The Hotel Ch. 01 by Cagivagurl,Cagivagurl

As always, I have to add my thanks to Randi for her amazing editing and assistance. I must also add thanks to George for his assistance. It’s always great to have good people in your corner.

*****

“Oh my god, Reece, it’s amazing. Oh bloody hell, I can’t believe how incredible it really is, seeing it in the flesh rather than on the internet. It really is awesome.” I couldn’t remember ever seeing her so exhilarated, almost giddy with excitement.

“Yeah, it’s pretty stunning that’s for sure, Sierra.” Trying to calm her eagerness, I added, “Hell of a lot of work to do on it, though.”

“We could do it in stages, you know, spread it out over a few years,” she suggested.

“A few? Jesus, Sierra, more like twenty years.”

“It wouldn’t matter,” she said in her happy squeaky voice. “Who cares if it takes fifty years. I love it,” she said with a little giggly sigh.

“Yeah, I’m hearing you, babe. I like it as well, but it’s going to go way over our limit. You know it will.”

“Don’t say that.” She sighed. “Lets at least try to be positive; we might get lucky. Let’s go and talk to the agent.”

We were attending an open home, or in this case an open hotel. The building in question was an old derelict roadhouse that hadn’t seen any use for anything other than storing hay and old machinery for many years.

We wanted it, oh hell yeah. We wanted it, but the sale price was going to be way over our meagre budget. We had been waiting for over a month for the open day. Although, with that said, looking at the sparse crowd, there wasn’t a lot of competition.

While we waited to speak to the agent, we met another young couple who like us, seemed very interested. I knew it wasn’t the done thing, but we fell into conversation with them, since they were waiting, as well. The agent waved at us as she talked incessantly on the phone.

“Great place, aye bro?” the guy said to me.

“Yeah, it’s pretty special all right. Hell of a lot of work to make it liveable, though.”

“We said the same. We would sort of spread the work out over a few years.”

“Us too,” Sierra added, her excitement unmistakeable.

She reached out her hand. “Hey, I’m Sierra, and this goofus is Reece, my husband.”

The guy nodded, replying, “Leif, and this gorgeous creature is my wife, Patience.”

We all shook hands. It was Patience who sighed sadly. “I really don’t know why we came. This place is awesome, but shit, it’s way out of our price range.”

I chuckled softly, keeping my voice soft. “Same for us. We’ve been looking for something like this forever, but honestly, unless we can work a deal, there’s no way we can swing it. We were sort of hoping there’d be no interest so they might consider an offer.”

Just then, the agent slipped her phone into her purse and wandered over. “All right then. How can I help, what would you like to know?”

Sierra and I grabbed her, dragging her aside. “No sense beating around the bush, what’s the minimum the owners would take for it?”

She looked back at Leif and Patience, obviously assessing their interest. “Bottom line, I don’t think they will go below six hundred thousand, as is. For that, you would have to accept it in its current condition, including all of the rubbish lying around.”

Trying not to show my grimace, I squeezed Sierra’s hand tightly and replied. “Sorry, that is too much. We were thinking more like five hundred.”

She bit her lip as if pondering it. “I could make them an offer if you are genuinely serious.”

I glanced at Sierra, felt her squeezing my hand in expectation. I nodded. “Make the offer.”

She pulled out her phone and walked away. Leif and Patience strolled over, looking interested. “Well, how did it go?”

“Not sure,” I know I shouldn’t have, but I added, “We offered five hundred. Not sure they’ll take it.”

“Yeah, bro, good luck with that one,” Leif sighed supportively.

We ended up talking and exchanging numbers. They were about the same age as us, and Sierra and Patience seemed to hit it off. They were already giggling and laughing like old friends. Leif, who was a big brawny guy, turned out to be a contractor who specialised in fencing. He had that look; his physique was down to hard work, not gym work. Patience was a teacher, although she wanted to spend more time with her other passion, painting. She had dreams of turning the old hotel into a gallery and studio.

Sierra had similar dreams, although her passion was pottery. Our little house was crammed full of her stuff, and we desperately needed more space. This place would have been perfect.

Watching the agent’s animated phone conversation, it didn’t look hopeful.

The agent eventually wandered over, and her body language told me all I needed to know. She tried to get us to raise our offer, we negotiated a little, and in the end we agreed to think about it. Our problem was the money, no question that we wanted it.

The agent lost a bit of interest and scampered off to see if she could squeeze something out of Leif and Patience. Sierra and I wandered around the site. I took some pictures of the most damaged sections and the ones I considered to be the most costly to repair.

As we were about to leave, I was just opening the car door for Sierra when Leif and Patience came over. Sierra and Patience exchanged consolation hugs before we took off.

Driving back towards town, Sierra said, “Well, we may not have got the house, but I think we have some new friends.”

“Yeah, competition though.”

“Yeah, they seem nice. I’m looking forward to seeing some of Patience’s art work. She’s really passionate,” Sierra said enthusiastically.

“Oh really, already decided, huh?”

“Yep, do you want to come for a look?”

“Nah, think I’ll leave you to it. Another day maybe. When are you catching up?”

“Not sure, during the week.”

It was back to the bank. It was a hard sell; they were prepared to loan us up to four hundred, but that was all. We had enough in savings to go as high as five fifty, but that left us nothing to do the required remodelling.

Sadly, it looked like a missed opportunity. We were a little heart broken, but them’s the breaks; you can’t win them all.

Thursday night when I got home from work, Sierra was in a really bubbly mood. The kids were happily playing as she prepared dinner. I walked up behind her, patted her bum and leaned over for a very sexy little kiss. “How was your day?” I asked.

“Wonderful. I went around to Patience’s place after work. Her paintings are really good, and golly, she is so nice.” She squeezed my arm as we kissed again. “I really like her, Reece. She’s nice. I invited them over for a barbecue Saturday afternoon.”

The barbecue was good fun. They had a couple of kids, as well, like us, a girl and boy, and the ages were so similar that they like Sierra, and Patience, became instant friends.

They were an interesting couple. Patience was the deep thoughtful thinker, as well as being a very attractive woman. It was hard not to notice her very buxom figure; she had curves, all right: beautiful sexy curves. Her face was perhaps not beautiful, but bright, with the sexiest smile. Her blonde hair and pale complexion hid the deep thoughtful inner workings of her mind. Her beauty, was internal, it radiated like an aura.

Leif, on the other hand, was the dreamer, although he seemed to enjoy his work. He left school early to start an apprenticeship as a builder, which he never completed. He was not somebody who suffered fools gladly. He said later that the builder who he did his apprenticeship with was an idiot, and he couldn’t see it out. Still, he found work easily, and now had more work than he could keep up with.

He was the gregarious happy go lucky one. He carried Patience’s deep thinking persona.

With the kids off entertaining themselves, it left us free to talk. It became apparent that they were just as enamoured with the old hotel as we were, and we all sat around talking about our plans for what we would have done, the changes, the designs. Leif had some very cool ideas, and he was able to articulate them so clearly. With his hands waving wildly, he explained all the different elements.

I have to say, I was deeply impressed by his considered approach. Like me, he wanted to keep the history of the place. It wasn’t covered by any historical covenants, so seeing he wanted to maintain the building’s historical links did make me feel like we wanted the same thing.

The day passed easily, and it was really fun. Strange to meet people in such an unusual way, and after talking on a couple of occasions, it felt like there was a deep bond forming. Even with friends we knew well, we weren’t this open.

It was Sierra and Patience who formed the tightest bonds; they talked in their own little world about pottery, painting and the art world in general. Of course, it meant Sierra had to show off her new kiln and some of her most recent pieces.

It was while we were talking about the plans for the hotel, that Patience said, “We should all go out for a squizzy tomorrow. Poke around a bit, see what we can find.”

“Yeah, that’d be choice,” Sierra replied quickly before I even got a chance to say anything.

“Sweet, we could go down to the river out the back, and the kids could have a swim,” Leif added. He glanced at me as he said, “Whatcha reckon, bro?”

“Yeah, sweet, we could do that. We could grab some food for a picnic.”

“Yes, let’s make a day of it,” Patience added happily.

Sunday morning, we piled the kids in the car, filled the boot with towels, food and drinks and we met Patience, Leif and their kids at the hotel.

Leif and I walked around the place, pulling away debris and stuff as we searched for faults we missed on the first visit. He scrambled under the floor to check out the piles and foundations.

Being an electrician, I focused on that aspect as well as the plumbing.

Patience and Sierra took the kids down to the river that skirted the back boundary.

When Leif climbed out from beneath the building, we met and searched for a broken window so we could get inside. We really gave the place a going over. It was so much easier without agents hanging around.

“Whatcha reckon, bro?” he asked as he dusted himself off.

Casting my eyes around the magnificent old establishment, I said glumly, “I still think it’s great. I would love to get it, but, shit dude, the price. They’re just asking too much.”

“I disagree, bro. I think the price is okay. The way property prices are going at the mo, like climbing thirty percent a year, buy this now and without even touching it, you’d be up nearly a hundred grand in a year,” Leif mumbled.

I nodded my agreement. “Yeah, guess you’re right. I’m just pissed because we can’t afford it.”

He chuckled heartily. “Yeah, I’m with ya, bro. We can’t do it either.”

We picked up the chilly bins stacked with food and drink and headed down to the river. The kids were already frolicking in the cool water, the girls sitting on the bank laughing at all the tricks the boys were pulling off.

We dropped the chilly bins, and Sierra asked, “Well, what’s the go, is it as good as we thought?”

Leif beat me to it. “Yep, it’s perfect. We’re doing it.”

“Are we just?” Sierra giggled.

Patience threw in questioningly, “Define we?”

“All of us, we’re all in,” he exclaimed.

There were some giggles as the girls sorted out the food. We had to yell at the kids to get them out of the water.

“God, how good would it be to have this on your doorstep,” Sierra sighed wistfully.

“Yeah, Dad, let’s buy it,” my son Zane yelled.

We had a really fun afternoon. Leif and I showed the kids how to do bombs, splashing everybody.

Walking back to the cars, Leif snuck back inside and threw open the front doors so the girls and the kids could get in.

We all started going over what we would like to do. Leif had a great idea of ripping out the front reception area and turning it into the main living area. With his hands waving around like a conductor, he talked us all through it, and it all made perfect sense. I started to imagine it, my mind painting pictures. Yeah, it sounded great.

Driving back home, Sierra looked very thoughtful. “You know, it would be so wonderful living out there.” She giggled a little. “Bloody Leif’s onto it; I liked his ideas.”

“Yeah, me too. Opening up that entrance area is brilliant. Turn that into a big kitchen slash living area, especially with that huge old stone fireplace.”

We were both a little disconsolate. We wanted it so bad, but we just couldn’t find the money.

It was a bit of a shock when Tuesday night, Patience and Leif knocked on the door. They had their kids; our children were so happy to see them, they straight away dragged them outside to play.

Patience, Leif, Sierra and I sat around the table. Sierra poured a couple of wines for the girls, and I dug out a couple of beers for Leif and myself. Jeez, we even drank the same beer.

There was a moment of silence before Leif got things going. “Sorry to rock up out of the blue, but Patience and I have been talking, and we wanted to talk to you guys, because we have a suggestion.”

“Go on then, let’s hear your bright idea,” I said as we chinked bottles in a friendly toast.

“All right, bro. Here it comes, but you gotta listen. Give me a chance to get through it.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get on with it, mate.”

“Okay bro, here we go. You want the hotel, Patience and I also want it. Separately, we can’t do it, but together, we could definitely swing it and have money left over for reno’s.”

I was about to chime in when he raised his hand. “Nah, bro, you said you’d listen.”

Apologetically, I chuckled. “Go on mate, sorry.”

“Look, Patience and I talked about this, in fact we have talked about little else. After meeting you guys, we feel like there’s a real connection. The kids get on great; they’re already like siblings. The four of us have this… I dunno, connection maybe ain’t the right word. We don’t think we could do it with anybody else, but with you guys, we think it could work.”

He took a large gulp of his drink, as Sierra and I stared questioningly back and forth. I was looking for something from her to give me a hint of what she was thinking. I could see her thinking, but couldn’t unlock her thoughts.

“Okay, mate, interesting proposition, but I’m sceptical. How the hell would it work?”

He smiled before diving in; he saw my interest. “Look at it this way, bro. The place has ten bedrooms, a restaurant, big kitchen, dining area. There’s all that room in the reception area, there’s the big storeroom out the back, the public bar, four bathrooms.” He stopped for another sip of his beer before carrying on.

“We could have separation, there’s room for the kids to play, and with you and me on it, we could do most of the work ourselves.”

I was feeling dubious and couldn’t hide it. I glanced around the group. Patience and Leif had huge grins, even Sierra looked thrilled, but as she gazed towards me, she saw my scepticism. Her face lost some of the elation that had been clearly flowing through her body.

“How the hell would we survive? It doesn’t matter how we cut it up, it would still be two families living under the one roof.”

Sierra, seeing my concern, spoke up. “Do you really think we could all live together though, like Reece said, we would be under the same roof; there would be no privacy?”

“If you asked me whether we could do it with anybody else, I would say no,” Patience stated. “I, we, feel like there’s something between us. I sense something, a friendship, a kinship or something.”

“Yes, I get that,” Sierra stuttered hesitantly. “But to live together, be in each other’s faces all the time. What about arguments, fights? Jesus, Reece and me, when we go at it, things get pretty brutal.” Worry lines etched into her face.

“Sweets, we could do it; I know we could,” Patience said reassuringly. “Imagine sharing a studio and gallery space; it would be amazing. We would have bedrooms at either end of the place, lots of privacy. We could easily make two big separate living areas, one down one end, and the other up the opposite end. We wouldn’t have to be falling all over each other.” I couldn’t help but admire her absolutely oozing positivity.

Sierra looked up at me, and the worries just seemed to evaporate. “Yes, I’m in.” Her face crinkled into a cheeky smile as she stared at me. I felt a little pissed that she thought she could answer for both of us, or gave them the impression she was.

It felt like all eyes were on me, and I felt like a wet blanket. “I’m not saying I’m not interested, but shit, it’s a lot to think about.”

“Hey, bro, chill. We didn’t expect you to make your mind up here and now. We wanted to give you guys a chance to talk about it,” Leif replied.

“We would need to sort out how the money side would work, I mean, how do we organise that?”

“We all go to the bank and make our plea. Between all of us, we can easily cover the mortgage.”

Sierra got up and started working on dinner. “Do you guys want to stay? We have enough.”

Patience jumped up and started helping, and the chatter coming from the kitchen was all giggles and tittering. “Come on, bro, I tell ya, we could do it. The girls get on great, the kids are cool.”

“Mate, I’m not saying no. I’m just concerned about how we all protect ourselves. It all sounds great, but what happens if it turns to shit? We would be sinking every cent we have, and a whole bundle we don’t. If it went tits up. We would be fucked.”

“Bro, we can put together a contract that protects everything. Sew it up as tight as a fish’s arse. We could make it so tight that we’re all protected. I mean, nothing gets out a fishes arse, not even the water, right?”

His words made me laugh, he had that easy way with words, he was a funny guy, and I did like him. Growing up as an only child, I had never had a brother, Leif, even in the short time I knew him, felt like that’s what having a brother would be like.

After they left I cornered Sierra. “Not happy, babe. Why did you say yes without even talking to me?”

“Oh poo, don’t be silly, I was just saying I like it. I wasn’t committing to anything.” She slipped into my arms. “Honey, they’re nice people, you said so yourself. I like them and if it means we get the hotel, then I’m prepared to be all in.”

“But…”

“Babe, lets talk about it. I just wanted to say, I like it. I like Patience, the kids are already like a family. I love the feel of it.” She gave me a funny smiley gaze. “Maybe it’s easier for me. When I was young we lived on a commune up in Karamea for a while. I absolutely adored it.”

“What? You never told me that,” I spluttered in shock.

“There’s lots of things you don’t know about me, sweets,” she replied. “I was really sad when Mum and Dad left. I had all these friends, they were like a monster family, but Dad got this great job offer and we moved. Broke my heart.”

We talked the damn idea to death over the next few weeks. The only thing that worried me was getting out if it turned to shit.

We ended up putting all our concerns down on paper, then got a solicitor to draw up a contract. If any one of us was unhappy, for any reason, then the property would be sold and the money divided equally, depending on investment.

I liked the idea that any one of the four of us could enforce the sale. I was worried: what if they had a fight and divorced? At least this way, we all got out with at least what we went in with.

Strangely, the bank wasn’t as hard as I expected. They were pretty enthusiastic, and the finance was organised easily. Apart from us, there hadn’t been a lot of interest, so when we put in a last and final offer of five seventy five, they took it.

The papers were signed, and one month later we were moving into the hotel. We were under no illusions; it was going to be hard work. The place hadn’t been lived in for over ten years.

We organised a giant working bee the Saturday we moved in. Patience and Leif organised for a bunch of their friends. We organised the same, and we turned it into a giant day of clearing and cleaning. We had a huge barbecue, food on the go all day, a never ending supply of drinks, and by eight that night, we had a huge bonfire going, burning all the old timber that was beyond salvation. We danced, sang, cooked, and of course, got hammered.

The kids had a blast, and they all ended up camping out in one of the rooms together. It was amazing seeing how quickly they had assimilated. They were already closer than many brothers and sisters I knew.

We chose the biggest bedroom and moved in. There was a bathroom across the hall. It may not have been like having a full on en-suite, but it worked. Patience and Leif chose a smaller bedroom down the other end of the long hallway. Like us, they had a bathroom straight across the hall. It meant we got the separation we all sought.

There were eight other bedrooms between us. We expected the kids to pick one each, but they loved sharing one. I didn’t know how long that would last, but at the moment, it meant we could focus on other things.

We sort of moved into the big space that used to be the restaurant. That was to become our main living area. We set about ripping the foyer apart. It was an awesome space, and we left the big sweeping staircase intact. We ripped out the carpet, sanded all the floors. We used all the old natural timber from the front reception area, which was all native timbers: beautiful Rimu and Matai. Leif was in his element as we built the kitchen cabinets.

I have to say, he was good, a really talented craftsman. I satisfied myself watching and learning as I operated as his apprentice. We worked well as a team; I didn’t mind taking instructions. The girls did all the sanding and painting. We used the old reception desk and the bar top from the pub to make bench tops.

There was even enough left over to make this huge big wooden slab table for the dining area. Leif and I argued about who was going to get it when we split the place up into separate family areas.

It was pretty special when we finished.

Every night we had these huge big family cook ups and sat around our big table. At first, it seemed weird for me, especially. My family never had that sort of relationship. We didn’t share emotions or feelings. This huge melding of two separate families into one created, and relied on, discussion and endless conversations where everything was talked about. To me, it felt like we had completely lost our separate identity. We became this huge morphed family. We got closer, and sharing everything: good news, bad news, moans and groans, we shared them all. It was awkward, there was no getting away from that. I had always been a private person, and sharing all my innermost thoughts with the others seemed wrong.

I had always been a bit of a loner, the sports I excelled at were all solo, like tennis, track and field. I shied away from team sports because I struggled in that environment. It was different with Sierra; we shared everything, but including other people just seemed wrong. At first, it made me very uncomfortable. I just wasn’t that sort of guy.

Still, every night that’s what happened, and they didn’t seem to care, they just spilled their collective guts out during dinner. I kept my mouth shut at the start, but after a couple of months, I was there complaining about my day at work, who pissed me off, the good and the bad.

There was laughter and lots of really beautiful emotions. Yeah, okay, it all sounds a bit like a hippy commune, and I suppose the reality is, that’s the way it worked.

We converted the old public bar into the studio, come gallery. Sierra started giving her pottery classes and a stream of people started filing through just to look or to purchase.

It actually started generating income right from the start. With both the pottery and paintings on offer, it became a local hot spot and was very successful. None of us could believe it; we were making money out of it.

Our original plans were to convert the first space into one living area, then when that was complete, we would start on the second living area so we could get separation.

What can I say, it never happened. We had so much fun living as one big happy family that’s the way we left it.

We moved our attentions to the bedrooms. We started with Patience and Leif’s. We knocked down walls between two of the bedrooms and the second upstairs bathroom to make one giant bedroom. It was large enough that it gave them space to chill out in if they were feeling claustrophobic and needed time alone.

Once theirs was finished, we recreated the same thing at the other side of the building. We probably got the better end of the deal, because ours was north facing. We had complete separation and privacy. Each bedroom had it’s own en-suite. The kids were happy having just the one huge bedroom. They were all aged between five and eight, so they didn’t have the desire for separate rooms just yet. They were enjoying their new family.

I’m not saying it was all plain sailing and there were no arguments. It’s just when they did blow up, it helped having an extra shoulder to cry on.

Sierra and I had always had a deep loving relationship. I loved her with a passion. When we were on, it was unimaginably incredible. The highs so high it felt like we sat atop Everest.

The flip side was, when we fought, it was all in as well, and we held nothing back.

Having Patience’s shoulder to cry on, and having her calm even temperament to talk things through with meant the explosive arguments, like open wounds, sealed quickly.

I could see it was the same for Sierra; she loved having Patience and Leif to talk to and cry with when we were going at it. They gave her the support she needed.

It was the same for Leif and Patience, they shared an incredibly deep love, and that was obvious from the start. They, like us, loved completely. No walking the middle road; they didn’t mind that they bared their souls in front of Sierra and me. When they fought, it was brutal, and no prisoners were taken.

After two years of living together, we knew everything about each other. Our families all thought we were mad as hatters when we entered into this relationship. They all said similar things: This is going to end in tears, somebody is going to get burnt. I couldn’t argue, it’s how I felt when we first talked about it.

*******

It was a weird thing having another woman living so closely with us. At first, I was awkward and anxious around Patience, but we were thrown together so regularly that the walls slowly broke down. Because Sierra and Leif worked long hours, it often left Patience and me to pick up some of the other stuff. Going to the supermarket, shopping. Taking the kids to sporting events.

We were often found cuddled together on the sidelines in pouring rain tucked under our umbrellas, screaming and yelling our support for the kids.

We were regularly roped into the other stuff as well. Patience was incredible, maybe the single most positive person I had ever met in my entire life. Absolutely nothing got her down. She was so bright and full of effusive energy..

The fact she was also stunningly alluring raised a whole different set of emotions. It was impossible not to feel the tug of her beauty, but not just her beauty, she was incredibly sensual. I don’t mean in a slutty way, she was just open and prepared to talk about anything, including sex.

She didn’t have the same boundaries my other friends shared. Leif, as well, wasn’t shy, and between the pair of them, it was impossible not to feel the elevated feelings of arousal.

They shared open shows of affection, kissing, caressing. They definitely weren’t shy about it.

There was also, which was slightly unsettling for me at least, a very close bond between Sierra and Patience. It went beyond anything I had witnessed between Sierra and her other girlfriends. They hugged and cuddled all the time. If they worked together on little projects, or even just spent the weekend on a mad spring clean, it often ended with a kiss, not an overtly sexual kiss, but more than friendly, more than thanks. Watching those moments filled me with conflicting emotions, arousal, fear, even jealousy.

By the time we were celebrating our two year anniversary, our friends and family, had changed their minds about our living arrangements. They saw the benefits and how it worked for us.

That anniversary was celebrated the same way as most of our celebrations. We had a mini party, just the families; it was an amazing day, bloody hell, even our families got along. Like most of our family gatherings, it was full of a continuous flow of food and drinks. The day passed quickly and was loads of fun.

Once the other family members had all left and the kids were in bed, we moved out back to the big old swing seat. The night was clear and warm. A refreshing breeze drifted over, saving us from overwhelming humidity.

Leif, Sierra and Patience did as they always did and huddled together on the swing seat, passing joints back and forth. One of the other benefits of living out here was we had a garden, and we grew enough pot to keep us going. We didn’t sell, but it meant we didn’t have to buy.

The down side to being promoted to supervisor at work, was it came with responsibilities. One of those was leading, when we undertook a new drug testing regime. I was expected to get tested on a regular basis. It meant I had to give up smoking. Yeah, I missed it. Now I had to sit back in the hammock as they smoked up a storm, laughing and joking, drinking and snuggled together.

It sort of isolated me a little, but I guess that was the cross I had to bear. At least Patience seemed to have some empathy for me. Sierra just laughed, making fun of my misfortune.

Patience started joining me in the hammock and we cuddled together. She enjoyed the pot, but she also liked to cuddle, which was nice for me.

She was a beautiful creature, and I loved having her in my arms. So sensual. One of her specialities was massage. She was actually an accredited masseuse. She never used it as a money-making venture, but having her give a massage was an amazing experience, especially in summer. Under the starry nights, laid out on her table, she worked out all my tension and soreness.

God, her hands were like magic. It was impossible not to get a hard on. She took great joy yelling loudly enough that everyone heard. “Sierra, babe, you’re getting lucky tonight. Somebody has wood.” Yeah, I turned seventeen shades of red. Sierra just laughed.

With Patience’s hands gliding over your skin, it was impossible not to become excited. It was amazing; she had this sensational firmness, yet with a gentle quality. Her hands glided, squeezed, rubbed and in a way, caressed. At first I was embarrassed, but her easy going nature and openness dissolved all the awkwardness.

If getting a massage was special, then watching her give Sierra one was a special gift. Bloody hell, it was one of the most erotic things I had ever seen in my life. Leif thought so as well. Like me, he watched with mouth hanging open, enjoying the show.

At first he tried to stay out of the way, but then he used to come and sit with me, pass me a beer, toast, then like a couple of perverts, we watched drooling as Patience massaged Sierra.

Patience realised we were perving and often laughed loudly. “Sierra, babe, we got an audience again.”

“Fucking pervs,” Sierra threw at us, but I noticed she didn’t mind getting naked, even knowing Leif was there; in some ways, that emboldened her. When she rolled onto her back, she completely threw off the towel. She seemed to get some evil joy from torturing us.

I never complained though, because I reaped the rewards. Once the bedroom door was closed, on those nights we made love with a renewed passion, urgent and frantic.

Leif and I often joked together about those nights; it seemed to arouse Patience every bit as much as Sierra. In their bedroom, it was him receiving the benefits.

It was a bit different if I was the recipient. On those nights, Sierra took great pleasure in teasing and provoking me. Once we were in bed, she loved to use her oral skills to arouse me. With her fingers curled around my erection, and her mouth to tease. “So, somebody seems to enjoy Patience’s massages,” she breathed seductively, stroking me to an even harder condition. “I suppose you would prefer it was her hand stroking you right now?”

As we made love, she took it even further. It did bring about a few painful conversations. I still remember the first time Sierra raised it. We were sprawled out naked on the bed, recovering from a particularly frantic lovemaking session.

We were snuggled together when from out of nowhere she asked, “Do you have sexual feelings for Patience?”

The question caught me off guard, and I spluttered unconvincingly. “No, of course not. Why do you ask?”

She leaned closer, her eyes bearing her intent. “Be honest, Reece, I am being serious. I want to know. Do you find her sexually attractive?”

“No,” I lied, afraid to reveal my true thoughts. This was new ground for us. It was a road we had never ventured down. She had never complained when catching me ogling an attractive woman. Talking like this, that was something we had never attempted, and I was nervous, more than that. It scared the shit out of me.

Sierra saw through it easily. “Reece, stop it,” she said before giggling softly. “Come on, babe, we have been married ten years. We can be honest. Are you attracted to her?”

Seeing her smile, and the warm soft lilt in her voice. I decided to be honest. “All right, yes, she is very attractive. Most men would find her appealing.”

“I’m not talking about most men, I’m talking about you. What I’m asking is, would you like to sleep with her?”

The quick escalation had alarm bells ringing frantically. “No,” I replied, nervously. “I don’t know why we’re having this conversation, but no. I do not want to have sex with Patience, or anybody else, for that matter.”

Her soothing voice was back. “What if I said I wouldn’t mind? What if I said I wasn’t gonna be upset?”

I chuckled lightly. “Yeah, right. I remember you chastising me because I had the audacity to ogle that woman at your sister’s wedding.”

That caused her to titter uncontrollably. “I remember that; god, you were almost drooling. People were laughing at you.”

“So this generosity, would it extend to that gorgeous creature if I bumped into her?”

She nudged me hard in the ribs. “No, it bloody wouldn’t.” She sniggered. “This is solely regarding Patience.”

“Why, Sierra, tell me why we are suddenly having this conversation?”

She kissed my shoulder as she nuzzled in closer. “It’s not sudden, Reece. We are so close to Patience and Leif, I wanted to know if the emotions and feelings you share with her every day extended to sex.”

“Have you girls been talking about this?”

She nodded guiltily, but warmly. “Yeah, we’ve spoken about it.”

“And?”

“Well, yes, she and Leif have had this conversation as well, and they sort of feel like I do.”

“And how do you feel about it?” I asked, wondering how come she had this conversation with them before talking to me?

“I guess we live so closely together, all of us in this beautiful serene haven. I think that it’s impossible not to develop those feelings towards each other.”

“So, what you’re trying to tell me is, you’re attracted to Leif, sexually speaking?”

“Yes.” Her answer faltered, her speech hesitant and stuttering. Her face glowing guiltily.

Her answer shocked me. I felt a cold shiver run through me. “Time for you to be honest. Do you want to take these feelings further, do you want to sleep with Leif?”

I felt her wriggle and squirm as she tried to get even closer. “Yes, and no; yes I’m attracted to him, we have such an amazing relationship that it is impossible to hide from those feelings. Don’t you think?”

“Yes, in a way. I, like any other breathing male of the species, find myself admiring Patience. Yes, that stretches to sexually, but I would never act on it, Sierra. You have to know that.”

“Silly, of course I know that, and it is the same for me. I would never do anything that risked our marriage.”

We lay cuddled together for a few quiet moments before I cheekily asked. “So, tell me. When you talked to Patience, what did she say about me? Was she attracted?”

“Oh no you don’t, buddy,” she snapped playfully. “If you want the answer to that question, you’ll have to ask her yourself. My lips are sealed.”

“Okay, I can live with not knowing. What about Leif, does he have these feelings toward you?”

She flinched a little. “I haven’t spoken to him, but Patience did sort of intimate that he does have feelings about me. Apparently they do some role play stuff.”

“Jesus Christ.” I spluttered. “They pretend she is you?”

She giggled hysterically… playfully. “God, I don’t know. I didn’t ask.”

Things got a bit awkward between us all after that. There was definitely a tension building, and we all felt it. We didn’t speak about it openly, but I guess we were talking about it in private. It certainly brought Sierra and Patience close together. I sort of tried to put it to the back of my mind, although I did pay a little closer attention to how Leif interacted with Sierra. He was definitely interested in her; I mean, why wouldn’t he be? Sierra was an attractive woman. It did make me feel a little uncomfortable, knowing what I now knew. Once your wife tells you she is interested in another man, it changes the way you look at things. It was not that I didn’t trust her or doubted her in any way. It’s just once you have that knowledge, it changes the way you see him, the way you think.

Life is a strange bedfellow, and the path is never straightforward. Over the next few months, our relationship shifted on its axis a little. It was the late nights after we had all chilled out. The sessions became more intimate, closer. We danced to soft music, cheek to cheek stuff, and we often switched partners when dancing. There was nothing more than some light fondling, the occasional kiss.

It was amazingly erotic, sensual. I guess things were changing, although I felt we were all too scared to take the first step. I knew that the attraction between Patience and I was growing by the day. She had the most amazing ability to bring things out of me. She found ways to get me to open up, and I found we were able to talk about things that I couldn’t talk to Sierra about. She was somehow softer, deeper, more intense. I loved nothing more than snuggling and talking shit with her, especially if that also included some snogging, a sneaky little pash. The boundaries of our relationship were starting to stretch.

I knew Sierra and Leif were also on a similar path, feeling matching emotions. It was confusing, a little daunting, but not impossible.

It happened slowly. We started feeling more comfortable with each other. Patience, especially, liked to kiss, often grabbing me for a snog. We could be doing dishes or hanging out laundry, and her method of saying thanks was a long sensuous kiss.

If we were watching TV, she often curled up on my lap, leaving Sierra to sit with Leif. It wasn’t forced or contrived. It felt natural, just an extension of our growing intimacy.

It was a slow easing of boundaries, our marriage lines blurring more with every passing day. It was impossible to stop, not that anybody was trying. We talked about everything.

The kids were even tighter. They shared absolutely everything. We stopped functioning as two separate families sharing a house, and we became this one huge living entity.

With the boundaries stretching, the breaking point had to be reached eventually. Our thirteenth wedding anniversary prised open that final door.

Of course, it started with a whole family celebration. We had a huge communal lunch, lots of food and games with the kids. Grandparents, friends, it was a huge day. It was once the family was gone, the kids were in bed and the night closed in that things took a world changing shift. We had lots to drink, and Leif, Sierra and Patience smoked a couple of fat joints. We moved the stereo speakers outside, away from the kids’ bedrooms, and we chilled out on the big old sofa and a couple of chairs.

Patience skulled her wine before dragging me up to my feet. “No,” I moaned in objection. “I’m comfy,” I complained.

“Shut up, don’t be a stick in the mud. I know it’s your anniversary, but surely you can share one dance with me?”

The song was fast and we danced together. She was pretty smashed, and the dancing got raunchier. She ground her silky body against me, her tits crushed against my chest, her naughty bits on my thighs, wriggling and writhing like a slippery eel.

It was impossible not to be aroused. I felt my dick twitching uncontrollably. She swayed and writhed sexily. As the song finished, she cried out, “Will somebody put a different record on, something slow and sexy?”

With the music now soft and sexy, Patience moulded her sexy body against mine. It was like we were suddenly one. Her swollen pointy nipples grazed erotically across my chest, and with her wet slippery lips sliding over my flesh, it was impossible to retain control.

Her arms circled my neck, her mouth nuzzled into my neck like a famished mosquito. Our mouths collided, her sweet tasting lips parted and her tongue swirled into my expectant mouth. “Hhhhhmmmm, that’s much better.” she moaned softly into my mouth.

I felt my hands cup her perfect arse cheeks, the flesh taut and firm. God, she wriggled a little more, my cock now swelling quickly under her assault.

We swayed, our feet unmoving, just the gentle sway of her body with mine, her succulent lips caressing mine, the kiss so powerful everything else dissolved into insignificance.

With my erection throbbing painfully, trapped inside my jeans, I got a jolt of guilt. Opening my eyes I scanned the deck. Sierra and Leif were locked in a sordid passionate embrace of their own on the big old sofa, totally lost in their lust.

Patience was eager, almost urgent as she tried to drag me back into the kiss. I had to stop now, or there would be no stopping. It was a moment of clarity, a stone cold slap in the face, which scared the living shit outta me. I could see everything we had worked for going up in smoke.

I closed my hands around Patience’s shoulder, pushing her out to arms length. “We have to stop,” I whispered hoarsely, my breath coming in short shallow gasps.

I felt her wither in my arms, her passion oozing away. “Reece, there’s no need for panic, just relax.”

“Come on, Patience, we’re married, we can’t do this.”

“Reece, babe, you’re getting all worked up, just take a deep breath, don’t overthink this. We are having a fun night, nothing more, let yourself go, just enjoy the moment.”

She knew me well, that’s what I do. I’m a problem solver, a trouble shooter, but also a worrier. “Patience, I can’t do this. Let’s just get a drink and catch our breath.”

She sighed in resignation. “Okay, maybe you’re right, I could use a drink anyway.”

As we walked back to the table, the sounds of passion coming from Leif and Sierra showed how deeply they were into it.

“Sierra,” I said loud enough to drag her out of her moment of ardour. “Do you want another drink?”

They broke their kiss and she looked up at me, her eyes red, glazed, her mind obviously fuzzy. “What?”

As her eyes focused, and fixed on mine. She sort of came back to life, looking a little guilty as she saw me leaning over them. “Do you want a drink?” I repeated.

“Um, yeah, that’d be choice.” She unwound her arms from Leif, who settled back on the old sofa. As our eyes locked, she sighed deeply, the frustration evident.

I poured the drinks and sat back in the old rolled arm chair. Patience, with a sexy giggle, fell into my lap, her arm circling my neck, her head resting on my shoulder. There were a few moments of sticky silence. I think we were all feeling, well except for Patience. the same emotions: confusion, trepidation. Patience was totally at ease, there was no uncertainty, no doubt in her.

It was Patience who broke the growing anxiety. “Sierra, babe, would you mind if Reece and I went to bed, and we left you two, to it?”

Sierra’s eyes darted to mine and we stared back and forth, words impossible. I could see from her expression, she was recalling all our recent conversations. I had made my feelings clear. “Reece, is that what you want?” she finally squeaked out.

“I don’t know; I’m a bit confused about what’s happening here.”

“Reece,” Patience mumbled. “We can’t go on pretending this isn’t happening. We’re all feeling the same way. This is a natural thing. An extension of our love for one another.”

Glancing at her quickly, I replied, “Patience, there are a lot of emotions going round my bonce. I don’t want to fuck this up. I want to properly understand what’s happening, what we’re doing. I need to know we are all into this. Our friendship is far too important. This could easily destroy everything.”

She sounded frustrated as she said firmly, “It doesn’t have to destroy anything. This could simply be the next step in our journey together. This tension, sexual and otherwise, has been building, you must have felt it.” Her eyes zoomed around the group. “Surely you must all feel this; to me, it feels almost inevitable, an unavoidable collision. I know from a personal perspective, it is something I have been feeling very deeply, and very much want.”

Sierra winced a little as she glanced at me. “Reece, honey, you don’t have to be scared. I feel the same, the tension has been unbearable lately. I hope you understand, I love you, but this feels right.”

Patience gave me a peck on the cheek. “Reece, baby, this could be something special between all of us. Maybe it happens only the once, maybe it opens a door to a whole new way of life, I don’t know. What I do know is, we are all standing in front of a door, and I want to push it open and see what awaits.”

Leif, who had been silent throughout the conversation, suddenly found his voice. “Bro, I think we all want this. I watched you before, dancing, and damn, it was sexy, dude. You do want this, but if you’re uncomfortable, it doesn’t have to go any further. it all stops right here if you’re not happy. The last thing any of us want is for shit to get awkward between us.”

“Yeah, that’s what concerns me, it’s not right now. It’s what happens in the morning?” I rasped apologetically.

“Sweetheart, it’s going to be fine. I think we are all adult enough to know this is not going to interfere with our love for each other,” Sierra whispered breathlessly.

Patience looked in my eyes for a long moment before speaking. “You really aren’t up for this, are you, Reece?”

She moved like a gazelle as she stood slowly. Her hand reached for mine. “Could we go for a walk, talk about things?”

Accepting her hand, she pulled helping me out of the chair.

“We’ll be back in a minute, perhaps you guys could start cleaning up?” she said encouragingly.

Sierra smiled anxiously, “Are you okay, babe?”

“Yeah, a walk might be good, help clear my head.”

Patience led me to a little bench we had in the front yard. We could see Leif and Sierra, but only as shadows as they started clearing up.

“All right, Reece. Be honest, What’s bothering you? I mean, really bothering you? There’s something worrying you other than the fact that this would break some rules.”

She was right, it was deeper than rules and vows. I had to think a moment, trying to find a way to express my feelings, make sense of the mush going round in my head. Patience was true to her name, kindness and concern written all over her lovely face.

“I feel… I feel like, well, like this could turn into a big disaster. That we could destroy everything we have worked for. We could lose our friendship,”

“Is that all, Reece?”

“Patience, this could blow my marriage to bits, obliterate it. God damn, there are so many bad things that could happen. I just don’t understand where all this is coming from.”

“Yes, I understand your nervousness. This is our fault. We have been talking about it for a while. I know the concept is new to you, and that wasn’t fair.”

“Who’s, we? Is it all of you, or just you and Sierra?”

“Yes, all of us, okay? Sierra and I have been talking about if for ages, and lately, the three of us have sort of chatted about it. Not planning, just talking. Leif and I have been talking, like forever. I’m sorry, Reece, we should have included you as well.”

“Sierra has broached the subject, but this, tonight. It felt so sudden. Like you had all planned it.”

“No, oh god no. We never planned anything, this was just a collision waiting to happen. Sierra and I talked, and I suggested rather than start a huge conversation, we just let things happen organically.”

“It just seems weird,” I blustered.

“You know, Reece, from that first day, we all met at that open home. I felt something, it was cosmic. The universe reaching out, or something. This is about more than sex, Reece, this isn’t a silly teenage crush. There are real emotions at play here.”

She giggled, following up with, “It’s not like I just have the hots for you.” There was that gorgeous sexy smile again, drawing me in, her warm hand holding tightly to mine. “Yeah, okay, I admit it. I do have the hots for you, but this is far deeper than that. I know it can’t just be me. You must feel it, as well.”

“I’m only human, Patience, of course I feel it. But we are talking about knocking the walls of our marriages down and opening ourselves up to a whole new world of hurt.”

“Yes, that may be true, but the same door opens up to pleasure, love, kindness, joy and satisfaction. You are only focusing on the negative elements.”

I felt confused, as if my head would explode at any minute. “Are you prepared for the fallout Patience? I mean, you’ve seen what it’s like when Sierra and I fight. It’s a bloody war zone.”

She smiled at me. “Reece, look around at this place. It’s ours, all of ours. I love what it stands for. It’s our place. We’ve built it together, all of us adding something unique. Do you remember when we started? You were the one who saw the potential problems, remember? You’re the solutions guy. Once you looked at the risks and found ways to deal with them, you were all in. Your entire life savings, remember? Just like us. You knew there were still risks, things could still go wrong. But you did what you could about the risks, then you invested everything. And now look what we have, because of that.”

She waved her hand at the old hotel, now our beloved home. I knew where she was going, but it wasn’t the same.

“That was just money. If we’d lost it, yes it would have been tough, but it wouldn’t have been the end of the world. Sierra, our marriage and our kids, that’s my whole life. If I lost that, I don’t think I could recover.”

“What makes you think you’ll lose Sierra?”

“Did you see the way she was looking at Leif tonight? Did you see them kiss? It scared me that she was ready. Actually, she was more than ready, she was eager to take him to bed. It scares me that maybe I’ve already lost her.”

“Reece, you are so wrong, babe. Sierra loves you. Your love is far stronger than that. She has been feeling exactly what we have all been feeling. There is that air of uncertainty, something new, and taboo. What you saw wasn’t eagerness, it was anxiety. Everything you’re feeling, she feels as well. We’ve just had more time to think about it.”

“Jesus, Patience, this isn’t helping. You’re scaring me.”

“Reece, remember when we first walked through this place? How we imagined how it would look when we finished? Imagine the four of us in one loving marriage. Sierra and I have two equal husbands, you and Leif have two equal wives. There’s no jealousy because we’re all equal, and we all love each other. I think the four of us together could have something better and more loving than any of us dreamed of when we first married. I think we can build it together, like we built our home. I believe we can do this, Reece.”

“How can you be so sure?”

Her expression was born of confidence, a surety. “I know you see the risks, Reece. And I know they’re real. But I believe the positives are far greater, you just have to have faith, believe in yourself, in us. It’s real, my sweet man, so very real. If we throw everything into it, we could have something epic.”

All I heard was the music from “Jaws” echoing around my head. I started to say something, but Patience shushed me.

“Reece, I love you. I do. I have for a while now. Even if we never have sex, I’ll still love you. That means I will never deliberately hurt you or see you hurt. You have my word of honour on that. I know that Sierra loves you more today than she did when we first met, and I will do everything I can to make sure that continues, I promise you. Leif loves you like the best brother in the world. We all have your back. None of us will let you be hurt.”

“But what if it all turns to shit? We both know that could happen.” I was desperately trying not to sound whiny, thankfully she took me seriously.

“You’re right. And if it did, there would be four badly broken hearts. But I promise you I will do everything in my power to make sure that never happens. And just like with our home, I believe what we can build together is far greater than you realise.”

“What about the kids?”

Patience laughed. “They’re way ahead of us on this, and you know it.”

I had to smile. She was right about that bit. The kids were practically brothers and sisters already, and we shared parent duties most of the time as it was.

“Look, I have to think about this,” I said, running my hand through my hair. “I have to get my head around it. I know I’m not ready for this. All I want is to celebrate my anniversary with Sierra.” I could see her disappointment, but had to go on.

“I’ll think about what you said, I promise I will. You make it sound like three miles closer to heaven, or something, and you may be right. But unless all of us are on board and have the same understanding of things, it’s gonna crash and burn.”

“I agree,” she said soberly. “You need your time to think things through. You know, that’s one of the things both Sierra and I love about you.”

I heard the grin in her voice. “But don’t take too long. The tension is rising, and you know it. There is love and passion driving everybody at the moment. You need to be clear about what you want. Don’t hold anything back.”

When we walked back around the front, Sierra and Leif had just about finished the cleaning up.

All eyes, it seemed, were on me as I reached out for Sierra’s hand.

“We need to talk.”She slipped into my arms, and I felt her body meld to mine. Her kiss was warm, the pot, and wine adding flavour and texture.

“Let’s go to bed.”

She nodded. “I’d like that.”

As we closed the bedroom door, she gushed ashamedly, “I’m sorry, Reece, it probably feels like we we sprang this on you tonight. All I want is for you to know. I love you forever.” It was barely a whisper.

“I never doubted that, Sierra. I know this must be as hard for you as it is for me. I’m scared. Scared of losing you, of losing the kids. Shit, there are so many things that could go wrong. What if I have sex with Patience and you hate me, kick me out?”

She sighed, her breasts heaving as we stood, faces touching. “Babe, stop… You always do this, stop focusing on the negatives. I know there are risks, but I know you would never hurt me. Not intentionally. And, believe me, I would never hurt you.”

“I don’t know, Sierra, I’m already feeling the grip of jealousy. Seeing you snogging with Leif tonight. Jesus, that freaked me out. All I wanted to do was smack the shit out of him.”

“I’m sorry, Reece. We have talked about this so much that I thought you were into it. Especially when I watched you dancing with Patience, god it looked so sexy.”

“I know, that was wrong of me. Didn’t you feel jealous?”

She goggled nervously. “Jealous, no, not even a little. It excited me.”

“Shit, Sierra. We’re so different. I was jealous as fuck. Honestly, I was ready to explode.”

Her mouth closed over mine in a scintillating sensuous kiss, her lips luscious, soft, yet strong, her tongue a wild inquisitive beast, searching for prey.

Our hands wandered, clothes vanished, our naked flesh caressing, massaging. We fell on the bed, our bodies tangled sinuously, like creeping tree roots. We made love; it was wild passionate, torrid, it was beautiful and slow.

Later, sated, about three blinks from sleep.

“I think…” I started. Sierra’s finger on my lips silenced me.

“We’ll talk about that later, Reece. Tonight is just for us. You need to know that I love you tonight more than I ever have, and I will never love you less than I do right now. You must know this.” Her voice quivered with intensity. I could not doubt that this was the truth of her heart. She sealed it with a kiss that was tender and passionate, a kiss thirteen years in the making, but as new as tomorrow.

It was another couple of days before Sierra and I had a chance to talk by ourselves. I decided to be direct. With what happened and my mind in complete turmoil, there was no other way. I had to find out.

“Sierra, we’ve been stalling this, but we have to talk about it. You’re obviously eager to progress this open marriage concept. I need to know, what are your feelings towards, Leif? What I want to know is, how badly you want him there.”

“Jesus, Reece, I thought you might lead up to it gently.” I just looked at her. This time, I wasn’t going to help her out; this had to come from her alone.

“Okay, you’re right. We do have to discuss it. Honestly, I do fancy him and I know he feels the same. All this tension. It’s not dissipating, is it? If anything, it’s growing, engulfing all of us, at least that’s the way I feel. You can’t lay it all at my feet, either. I see the way you look at Patience. I see that desire.”

When I didn’t immediately respond, she added, “She loves you, Reece, I mean really loves you.”

“And how do you you feel about that?” I asked nervously.

Her body wilted a little, her tension seemingly easing away. “I have given this a lot of thought. I like Patience, and she has this incredible vision where we become one huge big family unit. It’s because I know how much you and I love each other. Patience is wonderful, and I know she’s not trying to steal you away, she’s not trying to replace me in your heart. So if you two got together, I’d be happy for you both.”

We were silent a while, then she took my face between her hands and turned it towards her. “Reece, Patience and I talked about this, a lot. I know you’ve got reservations, and that’s why nobody is pushing this. I think we all know it can’t happen until we’re all on board with it.” She giggled that cute little thing she did when nervous. “I can feel your pulse, Reece. I can tell how nervous you are about this. I understand, it’s who you are. Please trust me, and trust Patience. We love you, Reece, and we won’t let you be hurt. I love you. Always and forever, just as I promised.”

I sighed. “I’m thinking of what I’ll feel when I see you and him snuggling and flirting together and I know you’re headed for bed.”

She giggled. “You don’t know what Patience has in mind for you. I can almost guarantee that Leif and I would be the last thing on your mind.”

The kids were in bed. I had finished tidying up the kitchen and came out onto the deck to chill for a while. Sierra and Leif were cuddled cosily into the old sofa, and Patience had struck a sexy pose in one of the chairs. They were all looking at me: Leif happy as a pig in shit; Christ, I wish I had his confidence. He seemed so at ease with all of this. Sierra and Patience just sat there with big smiles and puppy dog eyes. The three of them shared the same belief; I was the odd one out.

I had thought a lot about what Sierra and Patience had said to me. I knew they believed every word and would do their best to keep their promises, whatever it cost. I had been gradually getting accustomed to the idea that this was going to happen.

Part of me wanted to keep on walking, off the deck and out into the night. Would that stop this train wreck, or just delay it for a while? I didn’t know, and wasn’t sure I wanted to find out. What if I spent a lonely night out under the stars and came back to find Leif in my bed with Sierra? And maybe Patience, too? Should I just dive in head first?

Sometimes, you just have to take the risk. Jump out off the plane and hope the parachute opens. I smiled at Patience, took her hand and raised her from the chair. My efforts to be a gentleman and lend some dignity to the proceedings were trashed when Patience took off running to our bedroom, dragging me stumbling along to the sound of happy laughter from both of our spouses.

Before I could catch my balance, we were in our bed, Patience’s gorgeous voluptuous body crushed against me, her mouth devouring mine, her passion overwhelming both of us. She was the driver, the conductor, and I her innocent pupil.

Sensing my anxiety, she lowered that gorgeous sexy mouth to engulf my cock, and it felt like heaven. My manhood bathed in liquid molten white hot metal. “Oh fuck,” I screamed in joyous bliss, as her mouth slid up and down my throbbing erection. Any thoughts about this being wrong evaporated.

Her fingers caressing my balls, her lips sucking ferociously on my cock, drove me beyond caring.

I found her sex, her pussy puffy, swollen, open, my fingers sliding into her womanly depths, the clenching walls of her vagina convulsing around my twirling finger. God, she felt so moist, so sticky and juicy. Her engorged lips gurgled as my fingers drove in and out, around and around, probing, and swirling, my flat palm finding her clit, fat and angry as it vibrated against my skin. I rubbed hard, enticing wanton moans from her mouth as she lifted it off my raging pole.

I pulled her into a sixty-nine with her lying atop me. With my hands on her hips, I pulled her down against my face, my tongue driving as deep into her sex as was humanly possible. I lapped and licked. Visions of a maniacal cat formed in my mind.

She moaned loudly before her lips sucked my cock back into her boiling hot mouth.

I fucked her with my tongue, probing and prodding, I wrapped my arm around her leg so I could slip my fingers deep into her creamy slippery crevice. First one, then two, then three fingers plunging in and out like a steely blade, disappearing into her convulsing slit.

Emotions so powerful carried us higher, I licked faster and faster, harder and harder, her clit so swollen I felt it grow, allowing me to suck it into my mouth.

I felt her body tremble as I sucked that little bud; I nibbled at it, sucked it, lapped it.

Her body went into a spasm, her thighs clamping around my head in a crushing vice-like grip.

She was about to orgasm, even I felt it; her body went so taut, every fibre of her being stretched in tension. Then she started to writhe, her hips jerking as she fucked my face. Up and down she slammed her pussy onto my face, it was uncontrollable.

She had stopped sucking me as she gasped crazily for air. “Fuck me, god, fuck me,” she cried loudly. Then with a trembling jerky crushing thrust, her pussy swallowed my face and she came and came.

As she descended from her high, I slowed to a gentle kissing lick, long slow languid strokes of my tongue. Gradually, she got control of her breathing and she climbed off, sliding up beside me, her face next to mine, her head resting on my shoulder. “Oh my god, that was insane. Oh god, I haven’t come like that before.”

I thought she was going to sleep, but slowly she started to kiss me, softly licking her own juices of my face. “Are you going to fuck me?” she breathed in my ear.

I rolled her onto her back and slid straight into her inviting, palpating slick slit, my balls coated in her sticky secretions. “Oh god yes, do that, fuck me.”

I moved slowly, but the heat of her body, the passionate fire of her kisses, soon made that an impossible task. As her legs wrapped around my waist, her ankles locked together, her hips bucking wildly. Every thrust of my hips was met by hers, the wet sloppy sounds of our lovemaking filled the air. Faster, harder I went, driving the length of my cock deep into her; my orgasm approached quickly.

I wanted to wait, allow her to join me, but it was too wild, too erotically charged. My balls were on their own mission to spurt deeply inside her.

To her cries of, “Yes, yes, yes.” I exploded, my sperm erupting inside her. As my balls emptied, I felt her body trembling and her hips jerking up and down. “Don’t stop, babe, oh god, I’m almost there, don’t stop.”

Normally I deflate quickly, but with her pussy clutching tightly, I stayed hard, and kept thrusting into her.

Her second orgasm was not as out of control as the first, but it was strong and noisy.

We collapsed together, in a joyous heap of sweaty glistening flesh, my heart pounding, my breathing ragged and out of control.

It took a long time before we were able to cuddle. She kissed me. “There now, that wasn’t so bad was it?”

I laughed. “No, it was all right I suppose.”

“Cheeky bugger.” She giggled. “I need a drink, I’m going to get wine, do you want a beer?”

She was gone in a flash, leaving me to try and figure out how it all happened.

Patience came sneaking into the bedroom, giggling conspiratorially. “I just listened at the door. Leif and Sierra are doing it.”

Patience poured her drink and handed me my beer. I guess she wasn’t expecting to see me grimace. “Sorry, I didn’t think. I thought you would find it as exciting as I did.”

She looked at me sadly. “You didn’t enjoy knowing they had fun like us?”

“Sorry, this is all new to me. I’m confused.”

“You weren’t confused earlier.”

“No, I guess I wasn’t,” I replied guiltily.

We drank slowly, enjoying the bite of the refreshing liquids. “Are we spending the night, or swapping back?” I asked.

Patience snuggled close. “I want to stay the night. Enjoy this. I’m sorry, I spoilt the mood.”

“It’s fine, I’m just experiencing feelings I have never felt before.”

“Hey, it’s the same for me you know. This is a first for me, as well,” she breathed.

“Yes, sorry. You must be experiencing the same doubts. I mean hearing them. Didn’t you feel jealous?”

“Doubts, oh my god no…” she stated firmly. “Jealousy… no. We’re different people and I know you’re struggling with all of this. Reece, it aroused me, made me happy.”

“Christ, I don’t know what to think. My mind is mush at the moment.”

She giggled. “Then stop thinking, and just be. Did you enjoy it?”

“I think that was obvious, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, it was amazing, can we just focus on that? I’m glad that Leif and Sierra enjoyed their time together. It would be horrid if we had fun and they didn’t.”

“Yes, I suppose that’s true.”

“Think about it, Reece, if they didn’t enjoy it, they wouldn’t want to do it again. Where would that leave us?”

“I don’t know. Sorry, I can’t think.”

“Good, then just cuddle me.”

Sleep came easily, her hot silky smooth body cradled in mine, her sweet breath mingling with mine. It was easy.

The morning was wild, I woke, thinking I was in a sexy dirty dream. It felt so real: a blowjob, I was getting a blowjob. When my eyes opened, Patience’s head was going up and down in my lap. I had to reach down and ruffle her hair to prove it was real.

It was nice, but I wanted more. I tugged on her hair, pulling her into a kiss. “You didn’t like?” she squealed playfully.

Lying on my back, I pulled her on top of me. She slid up and down my turgid shaft, her wet slippery slit caressing my steely rod. She rubbed her slit along my shaft, sticky and gooey, my cock coated with her lubricious juice.

I felt her clit wriggling on my cock as she masturbated on me, her mouth ravishing mine, the passion growing, the intensity, suddenly white hot.

She moved her hips in swirling circular motions, rubbing her clit on the length of my cock. Jesus, I had never felt anything like it. All I could do was clasp her firm arse and hold on.

As her orgasm approached in a wild eruption, she swallowed my cock deep into her pussy and we rode the final seconds of our early morning bliss to a combined wild come.

After the previous night, I was surprised I had any left, but as she collapsed atop me, her pussy continued to milk the last drops from my shrivelled balls.

We showered together. As she dried off, she wrapped herself in a towel and scampered off down to their room to find some fresh clothes.

By the time I walked down to the kitchen, the kids were already up and about. The kitchen smelled of breakfast, the kids making their usual noises as they laughed and played.

When Sierra spotted me, she winced, blushed and her eyes quickly looked away. I watched as she placed a large plate of hot toast and fruit on the table, She sort of sidled up to me and her arms circled my neck, she tilted her head and our lips met in a wet juicy kiss.

“Hey, babe, are you okay?” she whispered.

“Yeah, you?” I hoped it was the truth, but I wasn’t sure of much at that moment.

I felt her arms tighten as she rubbed her body against me. “I’m good, so long as you are.”

Leif wandered out behind me. “Hey, everybody!” he called out loudly. I guess it was his brash way of trying to normalise everything.

He gave me a pat on the shoulder as he walked past. “Hey, bro, how’s it hanging?”

“Good, you?”

“All good, bro.” He wandered over to Patience and pulled her into a passionate kiss, the kids all laughing and sniggering.

The day was sort of awkward as we all pitched in and got through the raft of jobs we all did on weekends, Patience taking several opportunities to pinch my bum or rub against me. She and Sierra giggled as they worked on picking the last of the raspberries. I heard the giggles and caught several furtive glances.

Dinner was noisy and normalcy did seem to be returning.

The kids went off to bed and we were alone. This was it, the moment I had been dreading was upon us. Were we just going to pretend it never happened, or were we going to talk? I was almost praying for option one. Patience and Sierra had other ideas.

As Sierra brought out the beers and wine. Patience addressed us all. “Okay, we need to talk about last night.”

Sierra nodded as she glanced around the room. “I thought it was wonderful.”

“Me too,” Patience added, “but what happens now, was it a one off? Or are we going to admit we liked it, and embrace it?”

Leif interrupted her. “I would love for it to become part of our lives.” He took a quick peek at me, before adding. “If we can all agree, I would like to think we can all act like adults and be honest. I don’t want it to become dishonest. I want us to all be open and honest with each other.”

“What the hell does that mean?” I spluttered, becoming a little irritated.

“What I mean is, it sounds like we all had fun, we all enjoyed the evening. If we can be honest about that, then there’s nothing to stop us repeating that when the urge overtakes us.” Leif replied.

“Well, I for one don’t want it to be a one off. I loved it, and would love to find a way for it to become a regular part of our lives.” Patience announced almost proudly.

“Yes, I enjoyed it, as well,” Sierra added, although I could see she was apprehensive.

It felt like they were all staring at me, waiting expectantly. I tried to choose my words carefully. I didn’t want to offend anybody, but I still had some concerns.

“I enjoyed the evening.” I glanced quickly at Patience. “It was a fun experience, but I don’t want to destroy what we have.”

A hush fell over us as they all tried to find words. “Bro, I think this is going to be impossible to stop.” Leif stated loudly, too strongly, I felt. But looking at Sierra and Patience, I was pretty sure he was right.

“I agree,” Patience added. “Reece, we all have a lot invested in this, and maybe that’s why we are where we are. This wasn’t a cheap sleazy wife swap thing. I believe we all have feelings for one another. Real feelings, real emotions.”

“I think that’s true, we do care for each other and I don’t want to lose that. If somebody gets hurt in this, it will blow the whole deal.”

Sierra cut me off. “Reece, we all agreed we enjoyed it. Couldn’t we just let it go, see what happens?”

“Okay, what are we talking about? Once a week? Once a month, a year? What are we talking about?” I sounded flustered, anxious. I hated that, but it was how I felt.

“Stop being so calculating.” She snorted in frustration. “Don’t try to make rules, just let it happen organically.”

“But what if we are not all up for it, somebody is sick, periods, kids… What happens then?” It felt like I was in a swirling vortex of emotions, so thick it felt like quicksand. My words were attempts to slow down, to lock onto something solid.

“Reece, baby, we are in this together. If somebody is uncomfortable, then it doesn’t happen. That must be the only rule, nobody gets hurt. This has to be mutual, nobody has to do something they don’t want to,” Patience explained.

There was lots of talk, but nothing was decided. We just left it open ended.

That night in bed, Sierra was pretty excited and instigated sex with a hunger I hadn’t seen for a long time. It was fierce, passionate, explosive, and yet still with that incredibly loving embrace.

As we lay together basking in our shared ecstasy, Sierra asked inquisitively, “So Patience was really sexy huh?”

“Yes, she was certainly into it.” I said, feeling guilty pangs, it felt strange openly talking about sex with another person. Shame, embarrassment, I was feeling them all. Sierra, on the other hand, seemed unburdened.

“Better than me?” she asked whimsically.

“I didn’t realise it was a competition. Sorry, what about you and Leif? Downstairs you sounded pretty keen for a repeat performance, is he better than me?”

She sucked in a sharp breath, and I felt rather than saw her blushing. “It was nice, Reece. Leif was good fun. Not at all like you and me, and no, he wasn’t better. When you and I make love, it is unbeatable.”

“If that’s the case, if our sex is better, then why would you want to do it again?”

“Because it was fun, different, and I enjoyed it. Patience is right, we have a real connection. All of us.”

Over the next month or so, we did swap partners a few times. It became very intense, those feelings of attachment became shared outside of the bedroom. There was lots of open kissing and cuddling, sneaky caresses.

The walls of our marriages were slowly crumbling.

I had to drive into town to get milk one evening. As I backed out the driveway. I saw Patience running out the driveway waving frantically at me. She jumped in, gasping. “Want some company?”

“Yeah, of course.”

She flicked the radio station until she found something she liked. As we settled into the drive, she leaned over and kissed me. It was one of those sexy luscious soul wrenching ones. As we pulled up at an intersection, she quickly unbuckled my jeans and ripped down the zipper.

“What the hell are you doing?” I spluttered nervously.

“Shut up and drive; you focus on the road, please try not to kill us both.” With that, she fished out my dick and her hot wet mouth sucked it inside. Oh god, talk about heaven, I was there.

She sucked and licked, her fingers curled around my balls. It took only a few KM before my cock throbbed, swollen to a full erection, and her head rose and fell as she fucked me with that luscious mouth.

We pulled up outside the supermarket, and I said, “How the hell am I going to go in there?”

“I’ll go.” She giggled, “You stay here and keep this warm until I get back.”

She was gone and back in no time.

We were halfway back when I exploded into her gasping mouth. As she wiped her lips, she smiled and cuddled up beside me. It was then that I felt the fear rising. “Jesus, what have we done? Christ Patience, what will Leif and Sierra say?”

“They will give us some friendly stick, but Leif will be hot. He will make me pay when we go to bed.”

“That’s fine for you, I don’t think Sierra will be so forgiving.”

“Oh sweetie, you underestimate her sometimes. She knows how we feel about each other; she feels the same way. Shit, next time it might be them here.”

Up until that moment, it had all been shared experiences. I was super nervous about telling Sierra, but there’s no way I could keep it a secret. I’m a terrible liar.

Patience was right, and it wasn’t me who told her, it was Patience. I saw them talking secretly after dinner, then I saw Sierra turn quickly and stare at me. I knew there and then, Patience had told her.

That day changed things and our experimentation became more open and didn’t just involve shared experiences. Leif and Sierra had their own alone times, but we were always honest and made sure everybody was aware of what was happening.

Things often happen beyond our control. I was sent away on a three day training course to Dunedin. In the lead up to my leaving, I teased Sierra. “How the hell will you last three days without sex?”

Her answer shouldn’t have shocked me. “Don’t you worry about me. I’m sure Patience will lend me Leif for a night or maybe two.”

She played her teasing game, and in reality, I knew it was probably true. The first night in Dunedin, all the other course attendees, dragged me out on the piss. We did a short pub crawl before returning to our hotel rooms about ten. Drunk, I rang Sierra. “Hey babe,” I slurred drunkenly. “Whatcha doing?”

Her words were muffled and hard to understand. “I’m sucking Leif’s juicy cock. What about you?”

Her words sobered me a little, this was like, in your face stuff.

“You’re with Leif?” I spluttered.

“Yeah babe,” She giggled. “And guess what, Patience, is licking my pussy.”

She had to be joking. “What did you say?” I gasped, shock sending me reeling.

It was Patience who spoke next. “Hello, my darling man. We are all in bed, making love. Oh god, Sierra, tastes divine, doesn’t she?”

There was lots of squishy sloshy sounds, and there was no doubt, they were all going at it. I could hear Leif grunting manfully as he fucked one of them. Patience sighed seductively. “My love, I’m going to put the phone down so you can listen, okay? I love you, sweet man.”

I listened for a while, but it was too much for me. My mind sank into a conflicting vortex of destructive angry jealousy. I was torn between anger and arousal. Driving home and killing them all, or masturbating. I couldn’t listen. I had to disconnect the call, try and catch my breath. I mean, she did warn me, and in many ways I was expecting it, but not all of them. Jesus, a threesome.

I lay there, my head spinning, for what seemed like hours. The phone rang, and I was nervous to answer. “Hello.”

“Hey, honey,” Sierra whispered. “Are you okay? I picked the phone up, and you were gone. Are you all right?”

“Yeah.” I snorted huffily.

“You don’t sound okay. Patience said you would be busy having a wank. I’m guessing she was wrong this time?”

“Yeah, definitely.”

“Are you angry with me?”

“I don’t know, Sierra. I’m confused, everything is happening so fast. I mean, Jesus. A threesome?”

She giggled, it was clear by her voice, she was wasted. “I know, don’t worry, it amazed me as well.”

As we talked, my anger manifested itself in a growled question. “Did you enjoy it?”

“Enjoy, oh my god. You’ve got no idea,” she said in a giggling fit.

“Did you, you, you know. Lick her?”

“I did.” She giggled. “In fact, I thought she was going to suffocate me with her pussy, she was so excited.”

“Holy shit.”

There was that nervous sexy giggle again. “Are we good babe?”

“Yeah, we’re good.” I snorted, not knowing if I truly believed that one little bit.

That was the first of three nights of pure hell.

When I got back, it was like nothing had happened. They were all so open and frank about what occurred that my anger somehow dissipated. All the frustration and bitter words I meant to spray them with, evaporated.

I got to experience it for myself when Leif had to go away for a job. He was gone for two weeks, and over that two weeks, I learned a lot about what it was like to be with two women. Having two equally gorgeous sexy women sucking your dick, is something impossible to describe.

A hot wet mouth engulfing your erection, whilst another lavishes love and affection to your pulsing balls, is pure bliss.

To watch them kissing, with your knob trapped between their velvety lips. Hands all over your body, caressing, stroking was an other-worldly experience.

A man can only do so much, but they were insatiable and all I could do was watch in amazement. I was a physical wreck by the time Leif returned.

Following that, things changed between Sierra and Patience. They became one, and on many occasions made love without Leif or me. They had their own thing, which was fine with me. It was no more than an extension of what we were already doing.

One night, we were relaxing in the lounge, music playing softly, dancing, laughing. It got sexy very quickly. Leif and I were both buggered, long days at work, and we were tired. We were happy sprawled out on the couch talking, beers in hand.

Sierra grabbed Patience, and they started dancing, all good bouncy stuff, until the slow songs started, and then they melded into one. Their mouths locked together in a steamy passionate kiss.

“Oh fuck me, bro. Look at that,” Leif gasped lecherously.

“Bloody hell,” was all I could say.

They went on and on, their hands roaming and wandering, underclothes flying, hands on boobs, arses, squelchy little noises evoking what was unseen.

It did come as a bit of a shock when they returned to the sofa, hand in hand. Patience whispered. “Sorry boys, we’re confiscating our bed. You boys are on your own.”

Leif glanced at me, his expression saying “What the fuck?” His actual words came out as. “Well, what are we supposed to do?”

She sniggered. “Hey, you are big boys, sort it out yourselves. You can do exactly what we’re doing.”

Sierra leaned down. “You don’t mind do you, babe?”

I shrugged, “No, it’s cool.” I was damn sure whatever I said at that point didn’t matter to her anyway.

As they walked off hand in hand, Patience called out teasingly. “Have fun boys, we will.”

Once they were gone, Leif sighed. “Now what?”

“I dunno where you’re sleeping, but I’m going to bed. Good night, mate.”

Our sexual experimentation didn’t always go to plan. Like, when Sierra had to go home and look after her mother for a few days.

Patience decided, rather than her looking after me by herself, we would do it all together. That really shocked me, because I never once in my life had ever wanted to experiment with a guy. I loved Leif, as a brother and mate, but having sex together, no fucking way.

Patience recognised my reluctance, and started slowly. We cuddled together on the sofa, her in the middle, Leif and I on either side. She kissed me, then him, back and forth. She worked on our erections, stroking, and caressing us out of our pants.

“Stand up boys, I want to suck you both.” She said with a lecherous grin.

She directed us like actors in a porno. She had us standing side by side, with out pants around our ankles. With her hands full of straining cock, she started slowly licking us. Her hot wet mouth sliding up and down my glistening shaft, then moving to suck Leith into her glorious mouth. All the while stroking us sensuously.

As the arousal levels soared, she moved us, so we were closer, she pulled on our dicks until they were side by side, our knobs almost touching. Leif, who seemed really into it, leaned against me, his hand gliding up under my shirt, until his fingers tweaked my nipples. Patience was obsessed with trying to rub our dicks together, but I panicked. The whole thing made me so uncomfortable, I viciously pushed away Leif’s hands gasping, “What the fuck?”

I stepped back and Patience stared up at me, with a sad confused look on her face. “Don’t be scared babe, just relax. Come back.”

I shook my head. “Nope, sorry Patience, I’m not into it.”

“Reece,” she sighed. “Come on, my love.”

Leif, who had a slightly embarrassed look on his face said nothing. “No, Patience, I’m not comfortable with that. We can carry on, but I’m not interested in that aspect.”

“Then how the hell can we carry on?” she complained bitterly. “Reece, my sexy lovely man, what is wrong?” She stood up in front of me, her body pressing against me, her mouth on mine, the kiss deep and sensuous. “You enjoyed it when Sierra and I were naked and together, you enjoyed watching us pleasure each other. Why not now?”

“I’m not like you, Patience. You and Sierra are comfortable together. You are sexually attracted to each other. I don’t feel the same way. I shouldn’t have to explain it.”

She sighed deeply. “You’re right, you don’t have to defend yourself. This is a safe place, and we do only what we are comfortable with.”

Her mouth closed back over mine. Her wandering hands sliding over my wilting erection. She massaged and caressed until I was as hard as ever, kneeling before me, she resumed her oral assault, her lips gliding along the firm taut skin, her mouth kissing and sucking on my knob.

Leif was not going to be left out, and was soon positioned behind her, his cock thrusting forcefully into her sloshing pussy.

“Oh god,” she sighed sexily. “I have always wondered what this would feel like, my two sexy men inside me.”

She dragged me down until I was on my knees in front of her. Her body shuddered under Leif’s fearsome attack. His hands clutched at her hips as he drove into her.

The feel of her mouth sucking me was heaven, having to look at Leif’s screwed up face as he fucked her made the whole thing seem weird. I liked looking into the eyes of my lovers, not a grunting beast. Thankfully, Leif’s orgasm was fast and he collapsed beside her in a crumpled heap. Without his face in mine, the sensations built, and I eventually blasted powerfully into her sucking mouth.

Patience wanted to carry on in their bed. Naked, we climbed into bed, Patience between us. Like the conductor, she tried to manoeuvre us, but it was hard for her. She wanted us to be together, but I was more interested in using her as a shield. Leif, chuckled, “Come on dude. I don’t fucking bite.”

“Maybe not, but lets keep it simple; you stay over there, and I’ll stay here. Patience moved towards him, and wriggled her bum. I felt her wetness engulfing my hardening erection. Reaching around, she guided me into her molten squelchy pussy. She pushed back sucking every inch of my shaft deep into her. She kissed Leif passionately, I could see her hand stroking him, his hands mauling her boobs.

The intensity quickly escalated. The wet slap of our flesh colliding in a furious passionate fuck. With all that happened, I didn’t last long, my cum erupting deep inside her.

No sooner had I finished than she climbed off me and clambered onto Leif. She moaned loudly as his cock sank unto her. I lay there watching stupidly as she rode him to her orgasm, which included his. Who could not come when she was atop you, her pussy squeezing you tightly?

We snuggled together and she sighed. “I love this, two sexy men. God, it’s heaven. I rolled away she snuggled behind me and I felt Leif moving in behind her. It was weird. No hiding from that.

“Did you enjoy that, sexy man?” she asked.

“Patience, I will always love being with you, but honestly. That’s not me, I’m struggling.”

She kissed the nape of my neck. “I’m sorry, babe. I had high hopes. I wanted you to enjoy it as much as me.”

“Well, I fucking loved it.” Leif stated firmly.

It wasn’t just that I had to watch him, it was listening as well. He was very vocal, and some of what he said was just borderline.

The next night, Patience wanted a repeat performance, but I hid behind tiredness, I went to bed early, but was surprised by Patience sneaking into the bedroom. “Hey, would you like some company?”

“No thanks, Patience, I am tired, and need some sleep.”

She sat on the edge of the bed, her hand clasping mine. “What’s the problem, honey? I thought you might have had chance to reassess, ponder. I was sort of hoping you might like to try the threesome again.”

“No, I can’t explain it, but that is definitely not for me.”

“So you wouldn’t like a little company before you go off to sleep?”

With a little shrug, I said softly, “That wouldn’t be fair to Leif, would it?”

“He knows I’m here; you must realise he doesn’t mind.”

When Sierra returned, the house slid back into normality, although one night after making love, she asked, “What happened while I was away? Patience said you chickened out of a threesome?”

“Yeah, what can I say, I didn’t like it.”

“Why? You get on so well with Leif, and I know how much you love Patience; why was it an issue?”

“I can’t explain it, call me homophobic if you want. I just hated the idea of our bits touching.”

She laughed loudly. “Bits touching. Shit, you crack me up, babe, you really do. What about if it was with me, you still wouldn’t do it?”

“Hell no, in fact, if it was you, it would be worse. We are different, Sierra. He’s all loud and talking, like he’s narrating the show. I didn’t like it.”

She giggled nervously. “I know you are very different lovers, I think it’s part of why it’s so much fun. But, I still don’t get it. What’s holding you back?”

“I dunno, Sierra. It just feels wrong.”

“Can you explain it? I mean when Patience and I first kissed. It shocked me, I had no idea that I had those feelings. It might be the same for you. Perhaps you just have to let go and take that first step,” she said hopefully.

“Before you kissed, there must have been an attraction, something that made you think you wanted to do it?”

She seemed to be reflecting before she responded. “Yes, there was always something between us. There was definitely an attraction.”

“That’s where we’re different. I feel none of that for Leif. I do love him, but it’s as a brother.”

“But you do love him, that’s a start. You feel something for him.”

“You have a brother, Sierra. You love him, are you sexually attracted?”

“Oh god no, ooooh yuck.”

“That’s what I’m trying to say. I don’t feel any attraction, in fact, the thought of it grosses me out.”‘

She sighed, “That’s sad, I feel sad now.”

“Why?” I asked confused.

“Because you will never really commit to our family, not completely. Patience is scared, as well. It was her who raised it with me. She, Leif and I are fully invested. We see no separation but you still see it as them and us.”

*****

Life as we knew it changed. We shared our sexuality openly, we made love together in one bed, some times we swapped, sometimes we didn’t. It was euphoric, beautiful, and so empowering. Sierra and I had never been closer. The opening of our marriage opened our minds. We talked about things that historically had been taboo, or off limits.

The only road we didn’t cross was sexual interaction between Leif and I. Even when we were in the same bed, there was a line we never crossed.

My fears about jealousy were pretty much extinguished. I think it was because we were friends before we were lovers. We got on so well together negative emotions were smothered. It was such a wonderful period. So much love, such a deep connection, and it was all balanced out.

I can’t explain how our lives changed; the boundaries that had separated our marriages evaporated. Partners ceased to exist, it became as Patience envisioned, just a huge mass of shared love. Who we slept with depended on nothing more than who we were holding when it was time to go to bed. It wasn’t just for sex it was everything. If there was shopping to do or school functions to go to, it was always a mix and match. Just whoever was available or who wanted to be involved.

Even the children lost the concept of Mum and Dad, and treated us all the same. They were sneaky, they knew who to approach when they wanted something that one of us might not agree to.

*****

The world was about to throw a spanner in our works, though, and it came in the form of illness.

Things seemed to get tense around the house, and something seemed to be going on between Leif and Patience, I asked Sierra, but she didn’t know either.

“Well something’s going on,” I said in bed that night. “She wouldn’t even talk to me today.”

“Yeah, it was weird all right. She snapped at me, as well,” Sierra replied as she slid into my arms.

It took a couple of days, but it came out. Leif gathered us all together at the dinner table and the way he hugged Patience so tightly indicated something was up.

“Look I don’t know how to say this. I’ve been going over it in my head, and really I’m just going to say it. Patience has been diagnosed with Glioblastoma; it’s a brain tumour.”

Sierra sprung out of her seat and flew into Patience’s arms, and that broke Patience, who had been trying to stay strong. The moment Sierra was in her arms, the tears burst out. Although her head was tucked into Sierra’s shoulder, I watched her body shuddering as she sobbed, clinging on vainly for support.

When I glanced up at Leif, he was struggling. I stood and walked to stand by his side. I draped my arm over his shoulder and held him. That’s when he broke down, as well, his distraught sobs explosive and uncontrollable.

The girls opened their arms and we sank into a group hug. We stood like that for a long time, nobody wanting to break the circle. It was a moment of extreme deep emotion.

Eventually, we had to break. Leif blubbered, “We’re not telling the kids, not yet. You have to promise to keep this just between us.”

“How bad is it?” I asked, fearing the answer.

Patience sniffled, wiped away some tears and said. “They have given me six to 12 months.”

“What?” Sierra gasped. “No, there has to be something we can do?” The look in Patience’s eyes was sheer terror, and panic. She trembled as she spoke, the words coming out slowly.

“No, it’s already well advanced, there is no cure. They are going to offer me some treatments, but that will only delay the inevitable, give me time, and we are talking months, not years.”

The tears started again and I had to ask, “What happens now? I mean, are you going to continue working? Going on holiday, what?”

“We don’t know, Bro, we have only had a couple of days to think about this. She’s definitely quitting her job, as of right now.”

“Yes, absolutely,” I spluttered in response. “Shit, what can we do?”

“There’s nothing. We’re gonna lean on you guys pretty hard for child minding, apart from that, God knows.”

“We’re on it, bro. And don’t worry about the finances, either. I’ll make sure that’s covered.”

What a night. There were tears, hugs. Bouts of absolute despondency.

In bed that night, cuddled up together, Sierra broke down again and she sobbed in my arms. “Poor Patience, oh my god it’s not fair. She’s so kind, and generous. At school, the kids love her. It’s not bloody fair, Reece.”

“No, I agree, she is special, there’s no justice sometimes.”

The next few days Patience and Leif were gone most of time. They had the specialists, blood tests, MRI, cat scans, the full works. Every night was terrible. Patience looked terrible. Seeing such a vibrant warm person reduced to a crying mess was shocking. It brought us all down.

Personally, I had never felt so let down by life, so disillusioned.

The world was full of horrible people: murderers, rapists, and yet somebody as beautiful as Patience was going to be cut down. No, it wasn’t fair. It affected my whole outlook. At work, I snapped and bit, I was moody and hard to deal with. At home, I was just useless.

It sounds bad, but I avoided Patience, I didn’t know what to say. It’s not that I didn’t care, or had no sympathy. Inside, I was devastated. I just didn’t know how to put it in words.

Sierra was the opposite: she tried to be with her all the time, they were inseparable.

Leif, I think, felt like I did; he isolated himself as well.

Patience went downhill pretty quickly. One day she was a bubbly effervescent woman who loved life, and the next minute she was thrown into this maelstrom of pain, medication, doctors visits, never ending nausea and a desperation born of the desire to see her children grow old.

It created disharmony between Sierra and me, as well. She asked me to drive her to the supermarket. We were barely out of the driveway when she started in on me screaming at the top of her voice, the windscreen covered in her flying spittle. “What the fuck is wrong with you, Reece? Patience is dying, and you can’t even talk to her. It’s bad enough she has to go through this, but your behaviour is abysmal. Don’t think she doesn’t notice, because she does.”

“I’m sorry, babe, I just don’t know what to say to her. I feel so useless.”

“Christ, just talk to her, sit with her. Hold her in your arms. Bloody hell, the way you’re acting is so callous. You can’t just cut her off.”

“I know, but what do I do?”

“I just bloody told you, hold her, tell her how much she means to you. She needs us, and we have to be there for her.”

“Yeah, I know you’re right, but I feel like such a ponce, not knowing what to say.”

Sierra calmed down, and put her hand on my leg. “Reece, after dinner tonight, take her for a walk, hold her hand, hold her in your arms, kiss her, tell her you love her.”

When we got back from the supermarket, I found Patience lying in the hammock at the back. She had her eyes closed, just singing. As I stood over her, I asked, “Got room for company?”

Her eyes opened, and a little smile crossed her face. “Always for you.”

I climbed in and she nestled up to me, her head resting on my shoulder. “I’m sorry I’ve been distant, Patience. I have been feeling a bit lost, didn’t know what to say.”

She reached up with her finger tips and placed them on my lips. “Shush, you’re here now.”

I held her tightly, and as we rocked, she said breathlessly, “Will you promise me something?”

“Yes, anything.”

“Reece, I want you to promise me you’ll look after Leif when I’m gone.”

“Patience…”

“No, don’t say it, I am dying, Reece, and there’s nothing we can do to change that. What’s important to me is that Leif and the children are looked after. Once I’m gone, they are going to need help. Leif will be a mess. He will need you and Sierra.”

With a deep sigh, I whispered. “Of course. We will do whatever we can.”

“I don’t want him moping around the place. He is still young. He needs to find somebody. You have to help.”

“Yes, I will do my best.”

“Thank you, Reece. I never told you this, but I’m saying it now so you will understand. I love you. I have felt it for a long time now. I have this incredible connection with you. I just wanted you to know how much I care for you.”

I felt tears rolling down, congealing on my chest and in her hair. “I love you, as well, Patience. You are such a wonderful friend.”

“I’m sorry but I don’t think I can make love right now. I desperately want to, but if you could just hold me please.”

I held onto her tightly, the trembling scared me, it was like her whole body shuddered.

“I love you, Reece. I never set out to, but I do, I love Sierra as well, and I told her how I felt about you. She understood. She wasn’t angry.”

We swung slowly in the hammock, the motion somehow easing the emotions.

“How could anybody be angry with you?” I whispered.

She sniffled softly, wiping her nose on my T-shirt. “God it feels so good having you in my arms. Leif has been so detached, he doesn’t know what to do. He is scared of hurting me.”

“I think I know how he feels. Maybe I could talk to him, explain,” I murmured.

“No, don’t you dare,” she snarled. “He has to come to me.”

We cuddled in the hammock until Sierra called us for dinner. I lifted her out and was amazed by how light she was. Bloody hell, she must be barely fifty Kilo’s.

The kids, who didn’t really understand, dominated dinner as they always did. They talked about school and general stuff, but it kept the mood high.

After dinner, Patience grabbed my hand. “D’ya wanna watch a movie with me?”

“Yeah, what are we going to watch?”

She giggled. “Oh I don’t know, something mushy, something romantic.”

As I helped the kids clean the table down, Patience said, “We’re going out to the swing for a while. You get the movie ready.”

Going out to the swing meant they were going out to get stoned. I floundered around in the box containing all the DVDs and found “Sleepless in Seattle.” Cheesy, but there wasn’t much to choose from. About half an hour later, she came and curled up on the sofa. “Lets start without them. They are out getting wasted.”

As the movie started, she sniggered, “Oh my god. “Sleepless in Seattle”.”

“Sorry, I didn’t know what to put in.”

“God, you’re a devil for punishment. I love it, but do you really want to sit through it?”

“If it means I get to spend time with you, then it’ll be worth it. I might get a beer, though.”

When I returned, she wriggled around getting close, her head resting on my shoulder.

We watched the movie. Sierra and Leif came in a little while later and Sierra came and snuggled with Patience and me. Leif got some more beers and he sat on the floor in front of us. We laughed like old times. Joking and making fun of the movie opened up some dialogue, and for the first time in a long time, the house was momentarily bathed in joy.

I may have promised Patience, but the first moment I got alone with Leif I let him have both barrels, just like Sierra did to me. “Mate, you have got to put aside your sadness. You have got to get close to Patience, she misses you.”

“Yeah, I know. I feel it, but I’m lost, dude. I’m fucked if I know what to say to her.”

“Say that, say anything. God, I know how you feel, but you have to push past that.”

He grabbed me. Instantly, we were locked in a bear hug to end all hugs. “I’m scared, bro, what the fuck am I gonna do?”

“Love her man, love her. Hold her, cuddle her, talk to her. Be honest, cherish every moment. Tell her you’re scared. She is waiting, and the longer you leave it. The harder it will get.”

Thankfully, Leif was able to move past his fears, and it was nice to see them cuddling and talking intimately. The changes in Patience were plain to see. With Leif fully beside her, she seemed happier in herself.

Patience became the centre of our world. We did everything we could to ease her pain, to make her smile. We bathed her in communal love.

One night, we were snuggled together on the sofa, Sierra and Leif outside having a joint. She snuggled close. “Will you sleep with me tonight, Reece?”

The swapping had come to a halt when she became ill. I thought we were doing the right thing by giving them time to themselves. Patience had other ideas. “I miss you, my love. I miss you so much. Would you mind?”

“Mind, god I would love to, we just thought you and Leif…”

“No, you are my man, just as much. If you don’t want to, just say.”

“No, I want to, I would love to.”

She smiled, “I hoped you’d say that. Poor Leif, he has needs, and I can’t satisfy them anymore.”

That sounded calculated, but I didn’t care. That night, I held her in my arms as we drifted off to sleep. It was hard for me to sleep, but having her there just seemed right.

We swapped many times over the next couple of months. All Patience and I ever did was kiss and cuddle, but that was more than enough for me. If I was Leif, I would have wanted to keep her for myself, grab every moment, but he and I had different views on the world. He, more than I realised we were a group, not two couples.

Unfortunately, the end was closer than any of us thought, and in only a few short months she was gone.

The last few days were the worst days of my life. Watching her wither and waste away before our eyes was heart breaking.

As the days dragged on, she asked the others to leave her and I alone as she lay in her bed, gasping for every breath.

She whispered croakily, “Hold me, Reece, I want to feel you against me.”

I leaned over the bed, and she gripped me, her mouth, dry and parched, caressed mine. As she let me go, she said. “Lover, I need to talk about your promise, okay?”

“Yes.” My words stuttery, hesitant between the sniffles.

“What I am going to ask, is not fair, but I am going to ask anyway. I want you to swear on my life, you will do everything in your power to hold our family and home together. Our children are going to need you more than ever.”

I didn’t answer straight away; I didn’t know what to say. “Please, my sweet, promise me, grant me that one dying wish.”

“I will try, Patience.”

“No, not good enough Reece, I need more. Leif is going to be hopeless after I go. I can see it now, he isn’t strong like you, he’s lost and alone. I need you and Sierra to step up. I need you, please, swear, Reece. You will do everything you possibly can to hold this family together, I know it will be hardest for you, but I need you to follow through.”

I nodded. “I swear, Patience. I will do everything in my power.”

“Thank you, I knew I could rely on you. That’s the difference between you and Leif, he is a dreamer, a procrastinator. I need you to be strong for me. He will need you, but he will need Sierra more.” That last part didn’t register then, with all the emotion I was feeling, but would come back to bite me in the butt.

We hugged for a while and she whispered in my ear. “I love you so much, I am going to miss you.”

My tears puddled on her pillow, and I kissed her again. “I will miss you more.”

“Reece, babe, could you get me a drink please?”

I went to get her fresh water, and the others all streamed in.

*****

The house filled with family, and friends. Luckily we had all the spare rooms. They were filled with to the brim.

Patience refused to go into palliative care; she wanted her last days to be in out loving warm home. We made up a bedroom for her downstairs. The doctor set everything up for us, the drip for fluids, and Sierra and I were shown how to administer morphine. God it was hard, so very bloody hard. She couldn’t eat, in so much pain, we had her stuffed full of morphine.

It was wonderful having the family support. But it brought us to a stand still. Sierra had to take time off work just to manage meals. She looked exhausted.

The end came quickly after that. The wider family were chased away for the final few moments.

We gathered around her bed as she drifted in and out of consciousness, her breathing shallow and ragged. Leif held one hand, Sierra the other, her family watched in horror as she drew her last breath. Drugs meant it wasn’t painful, but it was heartbreaking.

Leif broke down completely afterwards. He cried, although that doesn’t really describe it. I have never seen a human suffer the way he did. Sierra and I had to prise his hand from Patience’s. I shepherded him out of the bedroom, giving the family a chance to hold her and do their own grieving.

He was swamped by his Mum and Dad, who escorted him away. He was a broken man, completely destroyed by grief.

I could see he wanted help, and I chased after them, pulling him into a tight forceful hug. He held me in his arms, and we strained, our muscles aching as we rocked to and fro, my shirt soon wet with our combined tears. It was impossible to not be moved. I felt his fingers clutching vainly at my shirt as his grip tightened, his whole body shuddering. He was broken, he felt weak and fragile.

“What the fuck am I going to do, bro? She was my life, everything. I’m nothing without her.”

“I know, mate. We understand, but it will get better, at least she’s in a better place. No more pain.”

“Oh yeah, easy for you to say, bro. Fuck me, we have never been apart since we met. I love her with everything. It’s not bloody fair.”

“No, you’re right, she did nothing to deserve that. She was a wonderful loving person.”

“What about our kids, what are they going to do?”

“We can help; we promised Patience we would do everything in our power to make their lives better. Sierra will help, mate. She gets on great with them, and now we will step up.”

“Thanks, bro,” he mumbled, incoherently, his body still trembling.

It was sad, cripplingly so. The house was cast in a dark gloomy shadow nobody could shift.

The funeral was huge. It made us realise what a vast shadow her passing had created. Family were there from the lengths and breadth of the country, friends and her teaching colleagues from the school, pupils and their families.

With the funeral done, it was back to our place for the wake. Leif was inconsolable. Totally useless, his parents tried to comfort him.

It was impossible for all of us, and he went downhill pretty quickly. We hoped once the family was gone, he would improve, but nothing we did or said seemed to help. He never even said goodbye to his family as they left

I shepherded him outside to get some air. All the kids came out and jumped onto his lap, and the five of them cried together. The outpouring of grief was immense.

I went back inside to help Sierra, she came into my arms and we hugged, as only they who have lost somebody dear to them can.

“Where’s Leif?” she asked, and I explained. She gave me a kiss, saying. “I might go and sit with him for a while.”

“Yeah, good idea.” I replied.

The kids, sad and exhausted, drifted off to bed. I went in and sat with them, it had been a long day, and they didn’t understand. This was Patience’s realm: she was the nurturer, mother superior, and they were going to miss her influence. We talked for a while; it’s hard to explain death. Eventually they drifted off to sleep.

Leif stayed out on the swing seat by himself throughout the ordeal. Sierra came and went as she tried to stay with him, comfort him.

She was by my side as we finished the cleaning up and stacking away the dishes. That’s when she sidled up close, her body pressed hard up against me. Her breasts crushed against my back, her head on my shoulder. She whispered in my ear. “I might go back out and see if I can calm him down. He’s distraught.” She reached around and waved a joint under my nose. “This might help.”

Patience certainly left behind a huge hole that was going to be impossible to fill. The void was as deep as the Hikurangi trench.

I poked my head out to see how they were getting on over the next couple of hours, I could hear him wailing like a wounded beast, cuddled together in the cool evening air.

I tried to busy myself, cleaning, walking around. It was impossible to avoid Patience, memories were everywhere, everywhere I looked, there was a photograph, or one of her paintings. Christ, I missed her as well, it wasn’t bloody fair. She was my lover, my confidante, the moderator when Sierra and I fought. Christ I loved her every bit as much as Leif, she was part of me, she was woven into the fabric of my life. Her dreams, her vision for our family, had come true, only to be shattered by her death.

Everybody was so focused on supporting Leif, they forgot about me, I was hurting just as much. Still, I realised, she was his wife, and I needed to be strong for the family.

The dark despondent cloud of doom, refused to lift. I had a few whiskey’s, a couple of beers, nothing quenched the pain. I wanted to hold Sierra; at least we still had each other.

I was falling into the same deep pit that Leif was in. When Sierra walked in, she looked terrible. Her eyes were red, puffy, her face tear stained, her hair matted and dishevelled where Leif’s tears had fallen.

She slid into my arms, her mouth closed over mine and we kissed. It wasn’t sexual, it was fuel to sustain life, ease the pain that she felt as well as me.

She broke the kiss, her head buried in the nape of my neck. “Reece, can we talk about Leif for a moment?”

I tried to read her face, it was an impossibility, so fill of grief, but there was something else, hiding in there was it hope… . “Yeah, of course. He’s in a bad way. God I hate seeing him suffer that way.”

“I don’t think he should be alone tonight. He is a mess, saying all sorts of silly things.”

“What are you suggesting?”

“Babe, he needs us, I was going to suggest he sleeps with us tonight, maybe a few nights.”

“Do you think that’s such a good idea? He might prefer to be alone.”

She looked pensive as she replied. “Would it hurt for him to share our bed until he’s feeling a little more stable?”

“No, I suppose it’d be all right.” I didn’t mean for it to sound so cold, but I was confused. Our world was in a state of complete upheaval. Maybe it was the right thing to do?

She slipped into my arms and we shared a tear dampened kiss, a sweet poignant moment. It wasn’t just Leif who was suffering the immense loss. We all felt it, we were all trying to deal with it.

With a final kiss, she moved towards the door. “I’ll go and tell him.”

When they came in later, hand in hand, he looked a beaten man, broken. He approached me looking distraught. “You must think I’m a fucking loser.” He mumbled incoherently.

“No, mate, I understand. We are all feeling it. Hopefully a good nights sleep will make us all feel a little better. We’re here for you, mate, we’ll get through this together.”

He grabbed me, his strong arms circling me, crushing me in one of his infamous bear hugs. God he was physically strong.

Sierra made us some nettle tea before she said, “Come on, I’m exhausted. Lets get some sleep, aye?”

It wasn’t the first time our bed had housed three people. Usually though, it was Patience, Sierra and I. Leif was a lot bigger, and as it turned out, a lot more annoying. He had such a restless sleep he kept us all awake. Especially Sierra, who was crushed between us.

Showered and refreshed, the morning came around. I’m not sure why I thought things would be better. The house was cold, the sombre emotions flooded the place. Everywhere you looked there were remnants of Patience. I swear I could still smell her presence.

We sat around the big table for breakfast. There was no talking apart from Leif snapping at the kids for no reason. Usually he was the happy boisterous one. He almost encouraged the kids to be cheeky. On any normal day, it was me telling them to pull their heads in.

It was tough on the kids, as well. They were in this thing with us. Straight after eating, the kids all vanished outside. After helping Sierra with tidying up, I decided to see if I could at least lift the kids spirits. I found them out the back, sitting together in a circle.

“You guys want to go for a bike ride? I thought we could tackle the track up behind the creek.”

They all sprang to their feet, and the race was on. We dragged the mountain bikes out, and we hit the trail. The joy evident as they all giggled and laughed as they tried to get to the front. It was bloody hard going, and we were all crawling as we crested the ridge where the countryside flattened out into a plateau. The kids all streamed off, even the girls left me in their dust.

I found them all stopped at the gate. We all settled down in a circle to catch our breath. “Dad, why is Dad being so grumpy?” Autumn, whispered uncomfortably.

“Sweetheart, you have to cut everybody a little slack. People grieve differently. He is really struggling, as we all are. We just need to give everybody time.”

“But he is so moody,” Harmony, sighed. “We are scared to talk to him, he bites our heads off.”

I called her in for a hug. “Sweetheart, he is angry at the world, not at you. He misses your Mum, just like we all do, and now he is going to need our help.”

“Is Dad going to be okay?” Hawk, asked nervously.

“I think he will be all right. Like all of us, he needs time. He is feeling it.”

“Do you believe in heaven? I’m worried about Mum,” Autumn whispered.

“I believe that your mum is in a better place. We all saw how much pain she was in. At least now she isn’t suffering.” Suddenly, my arms were full of crying kids. Yes, they were feeling it as well. We spent an age talking about the good moments. Memories filled with laughter and love, memories that would last a lifetime.

“She will be with us forever. I know I will never forget her. When we need her most, she will be standing beside us, holding our hand, cuddling us. She was a special woman, I loved her as well, you know.”

The ride back down the hill raised the spirits. The screaming and laughing returned as we raced to the bottom. After we put away the bikes, the kids rushed inside to give, Sierra a hug and to ask if she needed help.

I found Leif in the shed, loading implements and materials onto his ute. “Need a hand, mate?”

“Nah, all done bro. I need a little space, okay mate? Just give me some room to breathe,” he said curtly.

“No worries, mate. Call out of you need a hand.”

Back at the house, I found Sierra crying, her head bowed doing some cleaning. “Where are the kids?” I asked.

“Up in their room I guess.” She sighed forlornly as she tried to rub the pattern off the plates she was drying.

She slipped into my arms, the tears staining my shirt. “I can’t do this, Reece. Patience is everywhere. I still feel her. Leif was grief stricken again. He wouldn’t talk. The kids… I don’t know what to say to them. I’m lost.”

“It’ll get better, Sierra. We have to understand it won’t suddenly get better. We need to stick together. Support each other and be there for one another.”

“You’re right. Thank you for last night. Leif definitely needed us.”

“Yeah, I tried to talk to him outside, but he’s not ready to talk.”

“No, he bit my head off, as well.”

“I’m going to try and help the kids, the ride up the hill seemed to help.”

She nodded. “Yeah, they were pretty chirpy when you returned.”

I found them in their room, huddled together. When I walked in, they all rushed into my arms. This whole thing wasn’t fair. The kids were in every bit as much pain as we were, maybe more. I gathered them together, and said, “What say we take a walk up the creek and find some eels?”

That was met with some joy. As we walked downstairs, Sierra saw the kids huddled against me, and asked, “Where are you going?”

“For a walk up by the creek,” I mumbled. She looked at us and I saw the sorrow on her face.

The kids and I walked up the river. We turned over rocks looking for the tiny eels, we skipped stones on the water, they climbed trees and we hunted for the shiny stones they loved to collect. The whole time, we talked about Patience, their mother. Even my kids called her Mum. I turned around to find Sierra watching us intently. “Can I join in?” she asked hopefully.