“Jesus, your bet.”
Jesus raised. Because of course he did. He was consistent, always raising. Until he folded. Pious Jesus. He rarely won. His tell was the worst at the table – stroking that beard of his.
Zeus tried to bluff already. I held my eyes steady. Another inept liar. He bullied his way to a table invite. Zeus called.
I looked one more time. Flicking up and down. Uncertain. Nah, it’s not time to bluff yet.
“Cupid?” the dealer, Kali, prompted.
I flipped my cards down. “Fold.”
“Arrows not shooting so straight today, Cups?” Zeus rumbled. Third hand in a row that I’d folded.
My wings twitched in irritation, but I turned my cherub face towards him and smiled slyly. “I have good aim. Your bolts just blow shit up.”
When Zeus rumbles, things get a little animated.
“Cut it out, Zeus,” Jesus warned him. “We’ve had enough of your temper tantrums.”
“This little Roman twerp annoys me!”
Our bickering was cut short by a blinding light. Every head at the table shied away from Ra, who was clearly annoyed with us. “Stop,” he warned softly, turning the headlights off again.
“Well, thanks, now I’m blind. As if I couldn’t see the cards before,” I said, blinking and rubbing my eyes.
“Minor god,” Ra teased, but without animosity. Then, “I call,” he said, adding to the pot.
I sat back, now that I was out, wondering how I got hooked up to this card table. Bird man and his blinders, bolt boy, raise the dead and Kali, who was just weird as all get out. She was an efficient dealer though – all those hands. She never played either; something about her all-knowing powers.
It was an efficient way to pass the time. Kali and Jesus have a few more responsibilities so our card game tends to be sparse. Of course, Ra’s been forgotten for centuries, and so has Zeus except for the occasional Disney flick and of course his Wikipedia entry. He likes to read that, by the way.
Zeus folded with disgust.
“Isn’t your annual day coming up?” he asked, all personable now that he wasn’t trying to take my money.
I switched the cigar. “Yep, about a month,” I told him.
“Why mid-way through the wintriest month of the year?” he wondered. Now, to be honest here, Zeus never wonders anything different. I’d only heard this question over the millennia perhaps a million times. I wondered again how this meathead was named the top god of the Greeks.
“I zap ’em in the ass and they burrow under the covers and fuck,” I said.
Jesus looked up, and winced. He hates foul language.
“Okay, Jesus, they make love.”
He smiled and nodded.
“And your point?” Zeus demanded.
“You see their weather? Better to snuggle inside with a lover than go out in that mess!”
Ra laughed. Egypt had none of those problems, and he was a weather snob.
“Where’s Jupiter been?” Zeus wanted to know.
“Walk-about with Odin,” I reported.
“Where to?”
I spread my hands and wings. “Got me, Zeus. You know those two. Probably wandering some mall in Tyson’s Corner disguised as a gay teenage couple so they can hold hands!”
I saw the sly smile on Zeus’s face in the scant second before we both looked at Jesus. He looked up at us looking at him. “What?!” he demanded.
“Oh I thought you were going to get all pious about homosexuals,” Zeus chuckled.
Jesus’s eyes looked at him. “I don’t get upset about you,” he shot back quickly.
Zeus laughed easily. “I take pleasure when and where I get it.”
Jesus shook his head. His lips quivered. Me and Zeus both leaned forward; I think birdboy did too. Getting Jesus’s goat was our second favorite pastime after cards. “It’s….wrong!” Jesus said.
“THERE IT IS!” Zeus laughed, and I sat back. Ra turned on the blinkers. Kali’s hands rose up.
“Says the man whose girlfriend was in the world’s oldest profession! Didn’t you preach turning the other cheek?” I pressed.
“Speaking of cheeks, that’s the deepest red we’ve gotten out of him in quite some time,” Kali commented softly.
Sure enough, Jesus’s cheeks were flaming red. Jesus mumbled something under his breath.
“You better not be calling for your daddy,” Ra warned. “Remember the last time you tried that?”
Zeus and Kali chortled. “I certainly do!” Zeus said as he wiped a tear.
Jesus got himself under control a little bit and shook his head. “You are mean friends,” he decreed.
Jesus has a way of saying things that makes us all instantly feel guilty.
“Aww, Jesus, we’re just messing with you,” Zeus said lamely.
The awkward moment passed. The game was momentarily forgotten. Truth be told not a single game has ever been finished. We started shooting the breeze.
Jesus looked at me; always the peace-maker, he looked like he was going to change the direction of the table’s conversation. “Any challenges this year?”
I shoved my cards to the center of the table. “Not yet. I’m watching, though.”
“I wish I had my powers,” Ra said wistfully. He tended to sulk and brood a lot.
My wings twitched. “You know how it is, guys,” I said. “I have to strike when the moment’s right.”
“Tell me again how that works?” Kali asked. Her powers were huge and broad. Actually, everyone around me had far greater strengths. I was the niche god, able to slip an arrow through the toughest of armor and pierce a heart. I think that’s how I got into this table; I was punching way above my weight in terms of powers.
I turned and flicked my hand; appearing in the distance behind and over Jesus was a clear-quality picture of a man. He was walking through a grocery store, with a box of condoms in his hand. He was young, good-looking, and moving with purpose. “See this guy?”
“Yeah, what about him?” Kali asked.
“Well, he’s planning on getting laid tonight. Actually, he will be getting laid tonight. She’s a sweet, adorable woman – actually perfect for him. But, and here’s the thing. It takes just the right moment.” I picked up my little bow and with precision drew it and released. Only us at the table saw the strike of my arrow.
“How come you always hit people in their ass?” Zeus asked.
We watched as the man came to a stop. He looked around, and then his eyes fell on it. He was near the flower section, and went over and browsed through the flowers.
“What’s this?” Ra demanded.
“This is what I see,” I said.
“Tell us!”
“He’s going to pick a bouquet of flowers – NOT THAT ONE!” The subject’s hand moved quickly. “Whew. She’s allergic; he doesn’t know that yet. Anyway, this bouquet of flowers is going to do a number of things. She’s going to forget about that other guy that she keeps in contact with. Her heart is going to melt, and later tonight when they make love, she’s going to look up at him and realize that he is the one for her. Her worldview will change in that moment. Now, that might have still happened, but by choosing just the right bouquet, I start a chain reaction that will lead to a lifetime of love. And three kids,” I said just for good measure…and to forestall Jesus’s whining about pre-marital sex.
“How can you be so sure? Half of marriages end in divorce!” Ra objected.
Jesus winced again.
I shrugged. “I am sure. My bolts are so rarely used anymore, I might as well use them for the special love.”
“So explain Kim and Kanye then!” Ra demanded. Kali looked over, interested. She had been part of that debacle.
I turned to look at Ra. “That was your fault,” I reminded him. “You thought it would be funny. I objected, remember?”
Ra blinked; the lights turned up. Talk about wearing one’s emotions.
Even Zeus had to agree. “That was a bad idea, yes,” he said.
Jesus flickered; any time we talk about people who either have forgotten him completely and treat him in disdain he flickers like that. I don’t know if he knows.
“So yeah, none of that celebrity playmaker stuff.”
Kali rumbled, “I still think that you should make Putin and Trump…”
The reaction around the table was noteworthy. There might have been vomit.
“So what IS a good match then?” Jesus wanted to know. “But not an ordinary one.”
“An extraordinary match?” I asked.
He nodded.
“And you want to watch?”
Every head at the table – including pious Jesus – nodded.
I sighed. The ultimate in porn. Zeus would wank openly..
I closed my eyes and let the thoughts of humans fill my brain. It did not take long.
The screen filled. A young woman sat on a couch. At that moment, she was decidedly unattractive; her hair was two days unwashed, and her face was pale and drawn without makeup. Her eyes were a little red from crying, and the clothing she wore – gray shapeless sweatpants and sweatshirts – made her look and seem dumpy. She was not an unattractive woman in general but at that moment, she was far from attractive.
A knock at the door. Her head picked up and looked over, her face masking into a question. She stood and walked towards the door. “Who is it?”
“It’s, uh, Mike. From our English class?”
She opened the door, only a small way, enough to poke her face through and look. “How…how did you find me?”
He sighed. “I did not. Professor James asked if anyone lives in this building, and I do. She asked me to give this to you,” Mike said.
***
“And now,” I interceded, “the arrow.”
“These two?” Ra demanded, incredulous. He has no faith in me.
“Shut up and watch, birdboy.”
***
“Are you okay, you look a little rough?” Mike asked, his voice concerned.
“I’m not okay,” she said.
“I mean, I know we don’t know each other that well,” Mike said softly, “but I’ll listen if you want to talk.”
“Why?” she demanded.
He shrugged. “You look like you could use a friend. And you’re in an efficiency,” he added.
She looked back at the mess of her single room apartment. Back at Mike, her lip between her teeth. There was a quick, noisy exhale. “It’s not the nicest tale,” she warned.
“I’m free, lay it on me,” he said.
We saw her thoughts, jumbled and angry. She wanted – needed, really – to talk and none of her girlfriends had called her back. He was there, he was offering, and he was…not hard to look at. Something about him gave her hope; she needed hope.