The aftermath of a ‘February sucks’ style betrayal.
Yes this is another take on the betrayal in George Anderson’s famous ‘February Sucks’ as retold by many other authors. I wrote to him for consent to use his characters but have heard nothing. I understand that broad consent has been granted through the site but I have changed the name of the main characters and omitted names of all places in order to avoid errors or contradictions with the original story. This endeavour begins where the mc finds himself standing outside a Nightclub after his wife has run off with a celebrity. The more I thought about the principle of a wife leaving her husband without a word, the more it seemed to me that it wasn’t just a wife having an affair. My contribution has no violence or sex, only reference to the latter. It is not a BTB or RAAC. There are around 8,500 words. By its very nature, this story will inevitably have elements that overlap with other good works, please accept them as an appreciation of the original.
Tags: infidelity, abandonment, celebrity, drugged, errant wife, deserted, forsaken, discarded.
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Ben
It was one of those horrible nights in February and I was standing outside the Nightclub feeling sorry for myself and trying to make sense of what my life had become in the last hour. To add to my misery it started to rain heavily and I made a dash to my car, I was already drenched by the time I got the door open. I sat there feeling even more miserable wondering what to do next, ‘come on man get a hold of yourself’ I tried to tell myself but I couldn’t make sense of what had happened.
On our special night, my wife had been swept off her feet by some celebrity sportsman. I didn’t follow sports that closely so I had no idea who he was. As far as I was concerned she had met some guy and ran off with him. When I tried to do anything his friends stopped me and then the nightclub refused to help. Should I call the police? No that wasn’t right, they would just say she left of her own volition. Hell, I thought, he and his mates could be plying her with drink and drugs by now, calling over other teammates to do who knows what to her. Jeeze! That didn’t bear thinking about. Then another thought struck me, suppose she divorced me and tried to take my kids. I realised then that she had abandoned her marriage and ran away without any regard for her family. I steeled myself, ‘come on man how would you act if she had died, what’s the difference between abandoning and dying?’ As far as those left behind are concerned they are just gone, often without warning. I started the car and headed to the Hotel.
I tried hard to cancel my reservation for the night but the staff would not relent, it aggravated me that I should have to pay for nothing all because some jerk stole my wife. I went up to my room and contemplated using it anyway but then I thought of the kids, I felt lonely and abused and I needed to be with someone who loved me. I decided to pack the bags. I did so without much regard for her things, they only added to my woes as I thought back to the anticipation before that night that was now dead and gone. In the end I just threw all her fancy stuff in her case then made my way down to reception. I signed out and left her bag with them until she picked it up. As I walked out of the door I felt like I had just drawn a line under the life I had led so far and I took a deep breath before stepping down to my car.
I rang the babysitter and told her I was picking up the children early as the weekend had turned out to be a disaster. I could tell she wanted to ask what had gone wrong but I didn’t give her a chance. It was unfair on the children I knew, because they were fast asleep but I told myself that this was a one off exception. It was selfish but sometimes it’s the only way to get through one day and into another. At home I put them in my bed with a space in the middle for me to cuddle them.
At about 3 o’clock in the morning I decided that I had to do something, it had been going around and around in my head for hours, humiliation, anger and distress in various combinations. In the end I realised that there was no point hiding from the humiliation, I might as well tell everyone what had happened, at least then people would understand my future actions.
I was also becoming paranoid having realised as I tossed and turned that I must secure our money against anyone who might get into our accounts while she was drugged up to her eyeballs. That became a major consideration as in my imagination I foresaw any number of awful things she might do or be coerced to do. After all she had been easily convinced to leave me on our special night without a bye or leave. I thought that I had known my wife as well as anyone could know another person but I had been shamefully proved wrong. By the time this had gone around in my head a few times I was starting to panic. We aren’t wealthy, we managed to meet our mortgage and other payments each month and put a little aside for holidays but if I were to lose what money we had I would surely be up shit street without a paddle.
So by three o’clock I was downstairs in our tiny office, online and phone, trying to make our accounts inaccessible. I reported our cards missing. Opened two new accounts, one in joint names and one in mine. I totalled up all our monthly outgoings and put enough money in the joint account to cover it. I put the remainder in a savings account in my name only. It took me several hours so that I was still at it when the kids came in asking where Mummy was and when they could have breakfast.
I felt that I had done well so far, the only things that I hadn’t changed yet were automatic payments to things that only my wife benefited from. Apart from her car payments and insurance there wasn’t much else that mattered. The credit card bill would be paid off when it arrived and then I would leave her to make her own arrangements thereafter. It struck me then that when her friends finally dumped her she would have no income whatsoever, she was a stay at home Mum and I had been proud that I could provide a stable homelife for our children; until now. It just added to the sense of loss, and I had to make a supreme effort to be normal around the little ones. I broke one of our rules that morning and took them to breakfast at a famous fast food joint. They were great, I explained that Mummy had had to rush off to see a relative who was seriously ill. I hated that lie, it was so hard to come back from, but I couldn’t come up with anything else that might justify a long period missing. They shook it off as kids do sometimes and dug into their ‘forbidden food.’
An idea had been going around in my mind, I needed to let people know. At first I thought that it would be embarrassing but in my most angry moments I asked myself, ‘why should I be the only one to be humiliated,’ why not the so-called celebrity and my ex-wife. So I decided to write an open letter that set out the facts and implications. Back at the house I bolted the front door and attached the security chain. I wasn’t going to be able to change locks on a Sunday but I could use the garden door at the rear to come and go. Neither of us usually carried the rear door key so this seemed like a good temporary solution. Once back in my study with the door open and one ear listening out for the children who were watching a film on TV, I began my letter.
Dear Relatives, Friends and anyone who knew Sarah.
I have to tell the story of how she disappeared on Saturday night when we were supposed to be celebrating a special weekend away with friends. Until that night I thought that we had a loving and faithful marriage. I have done everything I can to make her happy, perhaps that was a mistake. Is it that women get tired of a steady home life and are looking for a new thrill? I found out tonight.
I went on then to describe how she had been spirited away by the celebrity with the help of his friends. I named the friends who helped the abduction and those of my so-called friends who prevented me from stopping it because it was a famous person. I also told how the Nightclub had prevented me from doing anything about it and forcibly evicted me when I made a fuss. I speculated what might happen to her, how celebrities thought themselves above the law and how drugs such as date rape might lower her inhibitions, I also wondered what might happen when they tired of her and threw her out.
What I wrote was probably a little over the top but I didn’t accuse, just put the ideas out there and then ran with all the awful things that could happen because some rich people thought they were untouchable and didn’t have a moral code. Then I let my words and mind wander over the possible impact on myself and the children. It wasn’t hard to tear at the heart strings on this because it was regurgitating worries that I really had.
This led me very nicely on to the things that I would have to do to protect my family. When I finished I began by sending to our relatives and friends. We had never been secretive from each other so it didn’t take long to get into her social media contacts and send to all. My mind started to widen the circle and having posted the letter on my own Facebook I began to search out anything to do with the celebrity, a copy went to every email I could find connected with him and his club. Next I searched out the TV, Radio, Newspapers, the Scandal Mags and the Sports Publications. I knew that most would ignore my story if they even read it but it would only take one to take notice, I even emailed podcasters for what that was worth. Having exhausted every option I could think of, I decided to call my Dad. I realised that there was nothing left for me in this town, but where to go?
Dad had already read my letter and must have taken the phone somewhere Mum couldn’t hear. He went straight to the point of asking what I needed, he was brilliant in that way of being supportive no matter what. I said, “Long term I want to go somewhere else, but I don’t want to make it difficult for you and Mum to see the kids. If you were to retire early, where would you like to live?” For a minute he thought I was suggesting he should retire straight away, I knew he wanted to, he always said he wanted to quit in his fifties while he was still relatively young and fit. Once he twigged what I was getting at I heard a smile come back to his voice and he asked, “So what’s the short term plan?”
I plan to get away from the fallout for a while. I am going to be a joke in this town and the kids will feel it badly at school. So, I am going to try and wangle enough holidays in the sun to give me a chance to assess the job situation and the cost of living. Hence I want to start my search in a place where you would want to retire. At least we will get away from the February weather for a while.
“I think I need to bring your Mum in on this.” Dad said matter of factually. “I’ll call back in a while.” That was good enough for me and we disconnected.
It soon became apparent from phone, email and message services that my letter had been read by more people than I expected, perhaps because it was a Sunday. Sarah’s parents were the first number I recognised and I thought I better get it over with, I had no idea how they would react. I was in for a surprise, they were shocked and couldn’t believe what Sarah had done but what seemed to be their underlying worry was the grandchildren, and I was grateful for that. I changed my original intention and was honest about my plans, then surprised them about choosing somewhere they might like.
My heart warmed at the number of well-wishers and sympathisers who responded to my letter and I even had two publications calling to verify who I was. I guess they were checking whether it was a spoof or not. Soon I was conscious of giving the children my time and decided that since Sarah hadn’t made any contact, then it was time to leave. I told the kids that we were going on holiday, gave them a bunch of trash bags and told them to fill them with all their clothes and toys. Meanwhile I was doing the same for my stuff and Sarah’s. My Dad rang back and he offered to come around the next day with a couple of his workers who could empty the place except for furnishings and anything necessary to rent the place out.
By early evening we were ready to go and the kids were hungry. So we packed everything we could get into the car and Sarah’s stuff in the garage ready for whoever came to collect. I rang Dad again on the way to yet another unsuitable (for kids diets) restaurant, to say we would drop around on the way. We were headed for the sunshine. Mum of course was close at hand and would have none of it, we were to go straight to their house for dinner and stay over before heading out in the morning. She is a force of nature, is Mum, and so we dutifully changed directions, the kids were disappointed of course but a few bribe promises soon had them on side and to them the whole thing was an adventure.
Mum and Dad were fired up, I guess it was a bit of excitement for them too, even though the whole affair was unhappy and potentially worse was yet to come. Far from being difficult I found Mum was full of plans, she had already convinced Dad to retire next year, a year earlier than he’d planned. He winked at me and mumbled something about keeping busy with something or other. I had a feeling he would soon find some cronies to play golf with.
I was worried though because for some unfathomable reason I feared Sarah would turn up at our house then head to my parents’ house. Why did I fear? Because something told me she would find a way to stop me taking the kids. I know she was their mother but I felt strongly that she had foregone her rights by abandoning them. However as everyone knows, the law is an ass and something worried me that she could find a way to get the law behind her despite what she had done.
I became more worried later that evening when I was called to watch a news item. My letter had stirred up public interest and reporters were camped outside the scumbags mansion with cameras tracking every twitch of a curtain. The TV reporter was saying that a car with a man and woman had tried to leave the house but had turned around upon seeing the army of press waiting for anyone to exit. Police were present to ensure that there was no violence after the scumbag complained that he was virtually shut into his own home. The pictures cut to interviews with the coach and then the club owners asking whether they condoned the behaviour of their players and whether drug tests would be carried out.
Mum and Dad looked solemn as every moment seemed to drive a further wedge into my marital partnership. A call soon after from Sarah’s parents elucidated that they had been trying to call Sarah but calls were going straight to her answering service, the tone of their conversation with my Mum seemed to imply that they had lost hope and were now mostly worried about Sarah’s state of health.
We decided to move my car into their garage and Dad moved his car out. It would at least prevent casual visitors from making assumptions. After the kids went to bed, we talked long into the evening about plans and contingencies. My parents were so supportive that I couldn’t thank them enough. They wanted to come with us but Dad had commitments that he had to keep. I myself had a job that I wouldn’t be going to but that could wait until the morning when hopefully we would be on our way. After a further TV news update brought nothing but gossip on comings and goings plus further comments from just about anyone they could find connected with the club and the views of pundits, we decided that I should leave before first light when the paparazzi were sure to track me down.
Before daylight the next morning Dad woke me looking as bright as always, “Mums got the coffee on and something cooking, you get your stuff together and the car loaded and then we can wake the little ones.”
“Your amazing Dad, did you even sleep?”
“There will be plenty of time for sleeping when this is all over,” he replied.
I slid out of bed reluctantly even though I knew it had to be but was welcomed by the heavenly smells of coffee and fresh baking. True to our plans we were on our way just after 5am heading for the sunshine, the sounds of promises to keep in touch sending us on our way. As we left the town behind us and joined the interstate I felt another wave of sadness at leaving my past behind me, only the children kept me together through their constant banter interspersed with bickering. Three hours into our journey I decided it was enough and we looked for somewhere to stop, grab something for brunch and stretch our legs. Since 8 am or maybe it was earlier, there had been a constant flow of sounds from my phone suggesting messages coming in. I had plugged my phone into the car charger at the first opportunity and then ignored it.
Sitting in the cafe my conscience got the better of me and I checked who was messaging me. My face must have gone white because my kids asked, “what’s up Dad?” But there was a message from Sarah and only one. This didn’t seem logical to me, whether she was angry, sad or whatever, she was bound to let off a string of vitriol claiming something or other. What it said was, “Honey, I know I have treated you badly but I am being held against my will, please help me.” For a moment I was stunned and couldn’t answer my kids. Was this real or was it a trick to avoid my ire? After what I had been going through I was going with the latter and anyway what the hell could I do nearly two hundred miles away, I certainly wasn’t going to turn back for any number of reasons. Guilt hit me as I realised that I was going to have to involve my parents again, it didn’t seem right.
I decided to immediately forward a copy to my Dad, meanwhile I was being brought out of my musings by two worried children who were getting louder and louder. “I’m sorry,” I said, “Something serious has come up at work and I haven’t told them yet I am going away. You two finish your brunch while I make a couple of calls.” I went to the front window as if I was looking for better reception and called my Dad. Bless him he was all over it, I suggested that it ought to be her parents that called the police. I also told him we were almost 200 miles away, just to give them reason not to ask why I wasn’t dealing with it. “Leave it to me,” he said in a no nonsense voice and then he was gone. I sighed, pleased to have one issue out of the way and not looking forward to the next.
The response to my call to the office astounded me even after the shocks I had already received. My boss sounded envious that I had become famous overnight and I could almost read his mind trying to work up an angle to get the firm’s name mentioned. “I’m going to go away for a while,” I said. “Why don’t you mosey on past the scumbags place, tell the press you have sent me away to recover and have come along to act as a go between, might get the company into the limelight.” I suggested with a smirk on my face he would never know.
“Good idea, good idea, I was thinking along the same lines myself. Listen, you get where you’re going and I will touch base with you as and when, ok?” He said, as if it was all his idea. I almost laughed down the phone.
“Right, I’ll leave it in your hands.” I said, the relief washing over me.
I returned to my seat and found the kids missing but easily found, they were as close to the TV as they could get and trying to listen above the cacophony of sounds from voices in the room. I rushed over, they were showing news items. “But Daddy,” I was regaled. “I am sure they mentioned Mummy’s name.”
“Can’t be,” I said, “she should be miles away with her aunt by now. I ‘ll tell you what, we’ll ask grandad when we speak to him, maybe Mummy was a witness to something.” I said, thinking on my feet. It settled their minds for the moment but the quizzical look didn’t leave my eldest.
“We are good to go,” I said as we returned to our seats. “Now, are you both full up?” Two nodding heads responded to me so I suggested we take a quick walk and then visit the shop for snacks and drinks to eat along the way. All relevance to the TV news seemed to be forgotten when we climbed back into the car armed with enough treats and sodas to make a dietitian weep. I figured that of all the bad things that could happen to my children right now, diet was the last thing to worry about. I had read some more of my messages and although some extremists amongst her friends thought I was exaggerating or that I should be ready to forgive and forget, on the whole the response was supportive. I decided that later on I would forward the critical messages to their respective partners to see what they thought of the attitude. One hundred miles later I changed my mind, they just weren’t worth the effort, I’d moved on and they could ruin their own relationships without my help.
The kids dozed off a couple of times but I didn’t want the journey to be a hell for them so I had chosen a few fun stopovers along the way, ordinarily it might have taken 3 days of non-stop driving but I asked myself, what was the hurry? We had put a lot of miles behind us and I was beginning to feel relaxed for the first time since the middle of Saturday. During the next call from home my Mum said, “Is there any reason why I shouldn’t screen your calls and messages while you are on the road?” I couldn’t think of one and about an hour later a guy phones to get my authority to forward calls and messages. I was only too pleased to give it. “Are you the husband connected with the situation on the TV news?” He asked tentatively. I was reluctant to say yes but then reasoned that Mum had used the situation to force the call company to get their butt’s moving. It normally took forever just to get through to a human let alone get something done.
In the end it took us the best part of 5 days to make the trip, they were getting fractious quicker and quicker and I couldn’t blame them, I felt much the same so we took a few diversions to explore and play. During one such stop by a river, we hired a boat and rowed for a while. It was a peaceful day when all we could hear were birds along the bankside. Out of nowhere came the comment from my youngest “I wish Mum was here, I miss her,” and she began to cry. My heart was broken too as I swept first one, then both, into my arms. “She’s not really gone to see an Aunt has she Dad?” my eldest stated indisputably.
What do you say when your child calls you out like that? I wasn’t about to pile lie upon lie and so I had to come up with some version of the truth. “Mummy got involved with some bad famous men, she said she would be coming back to us but Mummy and Daddy aren’t really going to be friends again.” It was the best I could come up with and they clung to me like limpets frightened of the future. Of course there would be many more questions, many of which I didn’t have an answer to. But for now my conscience felt a lot clearer. Whether they would ever see Sarah again I didn’t know, her behaviour had not been that of the woman I had known so who knew what she might do.
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Several hundred miles away, Sunday Afternoon – Sarah
I was in a complete fug from a combination of intense sexual pleasure from last night and this morning, with the effects of enhancement drugs. The previous night had been one new experience after another and I had loved it all. I had long since lost any sense of control of my mind and body, I was too caught up in pleasure. By the afternoon we had stopped our play and were lounging around and the mind fug was slowly clearing, I was feeling sore in more than one place but wasn’t ready to understand why. “Hey! Look at this, guys,” said someone looking at a TV screen showing news broadcasts, “That looks just like this place.” One or two of us wandered over but nobody had a clear enough mind to register that it was where we were.
A couple of hours later I could see the guys getting frisky again and my seducer was slowly stroking my body. I was looking forward to one more night of debauchery before I had to face reality again. People came and went, one couple tried to leave but found that the place was surrounded by paparazzi so came back. It was brushed aside as typical for them. They were famous, why wouldn’t the press be always looking for stories, so we ignored them and slowly slid back into our non-reality.
We were up at 7am the following morning, the guys had to report to the club and others were heading out to take up their lives. They were surprisingly active but their drugs had worn off through the night and they were used to long sessions of partying then getting back to a high octane training schedule.
I was standing at the front window, watching the paparazzi arriving and setting up in the road. This mansion was positioned well back but you could see the movement through the gate and above the hedge as the press set up platforms so as to place long range cameras on tripods to home in on us. Then another guy spoke up, “Hey you two I think you’re all over the internet. There’s a letter about someone called Sarah that mentions the Night Club and it’s gone viral.” I lazily wandered over still languid from the stimulation I had received, the guy moved the laptop over to us so that we could read it together.
As I read the letter my perspective of the world around me was being rearranged but I couldn’t take it all in. All that registered outside of my random thoughts on the oncoming disaster was my guy saying, “I thought you said he would forgive you for anything, that he was a super nice guy who wouldn’t hurt a fly.” Then as we began to see and read more and more of the coverage, seeing comments by the club’s owners and all kinds of opinions he said, “Are you stupid or what? They are crucifying me and my friends.”
“How is that my fault?” I managed to put a few sensible words together. They ignored me.
Slowly I started to panic inside, the bubble I had been living in since Saturday night was popping but my head was in another reality. From what I read in that letter, I just about realised that I might need to stay longer until I could think clearly and work out what to do. “I think I need to stay with you.” I said.
“You can think all you like,” he replied, “but you’re getting out of here when we leave, there’s plenty more willing women where you came from.”
‘Think damn you, think,’ I said to myself, surely there was a way around this but my mind was still foggy and in a state of self-satisfied euphoria. Picking on one item from the letter, I thought that maybe there was a chance that people didn’t really know the truth of what went on here. I had an idea and turned on my phone to send my husband a message. I was met by a barrage of incoming messages including just about every relative and friend I had. I checked through once, then again but there was nothing from my husband. Had I really underestimated him that much, then I wondered if I had really thought about it properly at all. It was my friend who convinced me that all would be well, it went against my thinking, but gradually I was seduced with the idea and a certainty that it was a one off experience that I was entitled to, after years of giving up my life to be a good wife and mother. I would be the envy of women everywhere, my lovely giving husband would understand that, wouldn’t he? Well my seducer hadn’t turned out to be the gentleman he made out to be, he was ditching me, so it would serve him right if I told my husband I was being held against my will, he was sure to be my saviour and come galloping to my rescue as always.
I sent off my message to my husband and decided to check my messages while I waited for a reply. I prepared myself for a lot of envy but also some ‘Good for you girl’ types of messages. What I found was an unbelievable number of people calling me every name under the sun for the way I treated my husband. The words slut and whore proliferated in most messages, even from my mother who really laid into me. Amongst the messages I had been forwarded a copy of David’s letter that I had earlier skimmed through in a blur of self-justification. His remarks about abandoning him and my children began to sink in but I still believed it was all exaggeration. He just wouldn’t see anything so dark, he thought the sun shone out of my backside, for heaven’s sake. I smiled to myself and my euphoria wrapped me up in a sense of certainty that all was well in my world.
At about 8.15 I was climbing into a car when there was a squeal of tyres at the front of the mansion. Several armed police officers spread out from their cars and drew weapons. An officer came across to me and asked my name, then said “Are you ok? You don’t look as if you’re being held against your will.”
” I was just about to take her home,” said my erstwhile blabbermouth lover.” The officer looked extremely annoyed and ordered the other men to search the mansion and detain everyone there. “Now look what you’ve done,” accused my former lover. We hung around for what felt like a lifetime before there was a shout from inside, “Sir, you will probably want to see this.” Shortly after, officers began to come out carrying bags containing what they found. I assumed that they were drugs after the weekend I’d had. Soon after, the officers began reading everyone their rights and handcuffing, before pressing us into cars. For some reason I felt the whole thing was surreal, my friend had assured me that everything would be great.
Sometime later I was booked for possession and wasting police time then I was visited by a doctor. After he had checked me out, I heard him report to an officer that in his opinion I was suffering from an overdose of some form of addictive, inhibiting drug like Rohypnol. He took blood samples and recommended that I be taken to hospital immediately and seen by a psychologist before further questioning.
I lost track of time but I found myself in a hospital room with an intravenous drip attached to my arm. I lay there slowly coming back to life as the staff bustled around, but I was definitely not their favourite patient. I could now cut through the fog and recognise the meaning of the messages and the letter. The words haunted me, going around and around in my conscientiousness. I was the town’s most famous slut and husband abuser, I closed my eyes and tried to will myself into oblivion, I couldn’t face reality.
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Even further away Wednesday.
My Dad rang me from the hospital. “Seems like once they had her she was drugged and used, then was going to be dumped when the police turned up. The police doctor tested her, sent off for tests and recommended that she be hospitalised and seen by a psychologist. The tests showed she had been overdosed, possibly without her consent in the first instance, since then she has been tested for STD’s. The Psychologist is due later this afternoon before the police question her. I’ve talked to her parents and they agree that she needs extended therapy but we’ll wait on the Psychologist’s report. The others have been detained on various drug charges and the police want your agreement to press for charges against them for using drugs on your wife.
I readily agreed as long as my involvement didn’t require my presence too soon.
Dad continued. “The Club owners are jumping mad over the effect this is having on the club image, as you may know drugs are a serious business in sport right now.”
I didn’t know but said I was glad to hear it. That news made my day.
“That’s about it for now,” he continued. “I haven’t done anything at your house since the news started rolling in. When she gets out, she is going to need somewhere to stay and her Mother is surprisingly refusing to have her. I think Son it wouldn’t look good if we refused her access to her own home but I’ve told her you plan to rent it out. At the moment she isn’t responding to anything, just lays there with a blank expression like she is not hearing but I am pretty sure she is, occasionally something said kicks her off. I mentioned the children and she burst into tears.
“Let me think on it Dad, I’ll go with your recommendations but if she moves in, it could mess up plans to settle elsewhere.”
“I understand, your Mum and I have ideas but they are longer term. I am pushing ahead with retirement plans and as soon as you have done your research we’ll get together one way or another. I’ll talk to you again when there is news.”
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Two weeks later
“How is it going Son?”
“Good, I think. I am satisfied that I can get a job here. House prices vary a bit between coast and inland but I think I could rent something until she makes up her mind what she’s doing.”
“Great to hear, so you’ll be coming back soon to tidy up your affairs?”
“Yes, I spoke to my boss, he seems pleased to release me with a good reference. I think he’s tired of customers calling asking for me, not good for his oversized ego I reckon.”
We laughed at that.
“Anyway, I’ve put a deposit on a condo that will be available to rent next month. It’s for an initial 6 months with an option to renew which should give us time to get everything in place if we are going to buy; hopefully.”
“Sounds good, Your Mum and I plan to return with you and start a house hunt and we can take it from there. You will leave your car there of course?”
“For sure, I couldn’t face another trip like that with 2 active children.”
“Well the latest on Sarah is that she has started seeing a counsellor and she will see a judge for wasting police time, but I reckon she will get off on probation despite her bad reputation. She is in the house now and we see her as often as we can, she always asks how you and the children are but doesn’t press for anything more. Your Mum and I tell her as much as we can but it isn’t much. She looks and acts like a broken human being Son, I know you don’t want to hear it but it’s best to be forewarned.”
“You’re right, it’s like a kick in the guts but I appreciate you keeping me in the loop. I am steeling myself for my return. Do you know what room she is sleeping in?”
He heard his Dad calling to his Mum. “Mum thinks she is sleeping in the spare room, at least she didn’t find anything in the main bedroom when she was looking for something or other for you.”
I breathed a sigh of relief, which would make it easier for me to move in for a short time if necessary but I hoped not, I was hoping Mum would insist we stay with her, the kids feelings would be paramount. I said, “It looks like we are good to go, I will book flights for the weekend, could you arrange for me to be collected? What does Mum say about where we should stay?”
“She thinks you and the kids should come to us to start off and then you go to see Sarah leaving them with us. Any thoughts yet on how you plan to handle things?”
“Yes, It depends on how she is. I don’t want to keep her from the children any longer than necessary but it all depends on her mental state. I’d prefer she was signed off by someone before I risk it, the last thing I want is her running off again because there isn’t a relationship between her and I. I have to know that the kids come first for her.”
“Dad tutted with understanding of a problem, having seen Sarah he had no great hopes for her sanity she seemed to have withdrawn into herself. “Would you like me to try and set up a meeting with her psychologist if possible before you see Sarah?”
“Could you? That would be ideal, as soon as possible after I arrive. Now I have prepared myself for seeing her. I want to get it done as soon as possible.
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The Psychologist told me that Sarah was in deep depression, her guilt had overcome her and she couldn’t get away from it without fully accepting what she had done. She had no regrets about her experience until she was forced to recognise what she had done to her family and that led her into endless self-punishment for her selfishness. Mentally, she is hiding from what she has done because to face it is too painful to live with.
The Doctor asked what my intentions were and I told how I wanted the children in her life but I had no interest in anything more than what it would take. I also advised that I intended to move away as soon as possible and was worried that Sarah would abandon them at any similar opportunity, especially as there would be no future familiarity. “There will be no sex in my future home unless I become romantically involved. Sarah would be free to meet people but only outside our home.” The Doc looked concerned by that before saying, “I suppose that’s better than nothing but I feel that it could be fraught with difficulties.”
“Well Doc, I will be guided by you, I won’t let her upset the kids just because she can’t keep her legs closed for some Fancy-Nancy Predator. I know she had a fantastic time with that guy and his friends compared to being with me and if it weren’t for the kids I wouldn’t ever have anything to do with her. Now I have to make a new life with or without a new partner but the children come first until they’re older.”
“I appreciate what you say and the efforts you are making. I followed your situation and admire the way you threw yourself into protecting your family, against all odds. Don’t knock yourself so badly, I doubt whether you would resort to drugs as they did.”
I went from the Doctors office, to tidy up outstanding matters at the police station. I left there knowing far more than I really wanted to and headed directly to my former home. I felt angry at some of the things I was told and it was not the mood I would have wished for on arrival. Knocking on the door it took so long for her to answer that I almost walked away. Then a voice shouted, “what do you want? I’m busy.”
“To talk to you,” I replied without inflection.
There were scuffling sounds and I thought footfall up and down the stairs. The door opened “I wasn’t expecting you, I am a mess,” she said, then, “why didn’t you use your key?”
Not able to think of anything to say that couldn’t be interpreted as negative I let the question pass and said, “how are you?”
She said, “ohh you know.”
I looked around, she had always prided herself in her housekeeping but this was barely tidy.
“Coffee?” She asked.
“Please.” I responded positively.
We sat facing each other across the breakfast bar, the silence became uncomfortable. “Do you have questions to ask?” She started.
“No, I’ve seen your Psychologist and know you have your problems. I don’t want to keep you from the children any longer than necessary but I’m needing some assurances that you aren’t going to abandon them again.”
“But I didn’t, it was just the weekend.”
I looked at her sceptically. “You can’t tell me that in your drug induced state you wouldn’t have carried on partying as long as your body could bear and even then I have my doubts. I don’t want to go into all the things you did, many of which had never occurred between us and that’s just the one on one. From what I understand the drugs removed all inhibitions and morals so that you were little more than a sex toy, an unpaid prostitute, except prostitutes probably have more self-respect. The problem is not even that, you chose to get into it willingly and without any thought for your family. After so many years of slavery in the home you wanted, taking care of the children you wanted, you probably thought you were entitled, or maybe that’s what your slut of a friend convinced you to believe. I hear her relationship is headed for the rocks already, so she must be an expert.”
She was crying now, turned away from me, unable to meet my eyes. I hadn’t intended to punish her verbally; it had just been building up for so long and the police information rubbed the scab off my wound. I regretted that I couldn’t comfort her as I had done in the past, I just couldn’t. With effort, I calmed myself and tried to offer some hope. “Look, I want you to get better, to hear from someone that I can trust you with the care of the children above all else. Please don’t say you didn’t because you went voluntarily with a stranger and ended up in the hospital where they had to pump drugs into you to counteract a drug overdose. That is not putting thoughts of your children first.”
“But you were there, my devoted and reliable husband who would always love me no matter what.”
“And who put that idea in your head? Did I ever tell you that you could do anything you liked? Did I ever give you reason to think you could commit adultery?”
She just looked surprised, as if this was all new to her.
“WELL?” He raised his voice. “In case your mind is no longer able to think of anything other than what your friend told you, the answer is NO!” He finished his rant almost shouting and banged the table to emphasise. Then his voice became quiet, almost a whisper, a different yet more threatening sound, “You had a marriage contract with me and you broke it, tore it into tiny pieces irrevocably, nothing will ever be the same again.”
She had never heard him so angry with her and though it was half expected it still came as a shock, then the tone had become frightening.
I decided to let it lie while I recovered my equanimity, gathered my thoughts and took a mouthful of coffee.
“So what are your hopes for the future?” I asked quietly.
The question surprised her and she had to think for a moment. “I want my family back, to be with you and my children, it doesn’t matter where. I have nothing here anymore.”
It was what I expected, she wanted to sweep the issue under the carpet. I wished I could, I wished it could be that easy.
“Well maybe you can tell me why that should be, after all, you didn’t bother to ask before you went off and gave up on our relationship.”
I had created another impasse I knew and it got us nowhere, she was still in a state of self-deception. I tried to calm myself again. “Look, I don’t want to keep you apart from the kids, whatever you have done they don’t understand and they need you. Take what time you need to get better, I’m not going to hide but I am not staying here to be further humiliated.”
She couldn’t help herself, “but you weren’t..” he stopped her before she set him off again.
“You are so brain dead and self-deluded you have lost touch with reality. You humiliated and embarrassed me in the worst ways possible. I would say you were evil. Do you think I feel safe leaving my kids with someone like that? Until you can recognise and accept just how evil you were to your family I won’t let you anywhere near me or my family.”
I sighed, knowing that I was getting nowhere, then finally said, “What happened to you Sarah, how did you transform from a loving caring person to a self-centred slut?”
Silence prevailed, an uncomfortable silence a million times different from the silences they had enjoyed over coffee through the years. I wanted to leave but something stopped me and we stayed that way for a long time, both afraid to say goodbye each for a different reason. She came around the bar top and stood beside me. “Thank you for coming to see me,” she said in a girlish voice and she reached out and shook my hand. “Can I come to see you when I’m better? I am going to be better, you know.”
“Yes, your Psychologist will tell you when you’re ready.” It was all I could think of to say.
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Months later.
Mum and Dad had bought a house with an addition that altogether was large enough to house all of us yet maintain family independence, so I gave up our rental and moved us across. Dad and I had found a boat that needed a lot of care and attention and our spare time was taken up with fixing it up, whilst Mum was having a second life caring for the children. I thought it took years off her and added a glow to her face but more likely Dad was spending more time ‘caring for her’ now that he was semi-retired. He was moving into retirement by steps, having promised his colleagues a period of part time availability to give his replacement a chance to settle in. As Managing Director he had big boots to fill.
I was sanding the bow to prepare for painting, on a quiet Sunday afternoon when a voice said, “Need any help Sailor?” I looked around slightly startled, we didn’t get visitors apart from Mum or the little ones. An apparition stood before me, she wore white capri pants and a loose yellow t-shirt. She looked as fresh as a daisy and as good as I could remember for a very long time. I picked up another piece of sandpaper and said, “You can have that side,” indicating to my right.
“Have you seen the children yet?” I asked after a suitable period to gather my thoughts.
“No, not yet, I want your permission first.”
I stopped and looked across, she stopped too and was holding a sheet of paper towards me. It was a letter to me, from the Psychologist, telling me about her progress. Maybe it was enough, maybe it wasn’t, but my heart broke almost nightly when they asked when Mummy was coming to see them. I nodded in the direction of the house and she grinned infectiously then kissed me on the cheek before running to the house like an excited schoolgirl. It would never be the same again but a good life for my children was enough for me, at least for the foreseeable future.
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The end.
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