her eyes, and gently stroked her cheek. Most of what Katie was telling me I already got from Dr Forsyth in discussing Katie’s sessions, but it was a little more real to hear it from Katie herself. It was still hard to take, hearing that she understood perfectly what it would do to me, to us, but that she could not stop anyway, or did not want to.
“Anyway, after Jake’s mom passed, his brother Jamie became his responsible guardian, even though Jamie was probably the least responsible guy you would ever meet. The three of them lived in their mom’s house together.”
“So, it was the three brothers living together without parents?”
“Yep, we could do whatever we wanted when I was over Jake’s place and often did. I had my first drink there, had weed for the first time, had sex for the first time.”
“Dr Forsyth told me you struggled with having sex with him to start with?”
“Yeah, it was so painful. I mean really, really painful. His cock was so big I thought he would split me in two. Our first like seven or eight times did not go well at all. No matter what, I could barely get anymore than just the head of his cock inside me and even then it hurt so much. I could tell Jake was getting super frustrated as well.”
“Did you try lube?”
“Yeah of course, I practically smothered both of us in the stuff hoping it would work. I mean it did help a bit but the real problem was that I felt that I could not stretch enough for him.”
“Well you were just starting out, you probably would have been super tight even for normal sized guys at the time.”
“Yeah, and he was definitely not a normal size.”
Katie then quickly looked up at me.
“Sorry Greg, I don’t mean to keep talking about his size.”
“It’s alright Katie, we have established that Jake has a big cock. That’s obviously a big part of this so it is what it is, just keep going.”
“Okay, well I even looked up online about how to handle a big penis during sex. The all said the obvious things like use lube, choose a position where you can control the penetration, warm your pussy up first with fingers or a vibrator before fucking and to make sure you cum first during foreplay to relax your vaginal muscles more.”
“Katie, apart from the lube, we do all that anyway.”
“Yeah we do, hey I use lube with you sometimes as well you know.”
“Really, what when we do anal?”
“Not just then, what do you think I’m doing sometimes when I duck off to the bathroom during sex?”
“I just thought you had a weak bladder.”
We both laughed, at least we were keeping this conversation on the lighter side again.
“So anyway, a few of the other things they said to try was deep breathing to relax yourself, as well as mentally accepting it, wanting it. So I thought this was going to be some yoga type shit but it really just was being able to take some deep breaths and to feel relaxed right before fucking. The mental side of accepting or wanting it I did not understand. I mean I wanted it to work but that’s not what it meant.”
“So did the deep breaths work for you?”
“No. I mean they said to orgasm first from foreplay right before which gets your heart racing and at the same time I’m supposed to be taking deep relaxing breaths while also applying lube, and meanwhile the whole time I’m getting anxious because Jake’s getting pissed about not being able to fuck me.”
“Geez, this really was getting to you wasn’t it?”
“Yeah, the dilemmas of a teenage girl.”
“Hey, I would have been frustrated if I couldn’t have had sex with the girls I was with, you know do all the foreplay and stuff and then have to stop. So you must have finally figured it all out.”
“Yeah, it was the mental side that did the job for me, along with the breathing, the lube, the foreplay and stuff. I read more into what they were talking about preparing your mind, accepting that you wanted his big penis, that you wanted to give yourself to it. It kind of sounds stupid when I say it out aloud, but for me, giving in to it, submitting to it, was what really allowed me to relax my pussy more to take him in.”