Then she met Marcus Standing. He was at a book launch organised by the publishing company she worked for and there was an instant click. He was a tall man in his mid-forties, and Victoria found him intelligent and not unattractive. Okay, in her twenties, she would have passed and she didn’t like the fact that he had a kid from a previous marriage, but in recent years meeting an available man with a working brain was such a rare event that Victoria felt she had to adjust her standards. Besides, she thought, an average-looking man like Marcus would probably appreciate an attractive woman like her more than a good-looking man. When she suggested they exchange phone numbers and go for a drink, he responded with enthusiasm.
‘I’m glad to see you’re not threatened,’ said Victoria.
‘By what?’ said Marcus.
‘My taking the initiative and suggesting a drink.’
‘Do men find that threatening?’
‘Many of them, yes.’
‘I see,’ said Marcus. ‘Well, apparently I’m not one of them.’
Victoria went home that night pleased with herself. She wanted a relationship with a man who respected her as an equal, and this seemed like a good first step. However, the days passed and Marcus didn’t call. At first, Victoria told herself that he didn’t want to be pushy, but after a week it dawned on her that maybe he had taken the whole initiative thing too literally. Men were like that. You tell them you want something and they think that’s all you want. When radio silence reached Day Ten, Victoria picked up the phone and called him.
‘Hi there!’ said Marcus, sounding genuinely pleased to hear her.
‘So you remember me?’ said Victoria, aiming for playful irony.
‘Of course! Victoria Don’t-call-me-Vicky from the book launch last week.’
‘Um, two weeks ago, actually.’
There was silence on the phone. Victoria had a mental image of Marcus frowning at her implied criticism. God, why were men’s egos so fragile?
‘Look, it doesn’t matter,’ said Victoria quickly. ‘I just wanted to know if you’re still interested in going for that drink?’
Marcus replied in the affirmative and they arranged to meet on Friday evening. Victoria made a point of getting Marcus to choose the location and he suggested a wine bar close to where she lived. She had spoken of her neighbourhood during the book launch and Victoria took it as a good sign that Marcus had been paying attention.
It also meant it was easier to go back to her place at the end of the evening, which is what ended up happening. Victoria hadn’t intended to sleep with Marcus on the first date, but after two hours of intelligent conversation, she realised she was hooked. Victoria knew from painful experience that a decent man did not necessarily translate into decent sex, so if Marcus was a crap lover, she thought it better to find out sooner rather than later. Fortunately, he wasn’t. In fact, he had a sizable cock and knew what to do with it. He also scored points for taking the initiative when it came to wearing a condom. Afterwards, as Victoria lay naked in his arms, skin to skin, she put a hand on his chest and let out a deep sigh.
Finally, she was in a relationship.
***
Victoria had two wonderful weeks. Marcus was a freelance writer, which meant he could work his schedule around her, a perfect arrangement. The sex got better as she grew more comfortable with him, and she loved conversing with such an attentive listener. The only thing she dreaded was his upcoming weekend with his son, during which she wouldn’t see him. She was afraid she might be jealous, but it turned out that having a weekend alone provided a nice break. Plus, when Marcus came around on Sunday evening for dinner, the sex that night was all the sweeter. This relationship was showing real promise. Who knew where it might go?
Victoria awoke early on Monday morning. On Mondays, she didn’t have to be at the office until lunchtime. Marcus was already awake, lying on his back in her bed, staring up at the ceiling. Victoria snuggled up to him and let out a deep sigh. Marcus gave her body a friendly squeeze and moved his leg so she could get closer. They lay together in blissful silence.
‘Isn’t this wonderful?’ said Victoria.
She felt Marcus hold his breath. His thumb, which had been stroking her shoulder, stopped moving. Victoria twisted her head to look at him. Marcus looked at her.
‘I know what you want me to say,’ he said. ‘But I’d prefer to keep quiet.’
‘What are you saying?’
‘I’m saying that I don’t want to say anything.’
Victoria pulled away and sat up. She grabbed a pillow so she could cover herself while she glared at him. Marcus pushed himself up to a sitting position, his back against the headboard. He still wore a stupid half-smile and Victoria wanted to slap it off his face.
‘Marcus, have you any idea how vulnerable I am right now?’ she said.
‘Yes, I think so.’
‘Then how can you say that?’
Marcus frowned and gave Victoria a serious look.
‘Do you want me to leave?’ he said.
‘Is that what you want?’ said Victoria.
‘Not particularly.’
‘Not particularly?’
‘Look, I’d rather stay. But if my being here upsets you, I don’t want to impose myself.’
‘What upsets me, Marcus, is that you clearly don’t want to be here!’
‘That’s not true. I just don’t want to endorse the word “wonderful”.’
Victoria couldn’t believe her ears. Here was an average-looking man who should consider himself lucky she was consenting to have sex with him acting as though she were the lucky one! Who the hell did he think he was?
‘Marcus, on second thoughts, I’d like you to leave,’ said Victoria.
She was glad to hear her voice sound crisp and in control. Marcus held her gaze for a moment. Victoria maintained eye contact. Marcus gave a nod and climbed out of bed. Victoria pulled the cover over her shoulders and watched him get dressed. He did it like a man going to work, detached and unhurried. Finally, he was dressed except for his bare feet.
‘Nothing to say?’ said Victoria.
‘Not really, no,’ said Marcus, looking around for his socks.
‘Not even an apology?’
Marcus turned towards her. After a moment, he sat back down on the bed and looked at her across the bedcovers.
‘You said, “Isn’t this wonderful?” ‘ said Marcus. ‘And I was supposed to answer, “Yes, Victoria, this is wonderful, isn’t it?” Right?’
‘You make it sound like a… an obligation.’
‘Well, it kind of is, isn’t it?’
Marcus was half turned on the edge of the bed so he could face her. Victoria dreaded what he might say and tightened her grip on the pillow which covered her. Marcus saw the movement and contempt flickered across his face.
‘Are you too vulnerable for this conversation?’ he said.
Victoria glowered at him, furious. Marcus nodded, unsmiling.
‘Okay,’ he said. ‘Then here’s the truth: Being with you is not a wonderful experience, not for me. You claim to want an equal relationship, yet it’s perfectly clear that you consider you’re doing me a massive favour by inviting me into your bed. You act as though I should be on my knees with gratitude and that’s very unpleasant for a man.’
Victoria swallowed. She wanted to deny it, to tell him his male ego was distorting his judgement, but before she could, something inside her cracked and she burst into tears. Within seconds, the pillow was pulled from her arms, strong hands were lifting her bodily onto his lap and she felt a man’s strong chest against her cheek. She had a flashback of her former boyfriend sitting next to her as she cried, asking, ‘Would you like me to give you a hug?’ and Victoria held Marcus tight and cried her heart out.
***
Victoria experienced two more happy weeks. It was great to be with a man who could handle her when she was upset. It made her realise how emotionally inept the men in her past had been. And, paradoxically, because Marcus could handle her anxiety, she became less anxious. People at the office noticed a change in her. Victoria found herself admitting that she had met ‘someone special’ and when people asked if it was serious, she’d say: ‘Not at present… but who knows where it may go?’
It was a Thursday evening when it all came crashing down. They were in her apartment preparing a pasta meal together–Marcus chopping vegetables and Victoria at the cooker–with glasses of red wine in easy reach. Marcus laid the table while Victoria finished cooking and the two of them sat down to eat. There were candles on the table, her favourite music played in the background, and the atmosphere was so romantic that Victoria reached across the table and took Marcus’s hand.
‘Marcus, I am so enjoying this,’ she said.
‘So am I,’ he said, squeezing her hand.
‘Glad to hear you say that,’ said Victoria, taking back her hand. ‘And who knows where this may go?’
It had sounded light and playful to her ears, so at first Victoria didn’t understand what was happening when Marcus stopped eating and carefully laid down his cutlery. He looked at her with his serious face and Victoria’s heart began to race.
‘I didn’t mean anything by it,’ she said.
‘Yes, but it’s not the first time you’ve said it,’ said Marcus. ‘In fact, this is the third time in the past two weeks.’
‘Are you keeping count?’
‘I have a good memory. Of course, if you think I’m mistaken, you’re free to correct me.’
Victoria dropped her cutlery into her plate with a clang. He was referencing a previous argument and she did have the stomach to repeat it.
‘Marcus, don’t do that.’
‘Victoria, you were the one who told me not to assume my memory was perfect.’
‘Yes, and you’ve made me regret saying that ever since! You’re right, okay? Your memory is correct! I acknowledge the accuracy of your recollections! Happy?’