James was resolute, “No, we’ll pack but you’re coming home with me. You need someone with you so you don’t do anything stupid.”
James wouldn’t take no for an answer. I packed my belongings which only took a couple of suitcases and a few bin bags. I looked around for the last time. All I felt was empty and extremely tired.
When we went into James’s home, his wife Stella came over and hugged me. James must have called her.
Stella was very concerned, “The bedroom’s ready. Have you eaten?”
I shook my head, “I’m not hungry. I can’t settle. I never saw this coming. I must be the most stupid person on the planet. She’s been going out for weeks. Why didn’t I realise?”
James had made me a coffee, “I know you want to get drunk but that won’t help. You need your wits about you.”
We spent the evening talking about everything and nothing. None of us had had a clue of what was going on.
Stella stopped me when I said I would see a solicitor to start the divorce. “Andy, it doesn’t happen overnight. Take your time, learn what has happened and take it from there. A good solicitor will tell you the tortoise wins over the hare as they take the time to know as much as possible. Knowledge is power. In your job, you do the same thing, utilise your skills.”
I went to bed and sleep claimed me mercifully quickly but not before I shed more tears. The next morning James woke me with a cup of coffee. I showered and headed down for breakfast. Well, I ate a couple of bites of toast.
After breakfast, I checked our bank and credit card records. I didn’t know to be pleased or angry there were no unusual transactions, hotels, restaurants I had not been at with her. My mind went, she goes to his home, probably takes a change of clothes with her. She must be so comfortable with him to do that. Should I have checked her clothing to see what was missing, what she had there?
I was always asleep when she came home so I didn’t know what time that was. I certainly never saw any clothes like she was about to wear.
James and Stella spoke with me, “Had you heard from Kat?”
I shook my head, “I turned my phone off. I haven’t switched it on. I don’t know what’s worse, she calls or texts or doesn’t. I need to clear my head before I speak with her.
“I can’t and won’t stay married to an adulteress.”
Stella, who was a good friend with Kat asked, “She told you it wasn’t what it seemed. Are you going to give her a chance to prove that?”
I laughed, “How much of a fool does everyone think I am? She was dressed to fuck. Something she has never done for me. She could have said, “this is for you,” stayed with me and fucked my brains out. Instead, she called James and left me. I never knew she’d left. My mind was in a different universe. If she was worried about me, she could have stayed till James arrived at least. Actions speak louder than words.
“The fact I caught her is the only thing she didn’t plan for. If the traffic hadn’t been so bad, I still wouldn’t have known. She’d have carried on until she was ready to leave me.
“If she wanted out of our marriage, she only needed to ask. I wouldn’t have kept her against her will. Fuck, it was only a few months ago she was talking about having children. Who’s?”
“Am I so bad a catch? I tried to do everything to let her know how much I loved her. It was her who stopped our date nights, our sex life. I admit I had been pressuring her to consider being a bit more open to experiment with new ideas.”
I added angrily, “If she says she’s pregnant to delay the divorce, I’ll demand a DNA test before I pay one penny.”
James said brusquely, “Come on, let’s go for a run. You need to clear your head you said. All you have are questions and Kat is the only one who can answer them but first you need to organise them.”
We ran for an hour and a half. We ran faster than my normal so I was truly knackered. It hadn’t helped me order my thoughts. James was hardly breathing hard but he’s always been more athletic than me.
When we came in Stella’s face showed she was angry. “Andy, Kat called as she cannot get a hold of you. She wants to speak with you to explain. I told her you were safe but not in any fit state to speak just now. You were devastated at what she’d done.
“She said it wasn’t what it seemed. She hadn’t had an affair. She needs to explain it to you.
“I had a go at her, how could she but she kept denying everything.
“When I said you were adamant that you can’t and won’t stay married to an adulteress she broke down. All she would say was she hadn’t had an affair.
“I was so concerned about her I called her mum. I told her everything and she was heading over to help Kat.
“How can she deny it? Even as a friend, I see her choice of clothing as a giveaway. She’s never dressed like that around us. Even at the beach, her one piece is so conservative. I hope the bastard is worth the pain she and you are going through. Maybe, if we’re lucky, he’ll get hit by a bus!
“You two shower and I’ll make lunch. This time you will eat,” she said as she looked at me.
The afternoon went slowly. I checked the divorce laws and saw I wouldn’t be much worse off if anything. We rented, didn’t have much in the way of savings or other assets. I would need the name of her boyfriend for adultery which could take four or so months or without it, irretrievable breakdown takes a year.
I will never trust another woman.
James tried to interest me on the sport on the television but I couldn’t summon the desire to have any interest. Normally we would have joked and laughed through such an afternoon. Stella seldom allowed us to do this so it showed how much she was concerned about me.
Stella threw my jacket at me and told me I was taking her for a walk. That was her exercise. She’s a Depute Procurator Fiscal so she soon had all and I mean all what had happened out of me. Not only last night but the weeks beforehand.
She floored me when she asked, “What was the worst part in your mind?”
I tried to say, “The lot,” but she wouldn’t let me away with that.
I looked at her as we stopped by a bench. “Everything just seemed to pile on top. I wasn’t happy about the girls’ nights out as I saw her being evasive. I couldn’t voice my suspicions as if she confirmed them, we were done. I was so sad we’d come to that. I didn’t want to face the truth.
“I didn’t think anything when I heard the shower. It was her night out. I felt like I was knifed when I saw that little black dress, what it would reveal. When I saw the lingerie on the bed, my heart about broke. I could feel the throbbing in my brain as my blood pressure soared. When she came out naked, drying herself and I saw her naked pussy, my heart was ripped out.
“She would never wear any clothing like that for me. I was a sexist pig for mentioning she could have sexier lingerie. When I suggested she shave her pussy, I was a paedophile.
“She wouldn’t do anything like that for me but for him. Why did she marry me if she thought so little of me? Why?”
I started crying and Stella held me.
We returned and spent a strained evening before bed. I didn’t get much sleep as my mind wouldn’t settle. I spent most of it in that grey area where my mind was playing, not dreams but words. I woke up with questions and wrote them down before trying to get back to sleep. My writing’s not good at the best of times but in the middle of the night; I struggled to read them in the morning.