“No, I do owe you an apology.” Bill said. “I swear it was just going to be the blowjob but it kind of took on a life of its own once we got going. Somewhere, during all of it, I remembered how pissed I was at you. I took it out on you with the anal sex. I should have stopped. I think it was some type of revenge against you.”
Anna cut him off. “Stop it, Bill. Yes, I was surprised at you what you did to my butt; but believe it or not, I didn’t let you do anything to me in that motel room that I regret. Maybe it was some form of apology on my part since I didn’t figure words would be enough. I know you would have stopped if I told you to. I may not know much about sex but I know that you could have made all of that way rougher on me than you did. You were forceful but gentle. Thank you for that.
Bill, I know I said that after this trip you would never have to see or speak to me again but I wonder if you would consider being my friend again. I really have missed you these past couple years. Since the folks and I aren’t speaking, you are my only shot at having some tether to my childhood.”
Bill thought about it for a minute or two. “I will try, Anna. But it’s going to take some time. By the end of school, I had made peace with what you became. In college, I thought moved past it. I truthfully hadn’t had a single thought about you for a couple of years until last night. A lot of shit came back real fast. I still need some time to think about it all but I’m sure we’ll be okay.”
“Thank you, Bill.” she said and leaned to kiss his cheek softly.
They shared a few good conversations during the rest of the trip until Bill pulled into the parking lot at her dorm. He turned off the car and started to get out so he could grab her bag for her. She reached to grab him arm, stopping him.
“Bill, can I tell you something else?” she asked.
“I think we’re past the point of needing to ask for permission, Anna.”
“I have a confession to make.” she said.
“Are you going to tell me I wasn’t your first?” he said jokingly.
“No, you jerk!” She laughed and punched him playfully on the arm. “Seriously, though. I need to confess something that happened at the motel.”
“Okay, I’m listening.”
She couldn’t meet his eyes again. She spoke softly, “After I touched you that first time and ran into the bathroom, something happened when you told me to come back out. My body was reacting in ways I didn’t understand. When you told me to come out of the bathroom, there was something in your tone of voice that I couldn’t resist. I couldn’t figure out what it was. It happened more than a couple times this afternoon. I was hesitant about some things you wanted me to do but your tone of voice still made me do them. I told you that I don’t regret doing them; I do still feel that way so don’t think otherwise but at the time I didn’t really want to. I still trusted you or I wouldn’t have been there, but I felt powerless to refuse you when I heard that voice.
I finally figured it out just a little bit ago. It was the same tone of voice that the higher ups used at the camp. It’s very powerful and hard for me to resist. I thought I was past it. I don’t like feeling like someone still has that kind of power over me.
So, here I go again asking something big of you. I know you haven’t fully decided whether you can be my friend again but I trust you more than anyone I know. Could we get together maybe once a month? I want you to use that tone on me again to see if I can begin to break free of it. Will you help me?”
Bill sat silently as he thought about what she had just said. Surely, she didn’t mean what he thought she meant?
Anna got out of the car and grabbed her bag from the trunk. She stopped at the driver’s side window and left him with one final sentence. “I’ll pay for the motel room.”