Her love life did not improve either. Somehow, trying to fit dates into the marathon slog of her final year was an impossibility too far. She occasionally caught sight of someone that might have been Floppy Hat Girl, and each time her breath quickened, and her heart fluttered. But it wasn’t the season for floppy hats, and she’d never seen her face clearly so there was no way to be sure.
One evening she picked her way gingerly through the snow, already becoming grey slush, and slick enough underfoot to dump her on her arse if she was unwary. Her route home led past The Owl, an old-fashioned pub, and she paused outside. The interior looked warm and welcoming. She dithered for a moment and then gave in.
Inside, it was the quiet hum of early evening. A tantalising smell drifted through from the kitchens and Elena decided she needed a treat. Rich aromas of caramelising onions, garlic, lamb and herbs, turned out to be Shepherd’s Pie. She found herself salivating.
The bar had a bottle of Californian Zinfandel sitting unopened amongst the red wines. Elena was amazed to see it. Zinfandel’s reputation had only lately emerged from a very bad spell as a cheap ‘blush’ to sell to young women intent on getting hammered. However, a full-bodied red was just the thing to go with the pie. Unfortunately, they didn’t sell it by the glass so, telling herself that she could take the rest home to enjoy over the next couple of days, she asked for the bottle.
The wine was welcome anaesthetic, jammy warmth reaching her belly and soothing her synapses.
A young waitress arrived with the pie. A generous portion steamed gently in the candle-lit semi darkness of her alcove seat. The first mouthful was hotter than the centre of the sun and Elena spent several mortifying moments sucking and blowing to try and cool the food in her mouth. After that though, the combination of the opulent flavours of the food and the fruitiness of the wine were a sensory overload.
When, all too soon, Elena finished, she gazed unhappily at the dish. She could have eaten half as much again, which probably said more about how she was neglecting herself than the excellence of the food.
She poured herself another glass of wine and mellowed a little in the warm fuzziness.
She looked up as more people came in and was rewarded by the sight of the Unholy Trinity of Meredith, Sanjay & Alison, giggling and holding on to one another.
Elena drew back into the darkness of the alcove, abruptly both jealous and envious of their happiness. They made their way to the bar, still touching each other with an intimacy that made her ache.
While Sanjay ordered drinks, the girls turned to look for places to sit. Elena begged for the darkness of the alcove to disguise her but her pale skin and blonde hair were not helping.
Alison spotted her first and nudged Meredith.
“Elena!” she said in delighted surprise and Elena groaned inwardly.
She bounded over. “I haven’t seen you in ages! Come and join us.”
Elena tried to resist but Meredith was having none of it and shortly they were sitting round one of the larger tables.
Meredith had bloomed in her relationship. Her hair was more disciplined, her clothes a little sharper and her posture more upright and confident. But beyond that, Elena realised that happiness could make the plainest of features shine and Meredith shone.
“So, when was the last time you had a shag, Elena?” she asked.
Sanjay blushed. His girlfriends were so free his conservative upbringing was routinely outraged, but he adored them.
However, he was slightly in awe of being in the presence of the cleverest and most beautiful of the post-grads in the physical sciences. Not that there was much competition but that made it all the more remarkable that this woman had fought her way upstream against the tide of negativity that surely flowed against her. Even her looks would have been a debit in the ledger.
Elena rolled her eyes. “I haven’t got time for a relationship, Merry.”
“Months, then.”
Alison and Sanjay looked at each other. Elena could tell that they were baffled. Beautiful people didn’t have those kinds of problems.
“I’ve just been so busy. The old fossil is on my case the whole time. I’ve been backwards and forwards over it so many times I hardly know what to think any more.”
“Then it’s time you had some fun,” said Merry, crisply. “No buts.”
***
Later that evening they were in one of the noisier bars at the quayside. Sanjay had ordered cocktails and Elena was starting to feel very woozy. Excusing herself for a moment, she stepped outside into the cold night air. There were several little knots of people transacting various things. Elena was moderately sure that half of them involved drugs of one sort or another.
Her jacket was inside, and the chill was a shock. She wrapped her arms round herself and stomped her feet.
Someone walking past path by the river caught her eye. She was clad in an enormous puffer jacket that came well below her knees. And it was a ‘she’, Elena was sure of that. A knitted bobble hat with a pom-pom waggled as she strode towards the main road. It made Elena smile and the woman’s stride paused momentarily before carrying on.