A short punchy one, and a bit of silliness. Again, nothing new here for LW fans. No editors were harmed during the production of this work. And it probably shows.
I awoke in our bed and I reached across for my husband, he wasn’t there. I looked at the clock, it was a quarter past three. The house was silent, he wasn’t in the bathroom, I crept out of bed and went to the bedroom door. I could see the light on downstairs.
I crept along the landing making trying hard not make the floorboard creak, I think I managed it. I could just see him in the lounge, he was looking at a mobile phone. His was on his bedside table so it must be mine.
No, no he couldn’t find out about my affair. I had deleted all of my messages from my lover and the call log immediately after I got them. I love my husband; I love him so much. So why did I do it?
There was nothing on my phone from him, I’ve memorised his number and deleted everything after I sent it. There was nothing on there.
I do know why, to have the attentions of an attractive younger man and the excitement. Come on! what a shabby excuse, my husband gave me excitement. Shit how do I put this right. How do I get back to normal, what was normal.
I’d have to stop the affair straight away. I’d already told him I wanted to stop, but he didn’t. We had only done it three times. Shit, three times, once was too much. He will never forgive me.
One message to him ending it all finally, I was not even going to risk a meeting. Not even a final fling just to finish it off. I will have to find something to threaten him with. Tell his wife or HR? We work at the same place. I had to stop this and never let it happen again. But how do I get back to normal with my husband?
I’d denied him nothing, in fact, I did more, I let him have my bum, I asked him to tie me up, his favourite. And for some reason I came harder than I have ever done before, I think I fainted. Did he notice, was that the change, did he think it was guilty sex I was giving him, I don’t think so, but may be he notice? Did I change my clothes, my makeup? I don’t know; thinking back, I don’t think so, but I can’t be certain.
Did I give away little signals, did my husband notice? He does notice lots of things. If he did, why didn’t he confront me. Shit, what do I do? Do I confess or do I keep this to myself forever? I have to stop this, but how do I make it up to him? If I do extra things, will he notice, will he recognise my guilt? I have to be normal. But I don’t know what normal is now.
Bloody hell, I wished to hell I’d never started the affair; it seemed so simple back then. Just the odd meeting. the chase, the excitement, it wasn’t worth it. My mind was full of confusion. I crept back to bed. I lay there awake, trying not to cry.
My husband came back and got into bed. What would I normally have done when he came back to bed. I slid my hand across the bed and touched his back, he shrugged me off. Shit, he knows something; he’s never done that before. I try not to cry; I have ruined my life and my husband’s.
He rolled onto his back and his foot came across the bed and touched mine. He often did that when he wanted contact and to let me know he was there for me. I felt guilty now. But at least he touched me. I went to the toilet. I had to blow my nose and stop crying.
I got up at my usual time and made him a cup of tea like I normally do, don’t do anything different, don’t do him a fried breakfast as a treat. He will think I’m trying to get round him. We only did toast normally, so that is what I did. Normal.
I hadn’t had time to check my phone before he came downstairs, I was trying not to cry. He didn’t say much; he looked sad. I could swear there were tears in his eyes. How much did he know? What had I done to this man, I had destroyed him and if the children found out, or our parents; it would hurt them as well. Shit if we got divorced, I couldn’t hide what I’d done. Those short mediocre bouts weren’t worth it, I have to make this up to him but how, and if I did anything other than normal, it would look suspicious. We just sat there. He didn’t even look at me, I felt so ashamed. I still didn’t know what to do.
Then a glimmer of hope, my phone bonged with a WhatsApp message, I picked it up it was from Jane, my sister. She told me it was on the news that one of my work colleagues had got mugged last night and was in the hospital. I didn’t think it was important. I had other things to worry about. I carried on looking through my phone and then I said to my husband. “I’ve got a text message from a strange number, must be a wrong number.”
The message said, ‘Come on, Thursday evening was fantastic.’ oh shit, I’d told my husband I was working late that night, but at least I got home early. If he’d seen that I was in the shit.
My husband looked at me and told me he was sorry he shrugged me off last night, his back was giving him real gyp and he couldn’t sleep. He didn’t want to disturb me, so he got up, and went for a walk to get some movement back in it. Just ignore that message and delete it he said.
I did, and with that, I deleted my lover. Now to spend the rest of my life trying to be normal whatever normal was.
I have about 25 stories in the pipeline, a few need a final tweak, a few need the attention of an editor. Six are 9/10 finished, five are half finished the rest are just outlines.
Now on with part two.