That was a lot of fun this year, being focused on big challenges: climbing, trust exercises and stuff like that. At the end of the year we were going to be doing the high outdoor ropes course. During the winter we had an indoor rock wall and were doing obstacle courses assembled with the available gym equipment. Not too much team stuff, and that suited me fine.
I had just begun to calm down when a voice I knew greeted me. It was a friend of mine, Lotte.
“Hey babe,” she said, dropping her bag on the table and sitting next to me. She was a grade behind, but the study halls were always a mix. Leaning on her arm, she looked down as I started to sit up. “So tongues are wagging about first period. Apparently Mickey Smith and his two best friends asked you to prom and you rejected them?”
I groaned. “That is not what happened. First of all, it was just Mickey who walked over; I’m not really sure where the friends came into it, though they were there. I guess he asked me out, but I was too busy freaking out about it to reject him because I figured it was some kind of sick joke. But then he did this thing where he kissed my hand and called me ‘princess’?” I buried my face in my hands. “Prom was not mentioned to me, and I left him no time to talk to me again during or after class.” Rolling to one side on the table so I was facing her, I peeked through my fingers. “Tell me straight. What do you think?”
Lotte gave me a tepid look and lightly patted my back. “The rumors are swirling and I don’t think even you can ignore them this time, because the guys themselves have announced their interest. They’re even- reportedly- taking bets.”
“Oh God,” I groaned again, feeling my face heat. “I just… I don’t trust it. I don’t believe them. What? Fucking what? M said he didn’t even know who I was until today! Guys don’t want me. Guys like that don’t want me.” I wished, in that minute my face was the only thing heating up, but it wasn’t. Other parts of me were also stirring awake, as they had earlier.
All three of them had made eye contact with me today, and I’d been shaken each time. Something was there the entire encounter, and if what Lotte was saying were true, I was in some deep shit.
“Jane you’re fucking oblivious, you know?” She tutted me, shaking her head. “There are people around you- and I’m not outing anyone, so don’t even ask- who look at you like they’re dying for you to notice their feelings, and you’re so guarded you never look up long enough to see it.”
I froze in place.
“That’s not true, is it…?” I asked slowly. “Have I been hurting people’s feelings?”
Lotte sighed. “Not intentionally, Jane. You just lock yourself away because you had bad experiences. You might be surprised to know that a lot of your classmates actually get it, because they all remember. They saw everything.”
“And none of them stood up for me,” I replied dully, a little bitter. “So why would I ever dream any of them cared?”
“I get it, I really do.” She leaned over to give me a half-hug around the shoulders. “But in the process you became so notorious and such a freaking champion for the abused kids, people regretted how they treated you… they just don’t know how to apologize or try to mend the fence.”