It was clear to me that if I was to be okay with it, I had to make sure Katie understood that, to remove any guilt or fear she would have so that this would actually work for her, for us. I just don’t know if I’m ready yet to accept that. It did cross my mind that this was just sex we were talking about. It’s not an affair, no-one is leaving. We are grown adults who both like sex. Were we making too much of this?
I went to bed and could tell that Katie was not asleep, no doubt she was worried that I may have read her journal, worried about what I would be thinking.
I put my arm around her and snuggled up behind her in a spooning position.
“I love you Katie Johnson, you know that right?”
“Yes, of course.”
“No, I mean that I really love you, more than anyone I will ever love.”
“That’s how I feel about you.”
“Good, you know Dr Forsyth was right, that you have to trust in us, and that this decision is not yours to make alone, right?”
“I know, I’m scared Greg. All this just so I can have better sex, how is this fair on you? Why should I be putting you through this?”
“It’s not about being fair Katie, and you’re right, it is just about you having better sex. But also I’m starting to think that we are making way too much of this. In the end it’s just sex, it doesn’t define us or our relationship. If for us to be truly happy you need to get your mojo on with Jake every now and then, so what? Is that really all we are? Our ability to give each other orgasms? I don’t think so, we’re way more than that, way more.”
Katie turned her head to me, even in the relative dark I could see the tears in her eyes. She leaned up and kissed me.
“I’m so tired worrying about this Greg, I just don’t want to think about it anymore. If we are going to do this, we just need to make a decision one way or the other and then that’s it. I just want to move on, with or without Jake being involved.”
“Alright, then let’s do what we would with anything else, try it once and see how it goes. If we decide we don’t want to do it again, then so be it. At least we know we have tried, and that we trusted each other enough to try it.”
“Are you sure Greg? We can’t undo this once it’s done, I can’t un-fuck him. It will always be there between us.”
“It already was there between us Katie, and where are we now? We’re more in love with each other than we have ever been. At least this time we will both be agreeing to this. No guilt, no self-hatred, no jealousy, no fear of losing each other. Just a bit of fun on the side, okay?”
“How can you be so calm and alright with this?”
“Because I love you so much, because I want you to be as happy as you can be. And if a part of making you happy means I have to tag in Jake once in a while, I think I’ll be okay with doing that.”
“This isn’t wrestling Greg, and you two are not a tag-team.”
“Maybe I’m craving me some tag-team double penetration with my little queen?”
I started to tickle Katie’s ribs. She was laughing and squirming.
“Stop it Greg, please.”
I eventually relented and Katie rolled over to face me.
“If this happens, do you want to be there with us? Do you want to watch or be part of it? I know Jake would probably be okay with that.”
“No I don’t want to watch or join in, definitely not the first time anyway. I would want you to do it here though, no hotels. I want to be here too, if we’re doing this I have to own it as well. I don’t want to even meet Jake though, I don’t want to be his friend or anything like that, no high-fives when he’s done. I won’t hate him though either and he has nothing to worry about coming here.”
“Okay we can work all that out, we don’t have to do this right away Greg.”
“Anyway, we might be assuming that Jake would want to be part of this, he might say no.”
“Don’t worry, he would never say no to me.”
“Someone is confident in themselves.”
‘No, it just is what it is. Even if he was married, he would still say yes to me if I asked.”
“Okay I believe you. Let me know when your ready to talk about it more, there’s no rush okay?”
“Alright, night Greg.”
“Good night my little queen.”
————————-
It has been a couple of weeks since our last discussion where we agreed to invite Jake to join Katie in our bed. Neither of us had mentioned it since, not even in passing. I guess we were both probably a bit nervous and apprehensive about what might happen. It was a Tuesday night and I had arranged to meet Katie after work in a small restaurant not far from where both of us worked in the city.
I walked into the restaurant at about 7pm, Katie was already seated at a table and was half through a glass of wine. I ordered another two glasses and sat down with her.
“Have you ordered the meals yet?”
“Not yet, I should have texted you for your choice, they always take a while here.”
“That’s okay. How was your day, not as bad as yesterday I hope?”
“Yeah, it was a lot better. Hopefully the work I’m doing will be a bit easier over then next week or two.”
“That’s good.”
I picked up the menu and then we ordered a few minutes later.
“Hey Greg, about what we talked about two weeks ago, you know with Jake.”
“Yeah, did you get in touch with him?”
“Well yes. Were you expecting me too?”
“I didn’t see how else this would work if you didn’t call him.”
“Right, of course. Look I’m just nervous about doing this. I really need to know that you’re going to be okay with this Greg. I just need to know that.”