Mutual Benefits – Chap 13 by BashfulScribe

Morgan reacted to my final words immediately too. “Crawl? What do you mean, crawl?” She turned to Taylor. “What does he mean, crawl?”

Taylor said nothing.

Morgan turned back to me. “Is this a metaphor or-”

“It’s literal,” I answered.

Morgan’s look of concern deepened. “We’re discussing this afte-”

“No. That’s between me and Quinn,” Taylor said, her first words since my outburst.

I waited until Morgan turned back to me. “We’re discussing this after she leaves, yes.”

“Quinn, what are you doing?” Taylor asked. “Trying to look like the tough guy for your girlfriend?”

“If you don’t think what happened was wrong, you should be fine with me discussing that with her,” I simply answered.

“I think it was private,” she sharply objected. A beat of silence passed. “Defending you would have made it look more like Milo was right, and Joel was, like, believing nothing happened.” She paused. “He looked for you on Facebook and Instagram later. I saw it. He couldn’t find you.”

“I don’t have a Facebook,” I replied. “Or an Instagram.”

“Don’t tell her about the crawl thing,” Taylor quickly spoke. “Please. I won’t do it again.”

Another beat of silence passed. Taylor’s eyes were definitely welling up now.

“The fuck is going on?” Morgan asked.

I had a theory. “She thinks this is the one thing that, if you knew fully about it, would make you consider actually leaving her,” I answered. “For some reason, she thinks this is the thing.”

“All the more reason I should know about it,” Morgan replied darkly.

“I was just curious about — I got too carried away with something. If you talk about it I’m fucking leaving,” Taylor continued.

I studied her face. “Why do you think this is the one thing…?” I trailed off, looking from one girl’s face to the next. I felt like I didn’t have every puzzle piece here. Or I did, but I just didn’t get why.

I thought about Morgan’s words from earlier on in the week. Obsessive. Don’t get obsessive. You don’t always need to know why.

I shook my head. “You know what? Forget it. This conversation is going nowhere. Let’s move on. So Joel thinks it’s a lie, but clearly has his doubts if he was trying to look me up online. What’s the next step?”

Taylor sniffled a little. “Well, like, first of all, I don’t think I should talk to you or be seen with you anymore.”

I threw up a hand and began pacing again. “You really enjoy this, don’t you?” I asked rhetorically.

“I never said I liked it,” Taylor admitted. “And I’m sure if it’s the group it’s fine. If we’re in a group it’s fine. More than fine, since you’re Morgan’s boyfriend.”

“Which means I’m going to have to lie about how open we were, in case he asks me,” Morgan noted, even while tipsy. “He might see me as the only neutral third party.” She cleared her throat and nodded. “And what happens after that?”

I stole a look at Taylor. “I think it’s become abundantly clear there’s not going to be an ‘after that’ for us, huh Taylor?”

The first tear. The first convulsion. The dam broke. Taylor was crying. Taylor’s cute chipmunk face was twisted into bitter pain, and I was standing there, looking down on her, trying not to feel sorry for her. God damn, did she ever make it difficult.

Morgan felt sorry for her first, moving in for a hug, which Taylor accepted. I sighed and quickly followed. “Anything I can get you?” I asked annoyedly, crossing and uncrossing my arms.

Taylor turned to Morgan. “Ha-have y-you been dri-inking?” she asked.

“Yes,” Morgan admitted.

“Can… can I…” Taylor mumbled.

Morgan looked at me. It probably was not a good idea to drink alcohol to help with sadness, but I wasn’t sure whether it was wise to voice that here. She looked back at Taylor. “Look, Tay, I get that this is hard for you, but Quinn and I wanted one night, just one night where we could-”

“I won’t butt in,” Taylor protested. “I can s-sleep on the couch, and you and Quinn could have the bed…”

“I won’t be staying tonight,” I interjected.

Taylor looked at me with sad eyes. “You’re leaving.”

“He was already planning to,” Morgan helpfully pointed out. “He’s okay walking home. He says he likes it. It’s why Doug and I felt it was okay to drink.”

“Are you lying…?” Taylor asked innocently.

“No Tay, we’re not,” Morgan reassured her. “I’ll get you a drink, okay?” She got to her feet, somewhat unstably, and leaned on my shoulder. “Watch over her,” she whispered to me.

“How?” I whispered back, but Morgan was already leaving. I waited until she was out of the room, then squatted down to look at Taylor.

Watch over her, my ass. I had Taylor alone, and wanted to make good use of it. “Why is it so scary if Morgan knows about that in particular?” I asked. I didn’t always have to know why, but here, I think I earned it.

Taylor looked up at me and sniffled a few times. “Sh-she cares a lot…” she began, realizing I wasn’t going to let up. “About… the people she… loves most.”

I stared at her for a bit, the cogs coming together. “You’re worried she likes me more than she likes you at this point,” I pieced it together, barely above a whisper.

Taylor didn’t say anything. She just stared at me.

“And if you took advantage of me, even if I went along with it, she’ll side more with the person she likes more,” I concluded, standing back up. “And it’ll be easier for her to cut out the one she likes less.”

I could see Taylor’s chest heaving. Something I said clearly resonated.

Against all odds, this was the moment I actually felt sorry for her. I shook my head slowly. “Jesus, Taylor, you’re damaged. That’s not how this works at all.”

Taylor didn’t get a chance to answer. Before she could, Morgan popped back into the room with two drinks, one clearly more full than the other. She gave the full one to Taylor and sat on the bed, keeping the other for herself. Understanding something transpired while she was gone, she turned to look at me.

I turned to the door and shut it, then gestured to both of their drinks. “Take a drink,” I ordered both of them. They looked confused, but complied. I let a few seconds of silence hang in the air before looking at Morgan.

“When Taylor and I were fooling around-” I began, cut off by Taylor making a sound and moving towards me. I held up a finger and paused. “Taylor, one more interruption and I leave right now I’ll call Morgan at a random time and tell her the whole story. And believe me, I’ll be more generous telling it while you’re here.”

Taylor hesitated, then moved back, never saying a word.

I slowly lowered my finger and looked back towards Morgan. “When Taylor and I were fooling around, neither of us knew what we wanted. She was experienced, and I wasn’t. It began under the guise of her teaching me, but it kept evolving. Eventually, Taylor found out she liked not being the one told what to do, for once. She used me — no, that’s not fair — she used the sexual stuff we were doing as an outlet to get back at her asshole boyfriends for never treating her well. She wanted her control back. So she was in control, and kind of… dommed me, I guess. At its most extreme, she’d sit at one end of the room and order me to crawl to her, to… you know… eat her out.”