I watched Brittany when she came home that afternoon, for any tell-tale signs of her having spent the afternoon fucking. She seemed to be her usual self though, even stopping in the kitchen to ask me about my day, before going to check in on the kids. Maybe this had become as routine for her as it had for me.
Over the next twelve months, we seemed to travel along the same trajectory. I’d just turned thirty and I’d been seeing another woman named Sara, she works for an insurance company that I deal with for some of our jobs. She too was married, it works better that way as there are no ulterior motives at play other than the sexual one. We both kept our relationship very discreet, but she’d decided to end it as she was planning on having another child with her husband.
So, today was my last dalliance with Sara, but it went a bit longer than I anticipated. That meant I missed a meeting with Kevin and our clients in West Dallas. After spending a few hours at our job site in Irving, I headed downtown to meet one our other clients for a quick beer.
While waiting for him to arrive I saw my wife heading into a bar across the road, she was arm in arm with another guy, different to the one I’d seen her with a year before. They seemed happy and looked like a real couple out for an enjoyable evening. I couldn’t stay around later to see what type of evening they had planned as it was my turn to pick up the kids.
Brittany didn’t get home until almost midnight, she’d texted me earlier in the day to say she was going out for drinks, but nothing since then. It was clear she’d had a few drinks and maybe a little bit of fun as well, her hair was a little more tousled than usual for her. This time she didn’t come and check to see how my day was, instead making her way to the bathroom before retiring to her bedroom to sleep.
I sat there at the kitchen table quietly drinking my Scotch, wondering if this was to be my life until our two kids left for college or work? For me to find different married women to occasionally fuck, meanwhile watching my wife go out to do likewise? It didn’t matter if I was with Clara or Suzanna or Sara, I still felt alone. I missed the kind of love I used to share with my wife. I knew if not for the children, I’d be out looking for that once again.
On Saturday we all went over to my brother’s house for lunch, taking Brianna and Thomas over to see their cousins. My brother and his wife Denise have four kids, all are slightly older than ours. John and Derek are ten and eight years old respectively, with the twin girls of Jessica and Christine being both six. Brianna and the twins are very close with Brianna being just the year younger. Thomas at just three is still a bit too young to worry about who he should be friends with, for him everyone is his best friend while they have his attention.
While our wives and kids were inside the house, Kevin and I made our way to his work shed, which doubles up as a man cave. From where we were sitting, we could look out over the back yard to the house. He handed me a cold beer before opening his own and sitting down beside me.
“Bill, can I ask what is going on with you and Brittany?”
“What do you want to know?”
“Why the hell are you seeing other women, taking up work time to go and fuck them? I know this has been going on for some time, it’s got to the point where I can’t ignore it anymore. It’s impacting your work, which means it’s impacting mine too.”
“Look, I’m sorry about Wednesday, it won’t happen again. That was the last time I was going to see the woman I’ve been with, we got carried away.”
“Bill, what the fuck? You’re married. Doesn’t Brittany and the kids mean anything to you?”
“Of course they do, that’s why we’re still together.”
“That makes no sense at all.”
“You know that Brittany suffered from postpartum depression after having Thomas, well this is kind of a flow on from that.”
“Thomas is three now, I’m pretty sure PPD doesn’t last that long.”
“It doesn’t. Brittany was better well before Thomas turned one, but it was too late for us by then.”
“Your marriage?”
“Our relationship within our marriage anyway. I haven’t had sex with her since before Thomas was born. By the time she was over the depression, we weren’t in love with each other anymore. She’s been sleeping in our spare room since Thomas was about three months old.”
“Fuck Bill, I didn’t know it was that bad. I just thought you were chasing a bit of tail on the side. Not that it’s the only tail you’re getting. What about Brittany, three years is a long time to not have any sex.”
“I’m pretty sure she’s been getting her fix too. I’ve seen her out with two different guys so far.”
“What? So, you’re both having affairs? Have you talked to each other about all of this?”
“Nope. What am I going to say, ‘hey honey I’ve been fucking a few different women because you won’t put out for me, how about you? I know you must be fucking a few guys as well?’ Nah, I’d rather not know.”
“Do you think she’s seeing anyone at the moment?”
“Yeah, she went out for drinks with a guy on Wednesday afternoon, she didn’t get home until midnight. I don’t think they were just drinking and dancing.”
“You said you haven’t spoken to her about it, so how do you know about her date?”
“I stopped in for a beer to speak with Gary Johnson about the upcoming job, while I was waiting for him, I saw Brittany head into the bar across the road with a guy, they were arm in arm with each other. They didn’t look like just friends, more like fuck buddies.”
“How do you know he’s just a fuck buddy? What if she wants to be in a relationship with the guy?”
“She hasn’t so far.”
“Maybe she hasn’t met the right guy yet is all. Do you realize how fucked you are if she does?”
“Why, because she might ask for a divorce? She knows how much I love my kids, I don’t think she’d do that.”
“How do you know? You haven’t spoken to her about it. Look, if by chance she’s out looking for husband number two, have you thought about the flow on affects from that? She’d get to stay in your house with him, with your kids, with your child support, with half of your share of our business. You’d have to get another place to live while watching her new man walk straight into your home. Seriously, you haven’t thought about that?”
“I have, I don’t think she’d do that to me.”
“So, you’re placing everything in her hands then? She gets to decide your fate while you watch her going out looking for your replacement?”
“I think she’s doing the same as me, she’s just finding a bit of comfort, nothing more.”
“You hope that’s the case.”
“What else am I supposed to do Kevin? If I found someone else I want to be with, it’s the same scenario as well. She still gets the house, the kids, half of my share of the business, and my child support. No matter what I do, she gets to decide my fate, not me.”
“You could talk to her, find out where her head is at with all of this.”
“I’m worried I’ll just force the issue if she’s looking to be with someone else. That if it’s out in the open, she might do it a lot quicker.”
“Is all of this worth it? If you get divorced, you can still see your kids sometimes. I know it’ll set you back a fortune, but at least you can be with someone yourself, maybe get a little bit of happiness back.”
“I don’t want to be a part-time dad, watching some other guy raise my kids in the house I built. Besides, I’m still hopeful we can save our marriage, somehow.”
“So, you still love her then?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“Fuck Bill, it’s not a good place to be in for you, I don’t know what else to say.”
“I’m not sure there is anything more to say. I’m just hoping for the best at this point.”
We finished our beer then headed inside. Later that afternoon when we got home, Brittany came into the lounge room to speak with me.
“Hey Billy, I’m thinking of meeting up with a friend to go watch a movie. Do you mind looking after the kids tonight, I won’t be home too late, I promise?”
“What, like last Wednesday?”
“Yeah, we got carried away that night. I’ll be home around ten I swear.”
“Sure.” I responded while trying to hide my displeasure.
“Thanks, Billy. I appreciate it.” As Brittany made her way upstairs to get ready.
For the next three hours I sat in the lounge room with a scotch, thinking about what Kevin had said to me earlier. What if she is looking for guy to be in a relationship with? I never thought I’d be happier to think that my wife was just fucking some other guy for the enjoyment, rather than for her to have feelings for him. How did I get to this place?
On Sunday we went to a park nearby for a picnic lunch with the kids. While they played on the swings, I sat with Brittany, watching her as she looked over at our children. She was still so beautiful to me, I always found everything about her to be attractive. From the way she smiled and laughed, to the way she danced, to the way her large breasts jiggle when she walks. Yeah, I wish that we were in love with each other still, that she really was still mine.
“Tommy, be careful. Hold on to the swing properly.” Brittany spoke out loudly to our son.
“He’s going to be a handful as he gets older. I can tell by the way he takes risks with a smile on his face.”
“Yeah, he’s a bit too much like you Billy.”
“I don’t know, I think his mom likes to take risks too.”
“Who me?” As Brittany turned to face me with that wonderful smile of hers.
I smiled back at her, as I heard a small scream from the swings, to see Tommy half hanging off, about to fall. I quickly ran over and grabbed him, setting him upright back in the small swing.