A fictional tale, written in UK English
“Get out, I fucking hate you, you nasty cunt.”
Those were the last words I spoke to my wife, Cindy, the woman I’d adored for 7 years, before meeting her briefly at the divorce court several months later. That was another conversation, more of that later.
I’d never expected this would happen to us; we seemed set for life. Seven years isn’t that long in reality but we appeared a perfect couple, I never doubted her faithfulness, right up until the moment I realised what a complete fool I’d been. Her fucked an actor blatantly whilst we were all at an awards ceremony in Cannes, South of France.
She worked in a high-profile agency that represented some A list actors. There my friends, lay the road to her temptation and our destruction as a married couple.
Why they had been dumb enough to invite me along for this jolly in the Mediterranean sunshine is beyond me, they had obviously just felt so entitled that they assumed I’d roll over to what was presented to me. Wrong.
I won’t name the predatory piece of pond scum who seduced her and made her his slut.
Why? Because certain people have paid me very well to sit on their secret, to protect him, to have her out of my life with only financial gain, no alimony, she has signed away all rights to all of our joint assets and I assume is being compensated either by the scumbag or her employers at the agency. I don’t care if she starves to death the treacherous cunt.
I’ve got to mention him to tell this tale, but I’ll call him Tim. Do you know any famous actors called “Tim”? No, me neither, so Tim it is. Apologies to minor Tims who may be offended by my lack of recognition,
A mere five million payoff for me to sign a non-disclosure agreement plus being rid of her and at no cost in terms of our assets, seemed like good business. Yes, there was a personal cost but 5 million reasons to be pragmatic.
I was already financially well-heeled but that amount of money, discretely paid off-shore was just too much to resist given I was definitely throwing her out even If I’d had to pay over half of our assets to her to be rid of her.
Me? I’m Jeff, Jeff Smithers and I’m a very angry soon to be single man, although I didn’t know it yet, as this tale begins, still part of Jeff & Cindy. What I hate is being played for a fool and how I had been.
I’m the owner of my consultancy business and it’s been a labour of love, I have built it from scratch over a decade, it is doing well and has funded most of what pays for Cindy & my lifestyle. I had the foresight to make sure she signed a prenup keeping it out of our community property as a couple, thank God for that, albeit she’s have had to sign away that too.
I’ve a good client base and lots of recurring business with large companies. My future in that respect is secure.
So, the problem then, the lovely Cindy. Yes, she was lovely, owned my heart so completely, I had thought we were a golden couple, instead she cheated on me with someone probably because he is famous. What a fucking cliché.
Cindy was and is beautiful, I thought she was beautiful inside and out but how wrong a fool in love can be. We were both 29, seven years married 2 years dating before that. She had been at the agency for 8 years, she had progressed to the extent that she was now heavily involved with some of the largest clients — none more so than Tim, obviously.
If I hadn’t been so in love and trusting in her, there were signs I might have picked up on. When she was told she would be dealing at least part-time with Tim as a client she was incredibly excited, she had told me how honoured she felt, how handsome he is and what a really nice down to earth guy he is. All the signs of infatuation but because I trusted her with my life, I was too blind to see any danger.
She had been asked to travel with him as he toured the TV networks to publicise his latest movie. She was excited and I didn´t want to try to ruin things for her by protesting her quite long absences, a week here, 10 days there, even a trip around major European capitals doing the circuit, London Berlin, Rome, Madrid and of course Paris. That was an 18 day junket, but I was happy for her, if anyone loved her job it was Cindy, getting to mix with some very famous names. I hadn’t a clue that my marriage was about to collapse.
A few months later, she was still buzzing with the excitement of the travel and the stars and came home to me one night with big news.
“Jeff, I got really exciting news today, Tim’s film has been nominated for an award at the Cannes Film Festival, I’ll be part of the group going, I’m really excited to be part of it and I’ll be at the awards ceremony, my agency is even giving me a big budget to get some evening gowns for the ceremony and parties.”
Her face dropped a little when my response was muted. I thought I’d been fair about the time she’d already travelled for the publicity tour. I’d just said a rather non-committal, “Oh.”
“What’s wrong Jeff? I thought you would be happy for me getting this opportunity.” she was a little downbeat, but nothing was really going to rain on her parade.
“Cindy, it’s just that I really missed you when you did the publicity tour, I hate being apart from you and that was several weeks over 3 months, “however of course I know you have to go and more than that, I know you really want to.”
I let that hang in the air before adding, “I just hope that after this you will find some time for your husband.” Cindy looked a bit hurt by that; she was going to protest but didn’t.
The fact that she said nothing in protest gave me my first slight jolt that something more might be happening than I thought. That didn’t last because she amazed me the next day by calling me to let me know that the agency would pay for me to travel with the group in gratitude with the amount of time I’d “allowed” her to be away from home over many months.
She said it would mean two weeks away, everything first class and all free to me if could I take the time away from my business and I quickly agreed to do it. A free trip to France, I wasn’t passing that up, I made a few date changes made some plans to work remotely with some clients and cleared the necessary space.
If I knew then what I know now, I would have happily stayed at home, but then I would still have thought I had a faithful wife. Every cloud has a silver lining even if it seems like a shit sandwich at the time.
And so off to France we went to the beautiful town of Cannes on the French Riviera, down the coast from Monaco & the big city of that area Nice. The festival usually occurs in May and lasts 11 or 12 days, we were lodged in an upscale 5 star hotel with a suite overlooking the famous Plage du Midi where the famous, especially beautiful female actors are photographed against the backdrop of the Bay of Cannes.
I knew Cindy would be involved with the group, maximising the publicity and, as the best looking female in the group, including a well-known actress, she would be part-time eye-candy in the press photos. I had work I could complete online but much of the time was really vacation time for me entertaining myself.
The time I spent with Cindy was minimal but I wasn’t in any way concerned, I assume that all the cooing she did over her involvement with Tim was awe at being with such a famous guy, but ultimately her job.
My first moment of real concern was when she came back to the suite to change for what was to be an afternoon of publicity shots on the beach, effectively she was decoration for the main player the actors. We’d been there for 5 days and there had been nothing out of the ordinary.
She came out of the bathroom wearing a bikini, well I say a bikini, the reality was it was like a few bits of connecting dental floss and covered almost nothing, she was showing almost all of her nice sized C cup tits, completely all of her ass as there was just the small string tucked away between her ass cheeks, and the only thing covering her pussy was a small piece of material that showed a prominent camel-toe. The material was partially but not quite transparent but very obviously if it got wet it would show everything she had to offer.
I was shocked, I’d never seen it before. “What the fuck is that Cindy, you aren’t going out in public wearing that surely?” I said in surprise, “where did you get that?”
“It’s a present from Tim, he said it would make the press photos hot, it’s part of my job here Jeff, please don’t make it something it’s not.” She at least had the decency to look a little embarrassed but made no sign of changing.
“Fuck Cindy, I don’t want half of France and even less so do I want our friends at home to see you dressed like that, you look like a porn actress or a prostitute” I’d said before I’d really thought and she grabbed a wrap and left in a fury at my words.
I decided to leave her to it, got on with some work and ordered a light lunch through room service. Our suite had a small terrace overlooking the Plage du Midi so that’s where I took my lunch and noticed Cindy and her party posing happily for dozens of photographers, professional and opportunist amateurs alike.
From the 30 or so metres from our terrace she almost looked nude. She also never seemed to stray more than a few feet from Tim.
I noticed several times his arm circling her waist but it was uncomfortable to watch but not a definite sign of anything untoward. I kept watching and when the posing finished a few including Cindy and Tim headed to the sea whilst others drifted back to the hotel.
It wasn’t far from the promenade to the sea so it was easy to keep an eye on things from my viewpoint. Again, nothing very obviously wrong but eventually, after they’d been in the sea, I saw her walking back up the beach, his arm around her waist the whole way.
When they reached the promenade to cross back over to the hotel, it was obvious that her wicked weasel “stringkini” was soaked through, her nipples were sticking out prominently, her nipples grew large when aroused.
I wasn’t liking what I was seeing. This looked very like what you’d expect from lovers and certainly came nowhere near passing the husband test. I was now officially worried about my marriage for the first time ever. My mood didn’t improve when it was another 45 minutes before she returned to the room. She looked the epitome of innocence as if butter wouldn’t melt between her thighs.
I frowned at her and shrugged my shoulders.
“What?” she said looking surprised by my reaction. “What’s wrong?”
I looked pointedly at her pussy, staring straight between her legs, “Well, I’ll tell you what’s wrong. First your cunt is plainly visible to the whole of France in that… whatever you describe it as. Second your big hard nipples are on display as are almost you whole tits, the whole population can clearly see all of my wife’s body. Then, …”
She interrupted me and said, “Don’t be so uptight Jeff, this is Europe, nobody worries about a bit of exposed flesh here. Anyway I thought it might turn you on we’ve had so much time apart this year I thought I’d wear it for you.” I wasn’t buying it.
“Cindy, Tim bought it for you, you are wearing it for him, or at best you are wearing it for work, not for me. Also, I watched you and Tim walk up the beach his arm around you the whole way, pulling your body against him… and if that wasn’t enough, you crossed back to the hotel 45 minutes before you came up here, where the hell were you?”
Again she had the decency to blush before answering, “What are you suggesting Jeff, what are you accusing me of? You know that this is work, don’t you? Jeff I’m doing my job, yes Tim is easy on the eye but that is it, nothing is going on. Baby I’m working.”
I decided to bite my tongue, I supposed her explanation was just about possible, but she had obviously spent a lot of time with Tim, and they were obviously very comfortable together. Was she just very good at her job? She had said there had been talk of a big bonus for how she’ handled things for Team Tim, this was the last big event that this movie would create, maybe in a month I’d feel dumb for thinking anything was wrong.
So, the next day was a big one, it was the night that the first awards for his film started. I was not attending this; I was there as an add-on with no part or involvement in the big showpieces. Cindy wore a fabulous gown and looked simply sensational, my heart was beating fast as she left of the event, I knew the chances were that she would be seated beside Tim. I hoped my heart would not be broken any time soon.
The festival is heavily covered on French TV so I hadn’t long to see confirmation that Cindy was not only sitting beside Tim but seemed to be leaning into him. My concerns just kept rising. Tim won an award, and I got a text asking me to attend the after party.
That is where everything turned to shit.
It started out OK, a few drinks turned into a lot of drinks, as it approached midnight some were drifting away and I could see Cindy head towards the ladies. To my surprise, Tim came to chat to me for the first time. We’d never spoken together and I doubted we had anything in common, however with his first line I understood we had indeed something in common, fucking my wife..
“Hi Jeff, your wife is magnificent, you are a lucky man, I’ve enjoyed fucking her over the last few months.”
I was tempted to beat him to a pulp, I’m a big guy probably 25 pounds heavier and 3 inches taller and I had intense anger on my side. However, I wanted to know all about it so with great difficult I asked him, “Nice to know Tim, how long has she been enjoying being in your bed?”
I had relative sobriety on my side, he was the worse for drink and enjoying gloating, “Oh soon after we started the promotional tour, I’m sure I’ve slept with her 10 or 12 times, fucked her maybe 30 times, dumped my cum in her ass 5 or 6 times, throat fucked her, made her clean my cock with some ass to mouth.”
I saw her approaching, out of the corner of my eye, but I ignored her but wanting her to hear the next bit, Tim was unaware of her so I said, “OK Tim, thanks for telling me my wife is just another slut. Would you like to take her off my hands?”
Her face fell as she heard that question and she burst into tears when she heard his reply, “Fuck no mate, keep her, I can have a slut like your wife anywhere anytime, she’s a decent fuck but no more than that. What interest would I have in an unfaithful cunt like that, no mate she’s your problem but thanks for the loan of her, she’s a good fuck but that’s all.”
I heard her moan in mental anguish and saying “No, no, no, it isn’t supposed to be like this”, as I turned briefly to look at her shaking my head, then turning back to Tim, “Well, I don’t want her either.” I said, as I slammed my fist into his nose and dropped him with that one punch.
The local gendarmes soon had me handcuffed and lead me away and as I looked back I saw Cindy helping Tim to his feet and looking for medical attention for what looked to be a spectacularly broken nose. Fuck him, that will not help the fucker in the looks department for his career, I was quietly fucking delighted.
So as the wronged husband, I’d struck out and flattened him but managed to get myself arrested, les flics, the gendarmes cannot have members of the public beating on famous actiors. My problem is I speak no French, but an interpreter was provided and the police interviewed me in his presence.
This happened at 9am after I’d spent a night in the cell. Through the interpreter, the police asked what had happened to make me assault a famous actor. I refused to answer and said I wanted to speak to a lawyer before answering any questions. They confirmed my right to legal representation and took me back to the cell awaiting contact with a lawyer.
About one hour later, I was told my wife was there to see me but I told them I didn’t want to talk to her under any circumstances. Imagine a nasal Frenchman’s “Hon hon haw” like in the Pink Panther movies and it was as if they had a lightbulb moment and understood what the problem was.
They told Cindy I would not speak to her and asked he to leave, then a few minutes later a policeman brought me a coffee and a croissant, touched his finger to the side of his nose and said, “Ah Mon Dieu, mon ami, les femmes, oh la la” giving his understanding and sympathy.
30 minutes later, two things happened more or less together. A French lawyer was brought in to see me and a few minutes later a representative of Cindy’s agency called wanting to speak to me. The lawyer, Monsieur Phillipe La Blanc, suggested we should hear what the agency had to say and he got the police to agree that we could meet them privately. I agreed to it. I needed some help to get out of here, I also wanted an update on Tim and what his intentions were.
The agency had sent the number two to talk to me, Peter Longstaff, which I instantly thought would be a great name for a dildo. Anyway, I had briefly met Peter at a couple of company events, and he’d seemed a good guy. I waited for him to get the ball rolling.
“What a fucking mess Jeff, I assume you had no idea that something was going on between them?” asked Peter.
I shook my head no, “Not a clue until I saw them coming off the beach yesterday, Peter, I never thought she would do anything like that. Thought we were rock solid, did your people know?”
“I’ll be honest jeff because you have my sympathy, some people thought they knew, but only very late in the game, not long before we all came over here to this clusterfuck. Off the record and only personally, I’m very very sorry, Jeff. I did see your punch mind you and I don’t mind admitted — off the record of course — I laughed when you put him on his backside, he could do with a few lessons in humility” he smiled at me. Yeah, Peter was a good guy
“Fuck, have you any idea what you want to do in an ideal world, Jeff?”
“Yeah, I’d like to kill them both and move on, but I reckon that’s not happening any time soon.”
“What are you going to do about Cindy, can you reconcile with her?”
“Absolutely no chance of that, Peter, I will divorce her and try to ruin both her and him if I can, I’ve no axe to grind with you Peter, but I’m pretty sure that a good lawyer back home will take this up on my behalf and if they suggest bankrupting the agency, then sorry but the agency can’t dodge some liability in this, you know that.”
Peter looked at me and said, “OK Jeff, that’s what I thought, so… we have all got irons in the fire here, you need to get out of here, we need to keep a lid on this, Tim doesn’t want any more people than already know to know he got his ass handed to him, he’s supposed to be an action hero for fuck sake.”
He continued, “He’s not pressing charges, so no prosecution, the politicians here don’t want their precious festival dragged through the mud so you are out and free, you could tell your lawyer friend he’s no longer needed, is that OK?”
Away went the lawyer with a cursory handshake and a promise from Peter that the agency would pay his fee if he emailed a bill to the address on Peter’s business card.
“So Jeff, now to the real business. You intend divorce, no chance of a second chance? I mean I wouldn’t blame you, but I will tell you that girl loves you, she simply lost her way with an infatuation with a famous actor. I can tell you she will be devastated.”
“I really hope she is destroyed by it Peter, right now I hate her guts. She gave that pompous little cunt everything she had to give, if what he bragged to me is true, he got things from her that I never did. Her ass for one thing, much more besides and I’d pestered her a bit about it over the years but no, then she gives her asshole to that asshole.”
“OK I get what you are saying, Jeff I’m going to lean on her to give you everything you want in a divorce, we’ll make sure she understands she will be disgraced and jobless if she doesn’t do what she’s told and Jeff, I am going to suggest that the board agree to pay you substantial damages in return for non-disclosure about the whole thing.”
“With your agreement Jeff, I’m getting you out of here and on the next flight home, is that OK?” I nodded my acceptance, he continued, “Please trust me Jeff, I will make sure you come out of this well… sorry, I know that’s a stupid thing to say, but as well as is possible. I give you my absolute word, we don’t know each other too well, but I think you know I’m a man of my word.”
“One last thing Jeff, Cindy asked me to beg you to please talk to her. She doesn’t know what I have planned but would you talk to her before you catch your flight this evening?”
“Peter you are the good guy in all of this, but please tell her these exact words, will you promise me that?” he nodded that he would, “Tell her she is a despicable cheating cunt and I never want to see her face again. Never.”
“Oh dear, I’m so sorry it’s come to this, but yes I’ll give her your exact words. She will react just as you hope, she will be broken, but Jeff, I know she has only herself to blame. Let me contact you when we get back next week and I will bring you the best offer I can get from the board and I will persuade Cindy she has no options in this. I’ll get you released and take you back to the hotel, I’ll call ahead and make sure she is not in your suite when we arrive and I’ll personally get you to the airport for the first flight home.”
And that was that little more than 15 hours was the time to blow up my marriage. I felt nothing but pure anger and hatred to both Cindy and that motherfucker Tim for doing this to me.
In another 15 hours I’d made it home, both my body and my home felt very empty without Cindy, I knew we would never be together again, I wouldn’t stay here to live with my memories, I was going to devastate her in the divorce so I knew she would never be able to afford the rent so on my to do list was to give the owner notice that we would be quitting his place.
I knew she would be in France for most of another week so I had all the time in the world to sort out banking things, savings, current account, credit and debit cards.
Being busy with that gave me less time to feel the agony of betrayal and to get my mind around what I wanted in the divorce, because nice guy as Peter Longstaff may be, I needed to make sure things were good for me.
Days rolled by and soon I had a call from Peter, wanting to come and talk to me and he was bringing an offer from the board and a lawyer to hopefully get it all written up and put in motion for a quick divorce that would be uncontested.
We met in my office and he brought the lawyer, a nice looking lady called Jeanie O’Battle, or in my mind Genie in the Bottle. From the firm Sue, Grabbit & Runne, I understood very quickly she had a sharp mind and any likeness to a cartoon character was utterly wrong. She was sharp as a tack.
“Mr Smithers, I want you to know that the Agency that I am representing in this agreement or negotiation, is deeply sorry for their part in destroying you marriage and I am authorised to make a very significant offer to you, but that is on the strict understanding that you will voluntarily sign a non-disclosure deal. Effectively tthey are paying you off.”
“I know that Peter promised you something along these lines so here is a draft agreement, I understand your father was a lawyer, please run it past him or anyone you wish to represent but unless there is 100% secrecy, we will withdraw all offers and ruin your wife, leaving her to fight you tooth and nail in a nasty divorce.”
“This is not intended as a threat, it’s passing information you need to weigh up in deciding your course of action. I believe Peter has put together a fine package. Please have a close look and feel free to take it anywhere for advice but as I said, subject to strict privacy. Peter and I can spend as much time as you need today. I believe you will be pleased with much of the offer.”
“I can also tell you that the present Mrs Smithers has been made aware of her limited options and is prepared to heed my recommendations with one stipulation. I’ll not beat about the bush, it’s that you will grant her access to speak to you for no more than one hour. I’ve advised her this is pointless, you don’t want anything to do with her, but that is her price, she hopes to talk you into a future with her.”
I loudly said “No, I don’t want to see her or talk to her, I’m finished with her. Peter did you tell her the exact words I told you to tell her?”
Peter said, “Yes Jeff, your exact words, I told her you said she is a despicable cheating cunt and I never want to see her face again. Never. Jeff she cried like a baby, she was heart-broken, just as you wanted, However, I have to tell you Jeff that I think someone hit her over the head with the stupid stick, because she just muttered quietly, “We’ll see about that”, I think she is dangerously delusional Jeff, I fear for her sanity, she muttered that over and over.”
Jeff looked back at Peter, he was seemingly devoid of feeling, he no longer gave a damn about Cindy, he was so angry that hate was his emotion, he had clearly not processed that hate is not the opposite of love, it’s just very damaged love, probably permanently damage but the fire is not yet extinguished.
Raw feeling was still in there. No matter how barren or disgusted. Jeff was about to say to persuade her to drop that or he’d walk out of this negotiation and unleash hell on all parties, but Jeanie spoke first.
“Jeff if you are so certain that you are taking steps to free yourself of your wife, if you are confident that is how you want to proceed, what will it cost you to give her a maximum of an hour. In my opinion you could destroy her hopes in 5 minutes but if she is resolute and it takes an hour, then so what, you never have to be in the same room as her again.”
Put like that it sounded like less of a big deal and that would be that. He decided to read the offer and come back to that with a final decision in meeting the slut.
Jeanie passed him the written offer, it was not properly written as a legal document, rather it was a list of bullet points, a framework around which legal wording would be hung, agreed and signed of:
Agreement Between The Agency and Mr Jeff Smithers
• In return for completion of a non-disclosure agreed version of this offer, The Agency will pay Mr Smithers Five Million Dollars to compensate for the distress caused by a client and an employee of the agency
• The Agency offers this payment as full and final settlement of any claim due to the actions of the above.
• The Agency’s client (to be known as Tim) wants it to be known that he regrets drunkenly assailing you with details of his seduction of your wife and states irrevocably that he will not make any claim against you in respect of the physical damage you caused him and admits he deserved at the very least what you gave him.
• In relation to Mr Smithers current wife Cindy Smithers, the Agency will continue to employ Cindy and will compensate her for the loss of her share of joint assets so she may sustain herself without any financial recourse to Jeff Smithers.
• Mrs Smithers has confirmed she will cooperate in a quick divorce on the basis of irreconcilable differences subject to being permitted one hour maximum of Jeff Smithers time to discuss what precipitated the divorce. The meeting shall take place no later than 2 weeks before the court date to hear the divorce.
“It’s not very complicated Jeff, we could all throw things at it to complicate it but all parties can see the sense of not making a drama out of it, The fact is that there are no winners her other than you financially albeit you have lost a wife.”
In a moment of clarity, Jeff understood that he could ask no more than what he was being offered, he did not need advice, he even concluded that yes he’d see the slut for up to one hour but he told them that she should be warned that he would not make it a comfortable experience for her and he doubted she’d last for 10 minutes and to tell her that she could call his office, that he would see her as soon as she wanted to get it out of the way.
Cindy called to see Jeff at his office but was refused entry but was allowed to make an appointment via the intercom. She was told Jeff would give her the agreed one meeting and no more, take it or leave it.
The next day she arrived 5 minutes early and was made to wait until the clock struck 3pm and she was uttered in. She tried to go to Jeff to hug him but he put his hand up and said, “Don’t touch me you filthy slut, say what you’ve come to say and get out.” He was shaking with rage, the stupid bitch had been warned.
With her face wet with tears she said, “Oh Jeff, what have I done, have you hardened your heart to me so much you cannot stand a small show of affection? We’ve loved each other for 9 years Jeff, I’m your wife, I love you. Please Jeff, I was a stupid girl infatuated with a movie star. I know what I did was wrong and selfish.”
“Cindy what do you think is going to happen here, I don’t love you anymore. Didn’t Peter tell you what I asked him to tell you?”
“He told me what you said, it was very hurtful but I know you were angry and I know you love me really, we are destined to grow old together Jeff.”
“Cindy, have you gone crazy? You betrayed me in the worst possible way, you fucked him for months, you even fucked him that day I told you I saw you coming from the beach and it took 45 minutes to cross the road to get to out room. I’m not stupid Cindy, I know you fucked him and then came to me as if nothing had happened, you are a whore Cindy and I’m divorcing you. You disgust me.”
“Please Jeff, I’m begging you, I was dumb, but I do love you with all my heart. Please give me another chance.”
“Here is your only chance Cindy, try to tell the truth and let’s see where it gets you. Your gallant action hero lover bragged to me about what you had done in his bed, things you never did with me, I want to know so I’ll ask and you answer yes or no. You slept with him soon after the start of the publicity tour?”
“Yes but I…”
“Just yes or no, slut… no commentary, you let him fuck your throat when you were barely happy to suck my cock?”
“Yes but..” receiving a stern look she nodded “yes”
“You let him fuck you somewhere I never have, right up your ass?”
“Yes”
“And you sucked his cock clean after he had fucked your ass?
“Yes” and quickly added, “Jeff I did but he’s famous and..”
Jeff roared,”He is famous and good looking so of course you suck your shit off his cock, of course, that makes perfect sense… if you are a brainless cunt. Is that who you became Cindy, a brainless cunt who would let an actor do anything to her because he’s famous? Things you would never do with your husband who loved you? Did you understand that Cindy? ‘Loved’ that is the past tense of love, The love is gone, finished and never coming back.”
“You disgust me you slut and do you know what? You heard me offer you to him to keep because I don’t want you and you heard him throw you away like you are nothing, you heard him say he could have a slut like you everywhere he goes. You understand, don’t you? You mean nothing to him; you are just a three holed slut that he could use and throw away.”
“Jeff this isn’t fair, you agreed to give me an hour to speak to you about our marriage, but you are just shouting at me and being…”
Something inside me broke, I had never felt such rage, such betrayal and for what, I wanted to hurt her badly whilst I could see she still had the unrealistic dream that we would stay together. Even as my hate grew I could feel the stinging hurt of the love I had for her and the conflict felt like it had the power to kill me.
“Get out, I fucking hate you, you nasty cunt.”
She bawled her pained tears and ran for the door.
Several months later, I saw her again, at the courthouse. The lawyer had contacted me and told me that she accused me of short-changing her on her allotted hour, but that she understood there was no prospect of us staying together, but wanted her chance to finish and talk to me after the divorce was granted.
After all, it would be a done deal, nothing much to discuss, let her have her other half hour if she wanted.
That is why I turned up for the final decree, that was all I owed her, everything else was settled. Life would go on but first… well, I didn’t feel I owed her a damn thing, but it would smooth the way forward.
Over the intervening months the rage had gone, replaced by a sad acceptance that what was once the most important thing in my life was now just more or less nothing. I’d drunk far too much on occasions, to supress my occasional regrets at dumping her.
Some very good friends had spoken to me about reconciling, we were so good together, they loved us as a couple, maybe having a child or two would bring us back to where we were before Tim fucked things up between us. Could I not give her another chance, she really loved me with all her heart?
So much bullshit, I never knew if they were doing her bidding or simply trying to be our friends, almost all seemed genuine, every single one was pissing me off, so I let a few very close friends spread the word that anyone mentioning Cindy would be firmly requested to get out of my life.
And that is exactly what some of our best friends did, you see they didn’t like the cold stone-hearted person I had become.
So, all these months later, I found myself being ushered into a side room in the courthouse where Cindy stood alone. She looked beautiful as always but those who knew her as well as me, could see she was as damaged as I clearly was.
She was dressed as if for a funeral and in a way that was appropriate, this was the funeral for our marriage, it’s last rites had been read, it was buried, all done and dusted.
Now for the polite after chat that was what people did in their mourning.
We had extinguished the hate, at least I had, she had extinguished the hope she had clung on to, there was nothing left to fight over or about. So…
“Hello Cindy, you look well, how have you been?”
“I’ve been better Jeff, but I’ve been seeing a councillor for a few months, people told me it would help, but really… I’ve lost my husband that I loved and still love. it has just let me see clearly what a stupid woman I was running after a famous actor, giving him what I never gave to the only person I’ve ever loved, my loving husband. It’s too little too late Jeff but I’m truly embarrassed by the hurt I caused you. I’d like nothing more than to take that pain away and replace it with the love that I have in my heart for you, that will always be with me.”
“Jeff, I’ve no right to expect anything from you, it was simple betrayal and for a man who thought I was just as worthless as you now find me, it hurts. It hurts very badly, but I made the mess and I must live with it. I wanted to see you one last time, I wanted to make a sort of peace with you, to tell you that I’m not going to live a sexless live, but that I will hold onto my love for you all my days and if you ever decide that has a value for you, I’ll gladly keep it safe for you.”
“If you ever want it again, well, you only have to ask for it back. And Jeff, I won’t be holding my breath, I know we are finished but that is the only way I can see me living my life now.”
I didn’t doubt the sincerity of what she said, it was all over, anything but the truth would have had no purpose. It would be so easy to go and hold her, to try to love her again, to give her the chance our friends seemed to think I should.
But no, that was not going to happen. I knew her employers still valued her, I knew she was good at her job, if anything, she was even more valuable to them now, being unencumbered by a husband, she would regularly be back in that same position that caused her to cheat. We had no future. For what we once had, with the anger gone, the crushing reality of dead but lingering love I was able to be generous, one last time.
“Cindy, it is because it is hard to stamp out the love you once held so strongly for someone, that I’m telling you this. For your own sanity, don’t hold onto that love, I will never return it and I don’t want it from you. Get on with your life and don’t keep looking backwards towards me. Be who you are, have a good life Cindy.”
She came to me, and this time I couldn’t rebuff her. We shared a gentle hug, the sort that cousins might give each other, she briefly whispered, “I’m truly sorry for what I did to us Jeff”, then turned and walked slowly out of the room and never looked back.
It was just as well she didn’t look back because she would have seen tears rolling down my face, uncontrollably, I knew that love of my live had finally given up and gone away. It’s what I thought I wanted because I could never trust her again but it felt that someone had turned out a light in my heart, it felt a dark, cold and lonely place.
Maybe it was time for me to seek the counselling that my remaining friends told me would help me to recover. I’d finally driven her away, driven a stake through the heart of our marriage and stomped on what remained.
Time to move on.
Writer’s note: There could be room for a follow on story of what happened to all “actors” in this story, I don’t know if it’s worth it, your comments will let me know.