Upon delivery of the BBQ, my immediate neighbour, the husband of that lovely couple, came over with a look of concern. “Jodie, have you run that by Carol?” he asked.
I rolled my eyes, as we had built up a bit of a rapport by this point about this fabled Carol. “Run what, Joe? Do I need Carol’s approval to sit in my own yard?”
He bit his lip and nodded towards the BBQ.
“It’s just to cook some burgers and sausages? Why’s that a problem? I’ll keep it clean. You going to try and tell me that eating goes against the rules here?”
Joe held his hands up in surrender. “I’m not saying it’s right, but she’s totally going to get you on that.”
“What do you mean?” I was utterly perplexed. “That’s just a normal garden feature. Everyone has them.”
“Everyone doesn’t have Carol as a thorn in their side.” He wafted his hand in the air. “She’s totally going to make up some bull about environmental pollution or the like. She did the same thing when we had air con fitted, even had some guy come out with a decibel reader to check we weren’t destroying the peaceful harmony of the community.”
I grimaced towards the BBQ. “Well, there will be smoke, yes. It’s not like I’ll be using it often. Just for a housewarming party.”
“A party?” He blinked rapidly and shook his head. “I thought you were joking about that. That’ll be interesting.” He took a deep breath, before scratching his chin in thought. “Don’t be surprised if she shows up outside your house wearing all white and claiming the smoke ruined her clothes.”
I spluttered at the joke, but then became serious as I realised I was the only one laughing. “She wouldn’t…she’s not that bad, is she?”
“She’s a nightmare. Trust me. She sticks her nose in our business and makes all of our homes her problem.”
“Well, if she says anything, I’m just going to ignore her. It’s my home, not hers.”
He looked unconvinced. “Well, good luck,” he said, before whispering under his breath as he turned away, “You’re going to need it.”
I shrugged, and continued unpacking and assembling the BBQ in my yard. It was a bit fidgety, and the instructions left a lot to be desired, but eventually, with pride, I had the whole thing put together. I stood with hands on hips and marvelled at my creation. The party was going to be awesome, and I was already picturing everyone mingling and having a good time.
“What’s all this?” came a shrill, almost shrieking-like voice. Such was the grating, banshee squeal of it, that I instinctively flinched as if a seagull was about to dive-bomb me. I couldn’t even tell where the annoying wail had come from. I frantically looked around, in search of whoever had yelled at me in that way; even considering that perhaps it was my neighbour playing a joke on me. “What’s with all of these bags on your drive? Is that coal?” came another shriek, and I winced under the ferocity of the question.
I took a step towards the driveway, and a figure came into view, previously hidden behind the lone tree in the corner of my yard. “Can I help you?” I asked tentatively while I approached.
There was a woman stood peering over my fence, wearing a matching cream tracksuit and sneakers, along with a baseball cap, where her blonde ponytail had been threaded through the back. She was wearing a pair of glasses, and from the wrinkles around her eyes, I could make out that she was likely middle-aged. “Who said you could have one of those in your yard?”
“Excuse me?” I asked while squinting, before turning around and surveying my yard. “One of what?”
“Those!” She gritted her teeth, before pointing violently at my recently assembled BBQ. “You’re not thinking of lighting that thing, are you?”
I turned back to her, and waited for her to begin laughing and admit that I was the butt of some community joke. However, she just thrusted her finger at the BBQ once more. “How is that any of your business?” I asked, growing tired of her shenanigans. “What I do in my own home is up to me.”
Her eyes narrowed behind her glasses. “I guess you’re not up to speed on things? I’m the president of the–”
“Oh, I see.” I rolled my eyes, crossed my arms and tapped my foot. “You’re the neighbourhood Karen I’ve been hearing about, right?” I cocked my head. “The one who thinks she has the right to tell everyone how to live their lives?” I’d seen enough videos on Tik Tok and Instagram to know the correct way to deal with a Karen and her ridiculous, childish behaviour. A pinch of salt and a bout of mockery seemed the best ointment to their gnat-like presence.
I noticed the skin tighten in her face as her lips dropped to a frown. “What did you call me?”
“Nothing,” I said with a roll of my eyes, slightly amused that labelling her had somewhat rattled her composure. “Anyway, I need to get all of this set up.”
“Why do you need to get it set up?” Her head bobbed back and forth like an ill-tempered chicken. “What are you planning?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“Are you having a BBQ?” she asked, looking around aghast.
“Not that it’s any of your concern,” I said in a patient and patronising manner, “but, yes, I am. This weekend I will be having a little housewarming party. I’m new here, and I want to celebrate.”
Her hands had balled into fists. “The hell you will,” she said.
I let out a deep sigh, already tired of her performance. “Take care, neighbour,” I said with a peevish wave. “Feel free to come if you like. I’m sure we’ll all be having a good time.”
“We’ll see about that,” she said with a stamp of her foot, before she marched off away from my fence and power-walked down the street.
The next day, the guests arrived as expected, though, all seemed to be my personal friends, family and colleagues. I’d sent out a few invitations to my new neighbours, though most hadn’t replied, or had basically said that they were busy and couldn’t attend. Only Joe next door had given me a truthful response, “Being seen there will be like a bullseye on my back,” he’d said dismissively. “I’ve had enough of the Wrath of Khan, or Wrath of Karen, whatever you want to call it.”
I’d expected him to laugh and then confirm that they’d come, however, he’d simply scratched his head and scampered off back into the house.
Anyway, I’d put all of that drama out of my mind, and welcomed all of my friends and family with a smile on my face and a glass of wine. Some had even thought to bring housewarming gifts, which were more than welcome, and gradually, once the BBQ was fired up, everyone settled into having a merry old time.
Things were working out exactly as I’d hoped, and my friend groups were mixing and getting to know each other. Most were impressed with the property, and while enjoying a drink, glanced around the neighbouring plots and nodded approval at the whole feel of the community. Some even enquired as whether there were other dwellings still available for purchase. I even took them on a walking tour to view the pool and gym, and everyone was in awe of the beautiful home I’d bought.
However, there was a slight blip once we’d returned and the party had commenced. Carol appeared at the fence and spat some outrageous accusations at a few of my guests. I walked over and got involved when a few of my friends complained about the ‘miserable witch’ and how she was ‘dampening the mood’.
Will there a part 2?