He’d bitten her apple as Adam bit Eve’s, but he’d be no cuckold; he was leaving Susan. In eight hours he’d be free, or dead. Colin havered on the ledge below the barbican’s battlements, cursing the ball lightning flashing in the tropical storm clouds, too bright to conceal, too intermittent to light, his escape.
The barbican, a folly designed by Disney, incorporated features mismatched in time and place. Vlod made billions exporting body parts from China to the world. Like all Virgin billionaires, he craved kingship on his own island in the sun. There, he built this miscegenation, with scant regard to keeping intruders out but incorporating state-of-the-art features to keep potential fugitives in. The trappings of paradise baited his Faux Gothic lobsterpot.
Colin understood money corroded his relationship with Susan. He never earned like his brothers-in-law or Susan’s friends’ husbands. Their home was never in the prime area, their car two years old, their holidays in second-tier resorts. And what sustained it? He had an exceptional penis, long, strong and girthy, and was a gifted swordsman. Susan played the field for ten years before they became engaged, she knew the value of a fine manhood. But for that, his deficiencies as a provider would have ended their marriage long since.
Katya and Vlods’ marriage was a mirror image. Vlod had a cuckold’s penis, barely four inches erect, and thin. Despite having hired the best tutors in erotic artistry he could never satisfy Katya sexually. He’d hired ‘valets’, even flown in a succession of male stars from the adult video industry to attend their love-making, ensuring her physical needs were met. Money underwrote their marriage.
Katya was slumming when she met Susan, who was in her cups in a wine bar, anaesthetising herself after another showdown with the bank manager. Each bared their souls. Susan shared that the only tie holding her marriage together was Colin’s virility. Katya understood. She could help. She knew an investment banker who’d lift her overdraft, and advance sums on low interest to improve her cash flow – provided Katya was Susan’s indemnor and each husband went guarantor for his wife.
Susan asked, “How would that work?”
“It’s legalese. In case of default, I’d stand in your place, you in mine. I’d pay, I’m wealthy.”
“I understand, we’d swap places.”
“Exactly.”
Katya’s lawyers expedited completion of the paperwork.
Colin seized this opportunity to stabilise his marriage. Susan’s mood lightened, although her extravagance continued unabated. Soon, they drove a flashy new car, were re-mortgaged and moving to a fashionable suburb, eating out, generally living the lifestyle she believed was her entitlement. To top it, Katya invited them, at her expense, to spend the holiday of a lifetime in luxury accommodation on a pacific island.
For the first week, Susan and Colin achieved unparalleled ecstasy in their love-making. The Liski’s, aroused but unconsummated, surreptitiously listened to their animalistic rutting and climatic convulsions carried, in grunts, groans, slaps and screams, over concealed microphones. They could wait no longer.
At dinner, on the eighth evening, as they sipped port and sampled the world’s most exotic, and expensive cheeses, Vlod came to the point. “Not everything has worked out as we hoped, Susan. We’ve facilitated your substantial line of credit, but you’ve failed to pay some creditors who’ve called on Katya to pay as your indemnor. Now, our wives must each look to their guarantors, Katya to me, and you, to Colin.”
“I’m so sorry,” said Susan, “but I’m confused, the creditors were paid, we’ll spend more carefully, we’ll soon make good the shortfall. Why involve our husbands?”
“You can pledge Colin’s credit just as Katya can pledge mine. We now stand in the shoes of your creditors, ”
“Of course, but …”
“Tomorrow, at 6 am, we’ll enforce our security,” said Vlod.
“You’ll swap Katya for Susan?” asked Colin.
“No.”
“The security says Susan and Katya will swap places.”
“She pledged your credit, you’ve failed to pay, we’ve repaid your creditors. Now, under the guarantee, we enforce our security. As our wives’ guarantors, you, Colin, must stand in Susan’s shoes to make good Susan’s deficiencies, and I must stand in Katya’s. The surgical team arrives in the morning. Until the formalities under our security are completed, neither of you can leave.”
“I don’t understand, ‘what deficiencies’, ‘surgical team’? What surgery?’ exclaimed Colin.
“Susan has no penis, Katya has no penis. We stand in their shoes. Read the small print carefully, You’ll see it says swap, not ‘places’, but ‘penises’.