All characters engaging in sexual activities are 18 years of age or older.
Any spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.
*
Jackson had just about had enough of his wife. Tara had a miscarriage and she had become cold and distant. He had tried everything he could think of to get her to snap out of it. He tried to be understanding, but it just didn’t seem to matter to her. He even asked if she’d go see a counselor and she absolutely refused. She just told him that she was fine. There was nothing wrong with her.
Jackson stood six feet tall and weighed one hundred and eighty pounds. He worked out three days a week and jogged every morning. Jackson was co-founder of his own network security system with his best friend Joseph. Jackson was more into the security and computer work while Joseph was more business meeting type. When Tara had her miscarriage, he was able to take all the time he wanted to stay home and try to be there for her. A month later, Jackson and Tara decided it was time to go back to work.
Tara would get up every morning and leave for work. When she came home, she didn’t really seem to want to talk. At least not more than what was necessary. More often than not, she would just sit on the loveseat and stare off into space the whole evening until she went to bed.
The last time that Jackson made the suggestion about seeing a counselor, Tara finally showed some emotion. It was anger. It led to one of the few fights that they’d ever had in their marriage. He had tried to explain to her time and time again that something was wrong with their marriage now. Tara just continued telling him that she needed some more time, and to leave her alone.
Their sex life basically didn’t exist. They had sex from time to time, but it was more like she was just doing it because she felt she had to. Tara had always treated sex like a duty more than to put any real emotions into it. Her most recent lack of involvement had become an all new low, even for her.
Last week, Jackson was given four tickets to a charity ball at a country club nearby. They were given to him by one of the company clients. He thought that this would be a wonderful opportunity to get Tara out of the house. Do something besides go to work and mope around the house all the time. Jackson told Tara about it. He suggested that they invite her sister and her husband to go along with them.
Tara was excited about going at first. Then on Tuesday, she decided that she wasn’t going to go. She didn’t feel like she was in a good place to go someplace like that. Jackson got mad and it kicked off another fight between them. Tara finally stormed out of the room and into the bedroom. She slammed the door and locked it.
When Thursday came around, Jackson was still angry about the whole situation. When a client called about a security breach on their network, he decided to fix the problem himself instead of sending someone who worked for them to do it. He called Tara and told her that he was going out of town to fix the problem and that he’d probably be gone until Monday, but he’d try to get back sooner if it was a quick fix.
By Saturday afternoon he’d found the problems in the security system. He debugged the system and set up new coding to fix the problems. By that Saturday night he’d finished the job. He called American Airlines and found that he could get a flight back home on Sunday morning. Jackson called Tara at home and got no answer. He called her on her cell phone and got no answer. He left messages on both, letting her know that he was scheduled to land about seven am and should be home by eight. He found it disconcerting that she hadn’t answered either of the phones.
Jackson got home on schedule. The airline was spot on this time. Miracles do exist. Tara’s car was not in the driveway or in the garage. Inside the house, he saw that the answering machine still had his message on it. Starting to get a bit worried, he called Tara’s sister. He apologized for calling so early in the morning and asked if she knew where Tara was. She informed him that they had finally convinced her to go to the event. She had drank too much and so they made her sleep over at their house.
“Do you want me to wake her up Jackson?”
“No, I’ll see her when she gets home. Did everyone have a good time?”
“Yes we did. It was good for everyone to have a nice night out. I’m sorry you couldn’t join us Jackson. Tara actually did some dancing.”
Jackson thought there was something a bit off about Patricia’s voice, but he didn’t give it a lot of thought. They talked some about how his job went and then they hung up. He had slept at the airport just in case they could get him on an earlier flight. He’d actually slept fairly well, though he was quite stiff in his back and shoulders. He took a nice long hot shower. Letting the water cascade over his aching and knotted muscles.
Tara wasn’t home when he got out of the shower, so he made a cup of coffee with the Keurig, sat down to read the paper. He read the sports section first, of course; then he read the front-page news stories. When he got to the lifestyle section, there on the front page of it was a picture of Tara dancing with some man. She had her body pressed against him. This strange man had his hands down on her hips.
Jackson was pissed off. Tara had decided not to go to the event with him, then she decided to go without him and to top it off, she was letting some guy put his hands all over her while she dirty danced with him. He did some chores around the house while he calmed down. Her sister Patricia and her husband Bill wouldn’t have let her do anything that would jeopardize their marriage.
When Tara got home around noon, she was in a good mood. She told him all about the ball. How she enjoyed getting out of the house. She kissed him and thanked him for the tickets. She grabbed him and pulled him into the bedroom. For the first time in quite a while they had sex. After giving Tara multiple orgasms, Jackson came hard and filled her until she was overflowing. He rolled off of her and she snuggled into his arms and they both fell asleep within minutes.
They woke up an hour later and took a fun shower together. They washed each other, giggling and playing. The rest of the evening was the same. It was like the old Tara was back. They cooked supper together. They talked about what was coming up for the week. They even had a repeat performance that night in bed. As she laid sleeping next to him, Jackson smiled to himself and thought that things had finally turned a corner for the better.
By the following evening though, Tara had regressed to what it was before. She was moody, short, and spent a lot of time staring off into space. Whenever Jackson tried to engage her in conversation, she would keep it to short answers. By the time they both went to bed that night, he was sad.
Jackson noticed that Tara had been starting to dress more like she had before the miscarriage. She’d always dressed quite nicely. It’s not like she started dressing like a slob or anything. She just hadn’t been doing her hair hardly at all. She hadn’t been wearing makeup, which she used lightly before; she was now back to using makeup every morning. Once again, Jackson felt a glimmer of hope that maybe she was finally breaking out of it. She was becoming the Tara that Jackson had been attracted to, back when they first met.
It was an early Friday morning that Jackson’s partner Joseph called him. His wife had gone into labor and wouldn’t be able to attend a meeting with a client of theirs. Jackson had done this on a few occasions and while he was not very good at it; he was able to do enough to get by talking with folks and explaining the more technical aspects of what they do. Jackson said he could do it and went to the office to get the paperwork notes out of Joseph’s office.
Jackson went to the meeting. He ended up doing great. The client loved how he took the time and explained what he did. He explained a bit (without spilling his secrets) about how he does it. He explained how what he does protects their business and business interests. He explained that since he and Joseph do everything “in house with their own few employees”, it actually saves them money.
At the end of the meeting, he ended up getting a standing ovation. After a lot of handshakes, pats on the back and a promise of a contract extension and bonus, he was feeling incredible. Jackson sat in his Chevy Blazer and talked to Joseph on the phone, telling him about how well the meeting went and how their company was getting a bonus and extension. Joseph was very pleased and surprised. Congratulated him and promised to buy him a dozen four-packs of IBC Crème Soda.
By the time Jackson had hung up it was just about lunch time. So, he decided to take Tara out to lunch and share the wonderful news. He drove to her work and pulled into the parking lot. He called her. Tara’s new secretary answered the phone and told him that he’d just missed her. She’d left a few minutes ago and that if he wanted to wait a few moments she could look up her schedule on the computer. He could hear her typing,
“Let’s see what she has going on. Well, that’s odd. She doesn’t have anything on her calendar like she’s required.”
“Really” Jackson said. “Well, that’s OK. I’ll just see her at home then. Goodbye.”
Jackson had hung up and just started his Chevy Blazer, when he saw Tara come out of her office building and get into a Jaguar. Jackson was now curious where she was going in such a nice car. He let the Jaguar pull out of the lot, then he pulled out behind and followed them. He wasn’t sure what was going on, but he had a strange hunch.
Jackson was just behind them, and he could clearly see Tara was inside with another man. They came to a stop at a red light, he saw Tara lean over and kiss the man on the lips. Immediately Jackson wanted to get out and beat the shit out of this guy, but his cooler head prevailed. He simply switched on the dashcam that he’d installed when he bought his Blazer.
Jackson then called a friend of his in the police department to call in a favor. He’d rebuilt his hard drive to get rid of a bunch of porn he viewed on the house computer while his wife was away on vacation. Jackson asked him to run a license check on the Jaguar. He waited on the phone while he followed his wife and the man. A few minutes later his friend told him the car was registered to a Bryan Russell and gave Jackson the man’s address.
Jackson followed for another fifteen minutes. The anger throughout his whole mind, body and soul just continued to rise and rise. Every time they came to a redlight; they’d spend the entire time kissing. He’d been caring for and worrying about Tara for months and now she was freely giving what was supposed to be his, to this asshole in a fancy car.
He followed them until Bryan turned into the Marriott Hotel. Because they made a lefthand turn, Jackson was forced to continue down the road until he could make a U-turn and come back. By the time he’d gotten back, pulled into the parking lot and found a spot; he could see Bryan and Tara walking arm in arm into the hotel. Anger and pain coursing through his veins. He got out of his Blazer and started walking towards the entrance.
Once inside he could see them leaving the check-in counter and heading towards the in-house restaurant. Jackson waited until they had disappeared from his sight into the restaurant before walking up to the check-in counter himself. He asked if Bryan Russell had checked in yet.
“You just missed him. Their room isn’t ready yet so they’re having lunch. Would you like me to page them sir?” the young receptionist asked.
“No, that won’t be necessary. I would like to have a copy of their registration though please.” Jackson said, trying to smile.
“Sir, that is against company policy. I can not do that. I’m sorry.” she replied politely smiling.
Jackson reached to his back pocket and pulled out a one-hundred-dollar bill. One thing that he’d learned early in his life was that everyone has a price. He sat it down on the counter. The woman just looked at him smiling. He then pulled out a second hundred-dollar bill. The young woman looked at him and frowned.
“Him or her?”
“Her.” he replied.
She smiled weakly “Meet me over by the side hallway door. I’ll be there in a minute.”
Jackson walked around the corner and waited. A few minutes later, the young receptionist came out. She handed him a copy of the registration.
“Here’s the paperwork for a free weekend stay in one of our suites and six free meal tickets here at our restaurant. You’ll need somewhere to stay and clear your head once you confront her. I’m very sorry that you’re having to deal with a cheating spouse. I’ve been where you are. Good luck, sir.” she said then walked back through the door.
Jackson folded up all the papers and put them into his inside jacket pocket. He walked over to the entrance of the restaurant and looked for his wife and her cheating asshole. He spotted them quickly. Tara was sitting with her back towards him, and Bryan was sitting beside her. Jackson remembered where he’d seen him before. This was the same man that Tara had been dancing with at the ball she went to without him.
As Jackson was walking across the restaurant to confront them, he saw Tara lean over and kiss Bryan as she slid her hand behind his head. Jackson walked in front of the table but they were so engrossed in their kiss they didn’t see him right away. He could see that his wife didn’t have a bra on and she was showing plenty of cleavage for him. After what seemed like a minute, they finally broke apart and Tara saw him standing there.
“Oh my God, Jackson!” Tara exclaimed.
Bryan started to get up from the table “What the hell is going on here?”
“Unless you want me to break your fucking face, then you better shut the hell up and sit-down Bryan!” he yelled.
They both just looked at Jackson with shocked looks on their faces.
“Don’t you fucking come home Tara. You don’t live there anymore. I’ll drop your shit off at your sister’s house tomorrow.”
Jackson turned and walked away. He was madder than he’d ever been before in his life. He got in his Blazer and was just driving past the hotel entrance when he saw Tara come running out looking for him. He hadn’t gotten more than a few blocks away from the hotel when his cell phone started ringing. He answered it on his Bluetooth.
“Jackson, it isn’t what you think!” she said.
“Fuck you Tara. I know exactly what I saw and I’m not going to talk to you anymore.” Jackson said as he hung up.
His phone immediately started ringing again. This time he didn’t answer it. After 5 straight times, he finally turned the damn thing off. The ringing was making it worse. Jackson drove straight to the bank. He cancelled all their joint credit cards and started a new card account in his name only. He took exactly half of the money out of their joint checking and savings accounts and started a new account with his name only.
Jackson called Joseph and told him what had transpired, and that he wasn’t going into the office for the rest of the day. He was sympathetic towards Jackson’s problem and offered to come help him pack her stuff. Jackson told him “No thanks.” After he hung up, he went to a moving company store and bought a bunch of broken down boxes. When he got home started packing all her stuff. There was no order to his packing. He was simply dumping drawers and throwing clothes and then taping them shut.
By six o’clock that evening, Jackson had packed most of her stuff and loaded it into his Chevy Blazer. The locksmith that he called had already came and changed the locks on the front, back and side doors. He tipped him an extra fifty bucks for rushing over. The locksmith was very grateful. Jackson had changed the access code for the garage door and the security alarm system for the house.
He got hopped in his Blazer and drove over to Patricia and Billy’s house. When he got there, he saw Tara’s car parked out front on the street. Jackson backed up into the driveway and got out. He walked up to the front door and just as he was reaching for their doorbell, the front door opened, and Billy stepped outside.
“Jackson, just what the fuck is going on? Tara is with Pat and Margret. Talking about how you’ve thrown her out of the house.”
“God damn right I did. I got her shit in the Blazer and as soon as you open your garage, we can unload it and I can get the hell away from her.”
“Is there anything I can do Jackson?”
“Just help me get all her shit outta my Blazer.”
Bill opened the garage door, and they started unpacking Jackson’s car. They worked in an uneasy silence. Not a word was spoken. When they finished, Jackson was just about to get in his car when Margret came to the door.
“Jackson, can I see you for a moment?”
Jackson closed the door and waited for Margret to come to him in the driveway.
“Jackson, Tara is telling me that you have thrown her out of the house, and that it is all a big misunderstanding.”
“No misunderstanding Margret. We are done. I’m going to see a divorce attorney first thing on Monday morning.”
“Can you at least come in and talk with us for a few minutes. Please Jackson?”
He sighed and thought he might as well get this nonsense over with.
“Margret, you are one of my favorite people in the world. I understand that you’ve been a mother to Tara since her parents died. In this case though, it’s not going to do any good. I’ll go in there as a favor to you but I’m telling you right now, it isn’t going to be pretty.”
Jackson followed Margret and Bill into the house. There in the living room sitting on the sofa was Tara and Patricia. Tara’s face was streaked with tears. He stood there and just stared at them. After a minute or two, Tara finally spoke.
“Jackson, you have to believe me. It isn’t what you think.”
“Well then, why don’t you just tell me; what you think it is then Tara.”
“Bryan is a client. I was just having lunch with him.”
“Really. So the tongue dancing at the hotel restaurant is something you do for all your clients then. So all the kisses you and that asshole shared at every single redlight was what then? How about we all look at the video from my dashcam in my Blazer. By the way, do you take your bra off for everyone as well?”
“You followed me!” Tara exclaimed. “That’s such a betrayal.”
“You can go piss up a rope with your mouth open, you cheating cunt. I went to your work to take you out to lunch. I had a wonderful thing happen at work today, instead I found out what a piece of shit you are.
Tara let out a small wail as tears continued to flow.
“That’s enough of the language Jackson. I know you’re hurting but this name calling isn’t helping anything.” Margret said.
“Also, let’s not forget that you registered under Mr. and Mrs. Russell at the front desk. You were pretending to be married to that son of a bitch.”
Patricia stood up to say something but was cut off.
“I’m done with this bullshit. Margret, I gave you five minutes as a favor. I didn’t owe you anything. Now you owe me something.” Jackson said as he turned around and walked out, Tara burst into another wailing fit of tears.
Jackson drove home. He spent the weekend going between anger and sadness. Trying to come to grips with the fact that his marriage was essentially over. In his mind he kept going over and over everything since the day they got married. What could he have done differently? What had he done to drive her away? All those annoying and self-deprecating questions when something like this happens.
The whole weekend the phones kept ringing. His cell phone. The house phone. He would either ignore it or he’d turn off the ringer. He even pulled the house phone out of the wall. Finally on Sunday night, he got a different call. It was Margret’s phone number on the caller ID. He decided to pick it up.
“Hello Jackson, may I please have a few more minutes to talk? Please.”
“Gee Margret, I wonder what it is you want to talk about.” Jackson said with a mixture of anger and sarcasm.
“Tara is staying here with me. Patricia got angry and kicked her out when you told us all about her cheating.”
“I don’t give a shit where she’s staying Margret. I am glad to hear that Patricia has some smarts though. Don’t what that kind of stupidity around.”
“I must say Jackson. I do not like this side of you. All the anger and cussing. It’s not the Jackson that we all know and love.”
“I really don’t care Margret. It’s not a side of me that I like to show unless I’m BETRAYED AND LIED TO!” Jackson yelled into the phone.
After a moment of silence, Margret continued.
“Anyway, I’m wondering if you’re open to the idea of going to marriage counseling with Tara?”
“No. She chose to piss all over our marriage. She cheated. She lied. She tried to make me out to be the bad guy when she showed up to Pat and Bill’s house. She would barely even talk to me before I caught her lying and cheating. By the way Margret, did she tell you that I tried to get us into counseling before. She always refused.”
There was more silence on the phone.
“No, she didn’t.” Margret sighed into the phone.
“A marriage is a two-way street, and I was already tired of being the only one trying. Her cheating and lying just proves how one sided it was.
“Look Jackson, even if you file for divorce, which I don’t blame you for wanting to do, a judge is going to order marriage counseling anyway. Go to counseling with Tara. It might actually help save your marriage and if you still want a divorce, you can prove to the judge that you already tried.”
Jackson thought for a minute. Margret made a good point.
“Alright Margret. I’ll go to ten marriage counseling sessions only. However, Tara is paying for it. She fucked up, so she can carry that burden.”
“Deal. I know that you don’t want to talk to Tara right now, so we’ll set up an appointment. I’ll call you and let you know when it starts. Thank you, Jackson. I know how hard this is for you. I also know that you both love each.”
“You don’t know shit about how I feel Margret.” Jackson said.
Jackson heard Margret take a big deep breath over the phone. “We both have a side that we didn’t want to show people Jackson.” she replied and hung up.
Jackson went back to the book he had been reading. After the phone call, he’d read a few pages and then forget what he’d read, so he’d go back and reread them all over again. He finally gave up and decided to watch TV until it was time to go to bed.
Monday was business as usual at work. Jackson went into the office and continued working on a new security program. He stopped by everyone’s office and talked to his employees about how their weekends went and their families. He and Joseph worked hard and took care of their employees. They cared about them, and it showed. Everyone currently employed had been there since they first opened their doors. Some of them had even turned down offers for more money to stay. Jackson took incredible pride in that loyalty.
On Tuesday morning, Joseph came into the office to sign the new contract extension that Jackson had gotten from their client. There were a few media outlets there to take pictures and they interviewed a few people. After that Jackson and Joseph had a long meeting with their payroll company and the bank, about the bonus their client had given the company.
By the three o’clock shift change, Jackson was standing at the exit and handing each employee a seven hundred and fifty dollar check. They were surprised and very happy. Jackson and Joseph decided to take the rest of the bonus money and use it for their company’s Founding Day and Christmas Party that they had every year.
Jackson had just gotten home when his phone rang. It was Margret. She informed him that Tara had made an appointment with a marriage counselor named Dr. Carol Meyers for them at five PM on Thursday. They spoke briefly about each other’s day and then hung up. Neither one of them brought up Tara. It was just like any other friendly conversation they’d had before all this had happened.
Jackson didn’t go to work on Wednesday. Instead, he spent the day researching the marriage counselor Dr. Meyers. She was a fifty-five-year-old divorcee with three adult children. She had a doctorate in Psychology from the University of Michigan. She ordered take-out every single Monday and Friday. She went to church every single Sunday and played Bingo every Wednesday. She had very high marks from her peers. Her success rate was fifty percent. That made Jackson feel better. It told him that she didn’t push in any direction.
When Jackson went into work on Thursday morning, there was a nice mini-fridge sitting on top of a new table in his office. It had an orange bow and a card on it. The card was signed by every employee and inside the mini-fridge were twenty bottles of IBC Crème Soda. Jackson laughed and was touched. He made sure to personally thank everyone, then he got to work. He did some more work on the new program until lunch. After lunch he went home to relax, gather, and prepare himself for the first session.
Jackson put on his Archie Griffin jersey and drove to the session. He got to Dr. Meyers office at four forty-five. He sat down and started reading a Sports Illustrated that was on the table. At exactly five o’clock, the receptionist ushered Jackson into the office. When he walked inside, Tara was already sitting on the end of a couch. To the untrained eye, she was simply dressed nicely.
Jackson knew however this was not the case. She was wearing a pink summer shirt that showed her shoulders and light-colored blue jeans with white sandals and painted pink toes. She had her blonde hair up in a messy top bun and had on eye makeup that had her blue eyes prominent. She was dressed just the way that he loved.
“That’s dirty pool Tara.” Jackson said as he sat down on the other end of the couch.
Tara just smiled at him and kept her hands in her lap.
“Did you come here wearing an Ohio State jersey to make statement to me?” Dr. Meyers asked.
“Well of course. I’m in enemy territory so I need to represent my team and remind you that Michigan sucks.”
Dr. Meyers chuckled. “Yeah, we suck so much, we spanked you again this year.”
Jackson laughed, as Dr. Meyers immediately got down to business.
She introduced herself and stated that she has no desire whatsoever to push us towards reconciliation or towards divorce. She was simply there to observe and help both of us to communicate, understand and process the grief we were both feeling.
“Why are you here today?”
Tara spoke up first. “I did something incredibly stupid. However, it’s not what my husband thinks it is. I want to put this behind us and remain married until death do us part.”
“Are you currently living together?”
“No. Jackson has kicked me out of the house and I’m staying with my Aunt Margret.”
“I kicked you out after I caught cheating with another man.” Jackson replied.
“Please Jackson. You’ll get the opportunity to speak after Tara is done.”
“Tara, were you with another man other than your husband?”
“Yes, he caught me with another man, but it is not what he thinks it is.”
“OK then. Now Jackson, why are you here today?”
“I’m here because the judge will order it when we show up in divorce court, so I’m getting it over with now.” Jackson replied.
Tara let out a small wail and started crying. Dr. Meyers handed her a box of tissues.
“Have you filed for divorce yet Jackson?”
“The paperwork is being drawn up now.”
That wasn’t true, Jackson had been so angry, hurt and with work, that he’d forgotten to contact a divorce attorney.
“OK. I’m going to ask you to not officially file the paperwork yet. Marriage Counseling is already hard enough as it is. I’ve discovered that it’s even more difficult when there is a pending divorce proceeding in progress. It’s entirely up to you though Jackson.”
“I make no such promise.”
Dr. Meyers continued to write on her pad through all of this.
“OK. Now Jackson, what makes you think that Tara had an affair?”
Jackson went on to explain how Tara had been distant and even cold towards him since her miscarriage. How she had absolutely refused to go to any kind of counseling before this, even when he begged her to. He explained getting tickets to the ball and how she wanted to go at first then abruptly changed her mind. When he went out of town to work on a problem, she went without him. Seeing her dirty dancing with another man in the newspaper. He ended up explaining how he went to her office to take her to lunch. How he wanted to celebrate his good news with his wife. How he saw her get into the car and ended up following her. How he saw them kissing at every redlight. How he has everything on video and that he backed it up on multiple location servers. Seeing them checking into the Marriott pretending to be married to the other man.
As Jackson recounted and talked about all of this with Dr. Meyers, he could feel all that anger and hurt building back up again. He was yelling, his body was hot, his hands were clinched into fists.
“Tara, is what Jackson just said true?”
“Yes and no. I never had sex with Bryan or anybody else for that matter, since we’ve been married.”
“OK. Here’s what we’re going to do.” Dr. Meyers said shuffling some papers on her clipboard.
“I’m going to see both of you together on Thursdays at six o’clock in the evening. Jackson, I will see you alone on Monday’s at six o’clock and Tara I will see you on Tuesday’s at six o’clock. Does that work for the both of you?”
Both Jackson and Tara agreed. As they left Tara looked over at Jackson.
“I’m so sorry Jackson. Please, let me talk to you for just a few minutes.”
“Tara, I’m so god damn pissed off and hurt, that I want nothing to do with you other than talking with Dr. Meyers. That’s where I’ll do any talking to do.”
Jackson then flung the door open and walked out to his car. He didn’t close the door, he didn’t even give a quick backwards glance to see how his words had hurt Tara. He just kept going forward.
After six counseling sessions together, Dr. Meyers was beginning to think that there would be no way to put Jackson and Tara’s marriage back together. Tara had continued to insist that it was not what it looked like. Jackson was angry and hurt and it stayed amped up because Tara couldn’t or wouldn’t talk about what it actually was, according to her.
She felt that Jackson thought he would be able to get past his anger if he knew what actually happened. She also felt that Jackson didn’t really want to know because he liked being angry about this.
Tara had also started seeing a psychiatrist that Carol knew and went to school with. They sent clients towards each other whenever they encountered the need. He put Tara on anti-depressants which was helping her depression. However, with her marriage falling apart, she was just barely holding it together and wasn’t addressing the real issues.
On a Tuesday night at the end of a session, she finally decided to see if she could get Tara to come off her absolute denial. It wasn’t usually a good idea to do something like that, but she felt like she had no choice. It was the only way that things would be able to move in a forward direction.
“Tara, before you leave tonight there is one more thing that I think we need to talk about. I’m absolutely sure that if you do not tell Jackson every single thing that happened and try to explain the best that you can, why you did what you did, your marriage is going to be over. I don’t think Jackson is going to continue coming anymore, especially since he doesn’t actually have to. There is a chance that if you tell Jackson everything, like I think you should, your marriage will be over anyway. But it’s the only way that you both can start repairing the damage that has been done. You don’t have to say anything tonight but I do think that you should on Thursday when we meet together.
On Thursday night, Jackson and Tara were sitting in the waiting room waiting to see Dr. Meyers. Tara tried to make small talk. Jackson could see that something was on her mind. However, it didn’t matter to him. He ignored and didn’t respond to her gentle attempts. They were finally called in and they both sat down on opposite ends of the couch. Tara immediately spoke up.
“I need to tell Jackson something and I need to do it before I lose my courage.” as she was playing with a few tissues.
“OK, go ahead Tara.” Dr. Meyers said with an inward smile.
“Jackson, I know that you’ve really been wanting to know what I did with Bryan. Are you sure that you really want to know?”
“Yes I do. Something inside me has to know, so that I can move forward with my life.” Jackson said as he felt his stomach turn into a giant knot.
“OK. Please don’t interrupt me or ask me any questions while I tell you. After I’m done, you can ask me anything you want but please let me get everything out now.”
“I make no promises Tara. You lost any courtesy from me when you cheated.”
“A lot of this might not make a whole lot of sense now but it was how I felt at the time. I want you to know that I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am that this happened. I swear to God that I’ll spend the rest of my life doing every single thing I can to make it up to you, if you give me that chance. I love you more than anything in this world. I love you more than you’ll ever truly know.” Tara said taking a big deep breath in and out.
Jackson simply nodded as he looked at Tara.
“When I had my miscarriage, I became depressed however there was something that I did not tell you. When the doctor examined me the day after the miscarriage, he informed me that I now had a retroverted uterus. That it was possible that we could have trouble getting pregnant again. He didn’t say never, just that it could be more difficult. It would definitely cause more painful periods for me, make it difficult for me to insert tampons, make sex more painful and could even lead to another miscarriage if I got pregnant again. He strongly recommended that I have a Tubal Ligation and he wrote me a prescription for birth control pills as well.”
Tara took a short break to wipe her eyes and take a few more deep breaths before continuing.
“I felt that I couldn’t tell you about this because I knew how badly you wanted children. I was afraid that you would leave me Jackson.”
Jackson felt his stomach knot even tighter, he felt his hands ball into fists, he felt angry and hurt that the woman he loved kept such a massive secret from him.
“After I came home from the hospital the depression just kept getting worse and worse. I always knew that depression after having a miscarriage is a normal emotion. I also felt like I was only half a woman. I felt that I couldn’t be what you wanted because I wouldn’t be able to give you children. Before I knew it, I was so depressed that I didn’t want to even get out of bed. I had to force myself to get up. I couldn’t take birth control pills because you would want to know why. The one time we did make love afterwards I was constantly thinking that if I got pregnant that I’d have another miscarriage.
Dr. Meyers noticed that Jackson’s hands were bleeding from his fists being so tight as he listened to Tara talk. She got up and handed him some tissues to stop the bleeding. Tara just kept looking straight at Jackson. Her eyes never left his eyes, and his eyes never left her eyes.
“Thinking that way made me even more depressed and I knew that I was pushing you away but I couldn’t think of any way out of it. The longer it went it, the worse it got. It was like being stuck in mental quicksand. When you started begging me for us to see a counselor, I felt that you thought that I was crazy and it made me feel even less of a woman. Like I was just a horribly ugly woman who couldn’t have children and I couldn’t stop pushing you away, even though I could tell that you were trying to help me.”
It was at that point that Tara took a drink of water from a bottle on a side table next to her. Jackson stood up and threw the bloody tissues in the trash. Tara and Dr. Meyers could see tears on his face when he sat back down. He looked right back at Tara. Tara took a few more tissues out of a box then looked right back at Jackson and continued, much to Dr. Meyers surprise.
“That brings us to Bryan. Bryan really was a client. We did a project together that ended a few months before I had my miscarriage. About a week after I had gone back to work, I had a breakdown. I was standing off in a little alcove from a hallway crying when Bryan came by and saw me. He asked me what was wrong. I was crying so hard that I couldn’t even talk, so he took me into an empty office and got me to calm down. He took me to lunch at a restaurant where he had a private booth he ate in every day. I don’t know exactly why, maybe I was desperate to get everything off my chest, but I told him everything.”
Tara wiped her eyes again and continued.
“Bryan just kept saying that he understood and after I finally finished telling him everything, he told me that he was always available as a friend to talk to. After that day, he and I would go to lunch once a week and we’d just talk. That was all. We just talked.
“When the charity ball came up, I was hurt and a bit angry with you because you didn’t take me. I know I told you I wouldn’t go, but I guess I felt that you should have done something different, maybe stayed home with me instead of taking off on that trip. Anyway, when my sister called, and insisted that I go with them, I finally broke down and agreed. I drove over to meet them at their house, and we all went together in Bill’s car.”
“We hadn’t been at the ball long when Bryan showed up. I didn’t plan it. I didn’t even know he was going. He asked me to dance and I agreed. After a few dances, he walked me back to the table and I invited him to sit with us. Patricia was not happy about it. She was pleasant and polite to him. The dancing and the night went on, I continued to drink and was having a good time. By eleven o’clock I was smashed and continued to dance with Bryan. I don’t know exactly why, but that is what happened.
“I don’t remember a lot about the rest of the night. I remember being out on the balcony with Bryan, and Patricia coming out to tell me that it was time to go home. I do remember Bryan kissing me. I don’t even remember going to my sister’s house afterwards. I remember when I woke up the next morning, she lit into me. She was telling me that I was an idiot to be fooling around on you and acting like a complete slut. It was embarrassing to her and Bill, myself and most importantly to you.
Tara started sobbing again and wiped her eyes some more. Her hands were shaking as she took another drink of water to calm herself.
“She said that I better get my act together and start acting like a loving wife again. I realized on the way home that she was right. I really did try my best to seem happy and loving again. I know it didn’t last for long but no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t seem to hold it together any longer. It was a week after the ball that Bryan called me up and invited me to lunch. It turned out to be a picnic. He’d gotten finger sandwiches, some muffins, and a bottle of wine from a deli. We sat and ate under some trees. It was so calm, which was the opposite of what my life had become since the miscarriage. We ended up kissing under the trees. The next thing I know, I had given him a handjob and had fingered me.
With that Jackson got up and slammed the door shut behind him. Tara broke down crying even harder while Dr. Meyers ran to the door to catch him. Her receptionist was blocking the door. Carol walked up to Jackson.
“You said you wanted to know so that you could start moving forward Jackson. You knew this wouldn’t be easy, but I never thought that you’d run away from this moment like a coward.”
Jackson spun around and glared at Dr. Meyers. She could feel the anger and hurt and a small part of her was scared, so she took a step back.
“You listen real god damn good Carol. You don’t know shit about me or how I’m feeling. So take your ass back in your office and leave me alone right now.”
“Come back in and give yourself the closure you need to move forward. You’ve seen the progress that Tara has made as well. Getting all of this out in the open is the best thing for both of you, and I think you know that.”
Jackson took a few deep breaths. “I’ll be in in a few minutes.”
Dr. Meyers nodded and walked back into her office. Tara had her feet up on the couch and her head in her arms crying. She sat down beside her and patted her on the shoulder.
“You are doing great Tara. When Jackson comes back in, I want you to continue telling him everything. It’s working for both of you. I can see it.”
“He’s really coming back?” Tara asked looking back.
“Yes he is. He’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Tara sniffled and wiped her eyes. “I have to admit, I do feel better saying all of this out loud.”
Jackson walked back in and Dr. Meyers got up and took her place back in her chair. He sat back down on the couch.
“OK Tara, please continue.” Dr. Meyers said.
“Afterwards when I got back to work the guilt was almost completely overwhelming and my depression got worse. It seemed like I just couldn’t get away from Bryan. Every time I saw him after that lunch, I felt more and more guilty. The guiltier I felt, the worse my depression got. It got so bad that I was barely even able to function at work. By the time you caught us together at the restaurant, I’d already given him a few blowjobs. I never let him cum in my mouth though Jackson.”
“That day you saw us at the hotel was the first time that we’d ever gone to a hotel. He asked me the day before at lunch to wear something really sexy and to take the afternoon off because he had something special planned for me. When I got dressed that morning, I’d forgotten to wear something sexy and just put on my normal clothes. I didn’t even notice until he called me from his car. So I went to the ladies room and just took off my bra and panties. I figured that was the best that I could do.”
“I’m certain that when we got to the hotel room that I would’ve given him a blowjob. I can honestly say that I do not think that I would’ve had sex with him because of my crippling fear of pregnancy. I know it sounds crazy, but I didn’t want to betray you that way.”
“Jackson, your hands are bleeding again and so is your mouth.” Dr. Meyers said.
Tara looked over and saw blood pouring down his chin and oozing through his clenched fists. She never saw Jackson even flinch in pain. She was pouring her heart out to him, hoping to save their marriage and all the while, he’s just holding all his emotions in and bleeding all over himself. It made her feel even worse. Thankfully, the individual sessions had taught her how to cope in a healthier way. She noticed Dr. Meyers receptionist come in the office with a first aid kit. Tara simply continued to confess as they wrapped Jackson’s hand with gauze.
“I ran out to find you, but I didn’t see your Blazer anywhere. You wouldn’t talk to me whenever I called. I took a cab back to work and picked up my car. I just drove around for a while before I finally went to my sister’s house. She is disgusted with me and can barely talk to me without getting angry. My whole world has fallen apart since that day.” Tara said crying harder.
“Jackson, I love you more than life itself. This will never ever happen again. I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, if you’ll let me. Thanks to the psychiatrist that Dr. Meyers set me up with and Dr. Meyers herself, I am now able to deal with my past traumas. My miscarriage, my parents deaths and other things in a more productive manner.”
Tears fell down her face. Her makeup streaked on her face. Jackson’s face was still stone. His jaw and fists clenched.
Dr. Meyers spoke up. “Jackson, before you say your piece, I would like to add something here. When a woman is depressed the chances of an affair go up. When a woman is clinically severely depressed as Tara was and coupled with her poor self-image; all it takes is a sympathetic listener to manipulate her. Tara was very sick Jackson and has been for a long time.”
Jackson was quiet for a bit. Tara could feel the coldness from him.
“Let me get this straight. When you were depressed instead of trusting me, the man you married; you went to a stranger and told him things that you should’ve told me. You also gave him blowjobs, something you rarely do for me because you think it’s nasty. You continued to do it, all the while, feeling guilty about it. Is that what you’re telling me Tara?”
“Yes. Unfortunately, that is what I did and I can not tell you enough how sorry I am for everything Jackson.”
“That sounded like nothing more than a long-winded excuse to justify your fucking behavior. Tens of thousands of women, hell, millions of women all over the world suffer from depression and guess what. THEY CHOOSE NOT TO CHEAT ON THEIR HUSBANDS! You just admitted to knowingly making those decisions. You not only gave yourself to him sexually, but you also gave him your heart. All things that were supposed to belong to ME, YOUR HUSBAND!”
Jackson stood up.
“I’m going to move forward with my life, and I certainly cannot do it here.” he said and walked out the door, not even closing it.
Tara burst out crying and buried her face into her hands.
“Tara, I know that isn’t the response that you wanted or was hoping for, but I think that there is a big positive here.” Dr. Meyers said.
Tara looked up. “Oh yeah, and what is that?”
“He didn’t say that he’d see you in court. Nothing more we can do than to see how this plays out for next week.”
Tara tried to call him all day on Sunday, but he didn’t pick up. Margret tried to call him all weekend and he didn’t pick up for her either. Patricia and Bill drove over to the house on Sunday afternoon. Everything looked normal at first. The furniture was still there. There was food in the refrigerator, freezer, and cupboards. When they got to the bedroom, the bed was still there and made up. When they opened his closet door, his clothes were gone. His toiletries were no longer in the master bathroom. The garage had been emptied of all his tools.
Bill and Patricia looked at each other sadly. They knew that Tara would be devastated when she found out, and they were hurting as well. They feared that they’d lost a good friend.
Tara was working in her office Monday morning when her receptionist came into her office.
“Did you hear what happened to Bryan?”
Tara felt her stomach immediately knot up and her body go flush as she sat back in her chair.
“No, why? What happened?”
“He was found in his home beaten and tortured.”
“Oh my god.” Tara said. “Is he gonna live?”
“Yes. Apparently, they found him tied to his kitchen table with an IV bag in his arm. He was covered in shallow to medium cuts from head to toe. His face was disfigured and stitched up when they found him. Plus, he had severed tendons all over his body. One arm had a severed bicep, the other arm had a severed triceps. One leg had a severed hamstring and Achilles tendon the other leg had a severed quad and calf.”
“How to you know all of this?” Tara asked.
“I had a short-lived affair with him. The police came to my home and questioned my husband. It was horrifying having to relive that mistake. I’m sleeping on the pullout couch again. I can’t believe how stupid I was to sleep with that snake.”
“Oh yeah, the funniest part of the whole thing Tara. They found his precious Jaguar in the garage; it was CRUSHED INTO A CUBE!” She said laughing.
“Who do you think did it?” Tara asked trying to sound normal.
“Well, where was your husband this weekend?”
Tara gasped as her hands went up to her face. “Oh god, who else knows?”
“Everyone knows Tara. People here aren’t blind, deaf, and dumb.”
“Oh god, I hate myself even more.” Tara said as she started to cry.
“By the way, the police called. They want you to go down to the station and answer some questions now.” she said and walked out the door.
Tara wiped her eyes, blew her nose, stood up and fixed her face. She grabbed her purse and jacket from their hangers and opened the door to her office. Outside standing beside the receptionist desk was her boss, the human resources manager, their in house counsel, and some other co-workers. Some that she knew and some that she didn’t. Tara saw that the receptionist was packing her things into a box, and she felt her stomach knot. Then suddenly everyone parted like the Red Sea. Coming towards her was a well-dressed young woman carrying a manilla envelope and behind her was Dr. Meyers.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” Tara screamed as she fell to her knees crying.
Dr. Meyers ran up to Tara and crouched down next to her. Tara cried into her shoulder as she held her and stroked her hair. The well-dressed woman got down as well.
“I take it you are Mrs. Tara Brown?” she asked.
“I was depressed after my miscarriage. It was a mistake.” Tara said in broken words between sobs.
“You are served.” the woman said handing the papers to Tara and taking a picture on her phone.
Tara went to rip it up. The young woman stopped her.
“Mrs. Brown, I am also the attorney your husband hired to represent you. I know you are hurting and want to fight this divorce. I understand you want to stay married, and I understand the circumstances surrounding your affair.”
“It was a mistake! Please God don’t let this be real!” she exclaimed between wheezing and heavy sobs.
Dr. Meyers brought her head up and looked around at the scene. Some of the women who were watching were crying themselves. There was a deathly silence in the air. Dr. Meyers felt like these people wanted to see fireworks and instead got to see firsthand a human beings’ heart and soul being crushed.
She looked at a well-dressed older man “Get these people the hell out of here.”
The older man was the boss. He firmly and quickly got everyone back to work. Between him, Dr. Meyers, the attorney, the in-house counsel, and the human resources manager, they got Tara up and onto the couch in her office.
Dr. Meyers and the attorney were seated next to Tara and held her hands as her breathing and sobbing got under control a few minutes after sitting down.
“Mrs. Brown, I know you don’t want to hear this but, I very, very strongly encourage you to sign these papers. He’s giving you everything. The house and everything in it. He’s giving you half of the checking and savings. The only thing he wants is his Blazer and for you to leave his business alone.”
“If I fight him, will the judge order him to go back to counseling and make him stay?” Tara asked.
“Mrs. Brown, you had a long-term sexual affair with another man. He already went to marriage counseling with you and Dr. Meyers here. If you fight this divorce and it ends up in front of the judge, you’re going to not only lose; you are going to end up with far less than what Mr. Brown is giving you here in these papers.”
The company’s in house counsel spoke. “Do you mind if I look at those papers Tara?”
Tara nodded at her, and she picked them up and started looking over them. Her boss then spoke up.
“Tara, we are not here to fire you. You’re a great employee and we’ve always been happy with your work. We understand that you were severely depressed after losing a baby and that couldn’t have been easy. You have to be punished for disobeying our company code of conduct though. We are not going to allow you to work on any new projects for a year. That means you are not eligible for the bonuses and everything else that comes with that. Myself, and everyone here decided this morning that if you need more time off to deal with your depression and personal affairs, you can take it off and it will not be held against your personal and vacation days.”
“Mrs. Brown, I have to agree with your attorney here. I also strongly encourage you to sign these papers. The house alone is worth half a million dollars, and the property value is another half million. Because he has proof of your affair, a judge will order him a favorable split of the assets if you fight this. On a personal note Tara, I’m deeply sorry that you’re going through a divorce. I know how difficult they are. I’ll go draw up the paperwork agreement if you need to take a leave of absence and give them to your attorney here.”
The in-house counsel left, and Tara looked at Dr. Meyers.
“What do you think I should do?” she asked.
She took a deep breath and replied. “I think you should sign the papers Tara. Jackson did everything he could to help you. He came to every joint counseling session. He’s still taking care of you Tara. He got you a smart attorney and he’s giving you everything. It’s time to let him move on and you need to continue to get better Tara. You’ve come so far and even though Jackson is hurt, I know he’s happy that you’re getting the help you need and are improving.”
Her boss ushered everyone out except for Tara, Dr. Meyers and her attorney. Tara took a deep breath, walked over to her desk and got a pen.
“The police want to question me about Bryan, so I might as well get this over with.”
With tears falling down her face, Tara signed the divorce papers and put the pen down.
“I hope that wherever he is, God lets him know that I’m sorry and that I love him more than my own life. I’ll never forgive myself for what I did.” Tara said as she got up and walked out the door with her attorney and her counselor.