Could Have Been
By
littleOneWon
As usual, I was up before Fannie. As usual, I started the coffee maker and brought up the local news on my iPad. I always start with the local stuff before bringing up the national news. As usual, I share my time between reading the news and making breakfast. It has become a tradition during the three years of our marriage for me to handle breakfast while Fannie handles all the rest. Today, the local news was way beyond upsetting. I never made it to the national news.
I prepared breakfast with tears in my eyes and fear in my heart. My emotions were all over the place. Reading that headline stopped me dead in my tracks. Memories came flooding back like water from a broken dam.
I remembered that I had just turned 18 and my brother, Jake, was home on leave from the army. It was good to have him home for a while. We had lots of catching up to do. We talked for hours.
My big brother is three years older than me. He has always been my hero. He’s everything that I’m not. He was a sports hero at school–I was a nerd. He dated every cheerleader and all the beautiful girls–I dated only a few nerdy girls. He had screwed more girls than I had dated. Lots more! While we were talking, something that I revealed to him made him decide to take me under his wing.
He said, “Jules, I can’t believe that you’re still a virgin. If the world at large hears about this, my reputation will be killed! I’ll never be able to live it down. My brother’s a virgin? Believe me, Jules, I’m gonna get you laid before my leave is over.”
I grinned as I said, “Lots of luck, bro. It’s not like I haven’t tried! We have the same last name but it doesn’t fool the girls.”
I want to say right now that I’m not proud of what happened. It was the very definition of bad, but it changed my life in a good way. I’ll admit that I thought of sexual intercourse as the ultimate act of love while Jake considered it to be an act of conquest. He had garnered many submissions from lots of girls and he had the notches on his headboard to prove it. Yes, we saw the sex act very differently, but I was horny enough to follow his lead at this point in time.
Anyway, the very next day I found myself in the passenger seat of Jake’s Thunderbird as we headed to the big town. We stopped for lunch at a hole in the wall and then drove into a sort of lower-class neighborhood.
We stopped in front of an old three-story house. Jake said, “I can’t guarantee anything, Jules, but if we can hook up with Madge, you just might get the very best for your very first. She’s the best fuck that I’ve ever had. I kick myself for not eloping with her. Mom and Dad would never accept her because they consider her family to be plebeians. Maybe they are and maybe she is, but she’s also the sexiest person you’ll ever meet.
“Anyway, she has a weakness and I was able to spot it. I used it more times than I can count. I found out that if I could just kiss her while rubbing her left thigh, she would become putty in my hands.
There were times when she was not in the mood and rebuffed me at every turn. She was adamant about it until I did that magic trick on her thigh. It was like having the unlock code to her pussy. It never failed.”
He went on to say that she was married now to an ape-like loser named Billy Joe Harmon. “He’s a big guy and he probably has a cucumber-sized dick. He drives an over-the-road truck and luckily, he’ll be gone on a multi-state trip for the next three days. That gives us a window of opportunity with Madge!”
He went on to say that Madge worked with two other women in a housecleaning business. She cleaned on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Since this was Tuesday, she wouldn’t be cleaning, so why not be fucking? Madge had told him about their schedules when he finally broke over and dialed her number. Luckily, she had kept her old number when she got married.
He had been hesitant to call her. He had made it a rule to never mess around with a married woman. That ended when Madge said that she would like to see him while he was home on leave. So, with fingers crossed, they climbed the stairs and knocked on the door that displayed the number that she had whispered to him on the phone.
When she answered the door, she hugged Jake and they kissed like lovers. I was confused in more ways than one. First, I didn’t expect that show of affection from a married woman. Second, she was not the beauty that I had expected. Jake always got the cream of the crop, but Madge was a comparative weed. My only thought was that since she was so high on my brother’s list, she must really have what Jake referred to as a “magic pussy.”
Jake introduced me to Madge and she gave me a light kiss on the cheek. I must admit, her lips caused an electric discharge in my cheek.
We sat down in her kitchen and she poured coffee all around. Before long, it was like I wasn’t even there. Madge and Jake were in a world of their own. They reminisced about everything. Some of it was downright embarrassing to me.
Before long, they had left the table in favor of the couch. There was lots of kissing going on. I remained at the table. What was I supposed to do? I noticed that Madge had removed her rings. They were on the table. I felt uncomfortable in more ways than one. I was a fifth wheel.
Furthermore, I began to regret the idea of endangering someone’s marriage. I wished I could just disappear.
I came up with a strategy. I would go into the living room and sit in the recliner. If and when they went to the bedroom, I would open the door and escape. Suddenly, it dawned on me that I didn’t see a bedroom in the apartment. The kitchen was adjacent to the living room and the only other room was the bathroom. Did they sleep on the couch?
Speaking of the couch, it was the center of a lot of activity. I saw discarded clothing all around it. They had forgotten all about me. I noticed that Jake was rubbing feverishly on her left thigh while they kissed.
Just minutes later, Madge walked over to what I thought was a big cabinet on the wall near the kitchen. She was wearing only her panties. Her tits were like two rock-solid cones. Her nipples were huge! It was the most erotic display I’d ever witnessed.
I was mesmerized as she reached up and pulled a bed down out of that cabinet! The bedroom mystery was solved. I was later to learn that the thing is called a Murphy bed. I don’t know who Murphy is, but he knows some shit.
The next half hour was hard to take, and I do mean hard! They did the whole shebang right there in front of me. It was as if I didn’t exist. After some indescribable and almost melodious gasps from Madge died out, I heard my name being uttered by her very sensual mouth.
She asked, “Are you kidding me, Jake? Jules is a virgin? That’s one thing I’ve never experienced! I don’t think I should be his first. I shouldn’t be anyone’s first. He needs to be with someone less tarnished than me.
Jake whispered something to her that I couldn’t hear. She asked, “Are you sure?” Once again, I couldn’t make out Jake’s answer. I watched as Madge got up and headed toward the bathroom. As she passed the recliner, she reached down and felt the bulge in my jeans. She said, “Well, you’re ready alright! I’ll be ready in a jiffy, Jules.” I heard sounds coming from the bathroom. It sounded like there was a waterfall in there!
Jake came over and told me to get undressed and jump into the bed. He said that it was my turn to fuck and his turn to watch. He wanted to witness my first intercourse.
I did what he asked. A few minutes later, I was no longer alone in bed. Madge whispered to me saying, “Honey, you might be getting seconds on your first time, but they won’t be sloppy. I cleaned myself up for you. I want this to be special.”
She put her hand behind my head and pulled me in for a kiss designed to stop the world from spinning. Her lips were warm, almost hot, and oh so soft and inviting. Jake disappeared, and the room disappeared. Everything was gone except for me and this tantalizing woman. Madge was all that existed for me!
I had no previous experience, but I’d read lots about this act. How it should be an expression of love. It was the ultimate culmination of love and should be treated as such. I decided that my response to Madge should not be animalistic. It should be a genuine expression of love.
As she guided me step by step, I put pure love into every embrace of her breasts and every kiss that I planted on her lips–and elsewhere. She was breathing hard and I was too. I kept whispering words of love into her ear. I told her that her body was pure perfection. That her breasts were beyond description. They were the very artwork of God.
I had no idea what I should do or say. I just kept complimenting her and I meant every word. She did the rest. Each step that she took became a step toward ecstasy for me
When our shared ecstasy arrived and then finally subsided, I was completely spent and so was she. It was her turn to whisper to me. She said, “I’ve been fucked by more men than I can count, but I’ve never before been loved like this. I always wondered why they called it ‘making love.’ Today, I found out. This was not just a first for you, it was a first for me too! You’re a fast learner, Jules. It’s like we’ve been doing this forever. Your touch is gentle and your words are comforting. I’m supposed to be your teacher, but you’ve taken me to heights that I’ve never experienced before. I might represent your first taste of nirvana, but you are my first real lover. You didn’t fuck me, Jules, you made love to me. I will never forget this day,”
I was rendered speechless. I kissed her with gentle passion one last time. Then I found my voice and said, “I need to thank you for this. You were my teacher, but in my arms, you became much more than that. I will certainly be able to make use of what you taught me today. No matter what, I will never forget you. You showed me a heart and spirit that belies what most people would say happened here today. They might use words like ‘cheating’ and ‘adultery.’ Technically, they are right; but it was more than that. It might have been wrong, but it was also right. I will always remember it as right.”
On the way home, Jake asked me what I thought about Madge. I told him that I thought she was fantastic, but that didn’t mean much since I had no one to compare her to. I asked him why he considered her to be the best.
He said it was because she had complete control of her pussy. “She must have some muscles, nerves, or something else that other women were not blessed with.”
He asked me if I noticed how she was able to use her pussy to pull my dick into her. Also, how it gripped my dick; sometimes pulling and sometimes pushing. Also, how her orgasm occurred right when she felt the semen shooting into her pussy. He thought it acted like a trigger for her. In short, he was sure that it was the way she could manipulate her pussy that made her the best.
He continued, “When you’ve fucked more women and can make a comparison, you’ll agree that she has a ‘magic pussy,’ Jules.”
Then he added, “I brought you to Madge so you could experience the best. I’ve had sex with her dozens of times and I’ve discussed her with other guys, but I’ve never seen or heard anything like what I witnessed today. You brought out something completely unique in her.
“I’ve always considered her to be a fantastic but detached sex machine. She fucks better than any other female, but it’s always on a purely physical level. Today, I saw her making love with her soul and spirit. It was with you, an inexperienced virgin, in a messy Murphy bed. Who would have thunk it?
A few days later, Jake returned to Fort Riley to resume his duties with the Big Red One. He once told me that their motto was, “If you’re gonna be one, may as well be a big red one!” I don’t know if he was telling me the truth, but he sure did me a huge favor when he persuaded Madge to be my teacher.
When he left, he gave me her number and I called her the next day. We had a long and pleasant conversation. I desperately wanted to be with her again. She told me over and over, in no uncertain terms, that if her husband ever caught her with me there would be hell to pay. I kept telling her we could be careful. I ended up suggesting that she should call me when Billy Joe would be gone on another of his long trips. A few days later, she called. After that, she called quite regularly.
Sometimes we met in her apartment. Sometimes we met in a rent-by-the-hour motel. Other times, she called me when she finished cleaning a new but unoccupied house. We would meet in that nice, clean house. Some would say that we made it dirty. We didn’t see it that way. As time passed, we were together dozens of times. All of them were nothing short of a trip to paradise.
I became her lover, but she remained my teacher. She explained her anatomy to me so I would know where everything was located and why that mattered. She taught me intercourse positions that I’d never seen before; not even on porn sites! She concentrated on what she called the “basic eight.” I became an expert on them, but I became somewhat familiar with twice that many. Some of them were just minor variations on the eight, but they all had names of their own. Madge knew them all.
As she kept introducing me to new methods and new positions, she stressed that only one thing was of the utmost importance. She said, “Jules, no matter what, don’t you ever lose your loving attitude. It’s not the positions you use or the moves you employ that make you different. It’s your loving attitude. It radiates from your soul straight into mine. Every partner that you ever have will respond to you because of that one thing. The rest is just icing on the cake.”
As we continued our trysts, we were very careful. Even so, we still had two close calls. Once was when Billy Joe came home early. His truck had broken down just outside of town. The trucking company took it to a garage for repairs and they brought him home.
Luckily, Madge heard the truck dropping him off. She jumped up and began scurrying around to make herself and the apartment look normal while I beat a path down the hall to the back of the house.
I opened the window and jumped onto the fire escape. Then I reached out and closed the window before starting my quick decline. When I reached the ground, I made a beeline to the sidewalk. I always parked my old car on the street at least a block from her house. I had to walk past the house, but I just acted like another passing pedestrian. When I reached my car and drove away, I prayed that Madge wouldn’t get caught. Is it right to pray for an adulteress? Probably not, but I prayed all the way home.
The other close call came when I was scheduled to arrive at her apartment at noon. We had long since agreed that she would put a red sock in the window if the coast was clear. The absence of the sock would mean that I should be absent too.
This time, I had parked on the block behind the house and came down the alley. Coming around the house from the backyard did not give me a view of the window. For the first time, I failed to check the window.
I was at her door with my hand raised to knock when I heard laughter. It was the deep laughter of a man. I turned around and crept down the stairs. I left without making any noise. I couldn’t call her, of course. All I could do was await her call with my fingers crossed. She called the next day and said she was glad that I noticed the absence of the red sock. It saved the day for her.
I didn’t mention that I hadn’t even looked at her window. I didn’t tell her how close we had come to getting caught. She never said that it was Billy Joe in the apartment with her. I never asked who was laughing. After all, we weren’t exclusive. How could we be? She was free to have another guy if she wanted to. Still, I hoped that it was Billy Joe laughing.
It was when I left for college that my relationship with Madge ended. Our last time together was the worst one we ever had. We were both sad and couldn’t get our hearts and bodies into it. We spent most of the time just talking.
I begged her to leave Billy Joe and come with me. I was certain that she could stay with me in the apartment that my folks had rented near the campus. She seemed to be taken aback by my request. She said, “Jules, I’m going to tell you some things that I’ve never told any of my lovers. I’m doing it because you are smart and because you gave me something special.
“While we were talking a few minutes ago, you told me what your brother said about my ‘magic pussy.’ He was right in much of what he said. When he said that I was better than other women because I could manipulate my pussy, he was somewhat right.
“Here’s the thing, something terrible happened to me. I was diagnosed with vaginal cancer. They said it came from being infected with HPV. Because of my young age, the only treatment they considered was surgery. After removing the cancer, they performed a reconstruction of my vaginal canal. It was complicated and I didn’t understand the whole process. What it comes down to is that they took muscles and skin from other parts of my body, mostly from my left thigh, to replace what they had removed from my vaginal canal. They called it the UK method since it came from London.
“They warned me that I might not be able to enjoy sexual intercourse after the reconstruction. It was very bad for the first few months. All I could do was masturbate, but even that was painful if my fingers got too aggressive.
“I got better with each passing week. Miracle of miracles, when I finally healed completely, I ended up enjoying sex more than ever!
“You may find this hard to believe, but when I’m having sex, I feel it in my vagina but also in my left thigh. When I told my doctor about that, he said that happened sometimes. It was somewhat rare, but it happened. He explained that my brain still handled signals from those muscles, nerves, and skin as if they were coming from my thigh. So, like the chewing gum commercial, I get ‘double the pleasure, and double the fun.’ It affects my performance during intercourse big time.
“As to the pleasure my partner gets, it’s not from magic, it’s because of that thigh tissue plus some scar tissue. When that thigh tissue is stimulated, it tends to contract. My partner feels that as a squeeze. After a contraction, there is an expansion. All that contracting and expanding is felt by my partner as pushing and pulling. One more thing, when that thigh tissue feels semen squirting on it, both my thigh and my vagina begin to tingle. That always leads to an immediate and spectacular orgasm for me. As you can see, there is no magic. It’s one good thing that came from the most horrible thing I’ve ever endured.
“I see your tears, Jules, and I appreciate your concern for me. I sense that you are puzzled and wary too. Do some research and you will see that I’ve told you nothing but the truth.
“I guess everybody thinks that I’m a slut. I guess that I am because I get more pleasure from intercourse than usual. That’s due to plain luck. I try to get all the sex that I can because the chances of the cancer returning are very high. I feel like I need to get it while I can.
“There you have it, Jules. I’m not magic. I’m a normal woman with a reconstructed vaginal canal who’s waiting in fear for her cancer to return.
“Please don’t tell anyone else about these things, Jules. I want you to know that in a normal world, I would accept your offer to go with you in a heartbeat. As you can appreciate, my world is not normal.
“Here’s the thing, Jules, everything will change for you when you’re in college. If you still want to see me when you graduate, give me a call. Don’t do it before then. Enjoy your college experience and don’t spend any time thinking about me.”
I was overwhelmed by what she said. I saw the truth about her. I understood the whole “magic” reputation that she had acquired. I saw her in a different light. She sensed that her time was limited and she wanted to make the most of it. Who could blame her for that? Not me!
When I got home, I began searching for information about vaginal reconstruction surgery. I found some from the UK. It confirmed her statement about the mixed-up signals being sent to her brain. It seemed like a magical fairy tale when she said it, but it was all true.
Madge may not have been magic, but she was definitely clairvoyant about things changing for me in college. Everything changed on my very first day. It started when I met Fannie Butler.
I was seated in the lecture hall and she sat down beside me. After the lecture, as we stood up to leave, she turned to me and said, “Did you understand all of that gobbledegook? I didn’t understand any of it. Was it just me?” I answered, “I didn’t understand anything after the professor introduced himself.”
We made a snap decision to study together. We were able to figure out what the professor said by doing some research on our own. Studying together seemed to take more and more of our time as the year progressed. Even so, I sometimes found myself thinking about Madge.
After we both passed the class, Fannie and I kept “studying” together until we graduated. After our graduation day, we scheduled a wedding day. She was much prettier than Madge, but she wasn’t Madge. Madge was in a league of her own. I knew for certain that I would never play in her league again. I was a very happy guy that was very much in love with Fannie Butler.
In all honesty, Madge was a lot of things. She was clever, funny, and sexy. Even so, I had to admit that to most people she would have been nothing but a slut. I knew better because she confided in me. I knew the rest of the story.
Fannie, on the other hand, was a whole new ballgame. She was super smart, but she was a down-to-earth gal. She was a flawless beauty, but she didn’t flaunt it. She had quite a few boyfriends, but never more than one at a time. She was not a tease. She didn’t make it her goal to leave her boyfriend with blue balls. She was not an easy lay, far from it. She evaluated her boyfriends on every date. She was slow to enter a relationship and quick to leave it. Once she determined that there was no future with a guy, she didn’t waste her time or his.
The day after Fannie and I had intercourse for the second time, I remember her saying, “Jules, do you realize you are in a private club now?”
While I was wondering what she meant by that, she told me. She said, “Until yesterday, you were in a club with three other guys. Yesterday, you were promoted to a new rank. You are now in a private club of just one man.”
I figured it out. Fannie had allowed three other guys to have intercourse with her. They disappointed her. She dropped all three of them without allowing them a second chance. I was the only exception. I had been allowed an encore. I wondered how much of it was due to what I had learned from Madge Harmon.
Speaking of Madge, I often thought about the risks that I had taken with her. Unlike Fannie, Madge had no private club. Her club was open to all. She fucked both me and my brother despite being married to Billy Joe. How many other guys had screwed her while we were having our trysts? How had I avoided an STD? Had I been stupid? Had I been reckless? Maybe so, but I had been in love. I know that she hadn’t been in love with me. I was just one of many in her large club. I know why she did it, and I don’t blame her.
I also remember noticing three guns that BJ had stashed away in their apartment. He was an award-winning marksman. I saw the trophies that proved it. He was six inches taller than me and much huskier. His arm muscles were bigger than the muscles in my legs! I lucked out in more ways than one. I learned a lot and never got caught. Is it alright to thank God for that?
Needless to say, while Fannie was not inexperienced, she was the very opposite of Madge. When I finally proposed to her, she told me that she considered marriage to be a lifetime commitment. There would never be another man for her as long as I remained on this earth. She wanted the same commitment from me, and she got it.
Putting my old memories aside, when Fannie came downstairs, she gave me her usual kiss before getting her coffee. She noticed my tears. She said, “What’s wrong, honey?”
I told her I was having some allergy problems. My nose was running and my eyes were watering. She commiserated with me and offered to make an appointment for me with Dr. Andrews. I told her I wanted to try some over-the-counter stuff first. She bought my story!
I watched as the love of my life began reading the news. I knew that she would soon read what I had read. The story that caused my tears. She would probably mention it to me. It was my duty to protect her from a truth that would all but kill her. I hate deceiving her in any way, but I must be sure that she never knows the whole story. As of now, only two people know the truth: me and my brother. I must keep it that way.
I watched as she began reading the article in question. I watched her closely as her face showed surprise, followed by shock, followed by grief.
I watched as she exclaimed, “Jules! Did you see this item about the double murder and suicide that occurred right here in River City?”
I didn’t respond. I couldn’t respond.
She failed to notice my lack of response as she said, “Some truck driver named Billy Joe Harmon caught his wife, Madge, with her lover; a guy named Larry Ray. Billy Joe shot both his wife and her lover. Then he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide! My God, Jules! That happened right here in our town!”
Those names meant nothing to her. I’ve never told her about my time with Madge. I never will.
I remembered that when our “studying” turned into dating, Fannie was not nearly as taken with me as I was with her. It stayed that way until she finally let me run the bases with her. After that, her interest in our relationship matched mine. We have Madge to thank for that, but Fannie doesn’t know that and she never will.
Fannie is everything to me. I would rather die than hurt her in any way. She’s the woman that travels the path of life hand in hand with me. The woman that loves me more today than she did yesterday. The woman that is carrying our son in her womb. The woman that will be a perfect mom. The woman that I love more than life itself.
I stopped remembering and answered her by saying, “Wow. What a tragedy.”
She said, “The tragedy was when Madge took a lover. If I ever do such a dastardly thing, I hereby give you my permission to shoot me dead. Do it right after you shoot my lover!”
I laughed, but I was visualizing Madge in a pool of her own blood. I visualized her lover with his head blown off. He was just doing what I had done way before he came along.
I trembled when I recalled that Madge and I nearly got caught twice! I was lucky beyond belief that I never found myself staring at the barrel of Billy Joe’s gun. I thank God that I survived to meet and marry this wonderful woman sitting across from me. I’ve only kept one thing from her. I’ll never hide anything else.
I managed to get a few things accomplished at work, but I found myself grieving about Madge too. She was dead and so was her husband. Even more frightening for me, her lover was dead too. What haunted me the most was a message that kept appearing in my vision. It was written in big bold letters. It told the absolute truth in five frightening words: IT COULD HAVE BEEN ME.
The End