“I think it was that night when he last tried to have sex with me. I tied him up and edged him for ages. I was saying all the right things, using some of the few fantasies we’d shared. I took him well beyond his normal tolerance as I was so angry at him. Why did he want to fuck me when he couldn’t make me pregnant?
“That anger was always just below the surface but it wasn’t until I saw his results, I realised what that feeling in me was. I just knew something was wrong and it was his fault.
“I suppose those feelings meant the counsellor was more able to overcome my resistance to cheating on him. To be the one in control!”
Sarah’s face gave nothing away, “Dorothy, was there anything else fuelling the anger?”
Dorothy smiled, “It was the time of the big business deal. He was seldom home before 9pm, away by 7am. If I managed to delay him for a few minutes to speak, I could sense the underlying tone of exasperation. He didn’t want to speak with me. All I got were platitudes. When this deal was over, we’d have time together, make up for what we had missed. I didn’t believe him. There would always be a new deal to chase. I felt neglected, undervalued and alone. If I asked about any details of the deal, he shut me down. We had discussed his business all the time. I gave him suggestions which he sometimes took. I felt ostracised.
“I began to see Belinda as a competitor rather than what she is, a great PA. She knew more about Jeremy than I did, I thought. I started to work out, to make myself more attractive to him. I even looked at more sensual lingerie but when I did, wondered why I should? For him, he no longer valued me. I didn’t buy any.”
Sarah asked, “Are there any more anger issues for you?”
Dorothy looked sad, “He did make the effort he said he would. He came home more on time and tried to be engaged with me. I went out most nights but he seldom challenged me. It just emphasised to me, he had moved away from me. When I left the house, I was often in tears, he’d made no attempt to stop me.
“Until the Friday when we had the initial bust up, that’s probably what was driving my anger towards him.”
Sarah smiled, “I’m not going to address the last few weeks tonight. I don’t want you to talk in any depth over it until we have discussed it. It does need to be addressed.
“There are a couple of big questions, I have to ask you. Have you had sexual relations with anyone other than Jeremy since you’ve been together, especially in recent months?”
Dorothy took a deep breath. She looked straight at me, “I haven’t been with any man other than Jeremy. He took my virginity and he is still the only man to have touched my body, my private parts apart from medical examinations. Even then I try as much as possible to have female staff.”
Sarah asked, “From Jeremy, he says you knew how he hates tattoos. Why did you have one, particularly, a saddle tramp one?”
Dorothy smiled. She stood up and turn around before dropping her skirt. She had on for her, small panties. There was no tattoo. There appeared to be a fading outline of one.
She turned to me, “I’m sorry, that was very cruel. I knew your feelings. Hell, the thought of those needles make me wince. The counsellor wanted me to up the pressure on you to accede to allowing me to be in charge. Yvonne found a henna tattoo which she said was infamous for saying “I fuck around.” It needed to be Mike’s phone to make you react but he was never in the room. Yvonne had me strip off. She made me wear her micro thong as my panties weren’t suitable. She placed the tattoo on my back so the thong enhanced the look. She posed me. After she took the picture, she showed it to me. I was shocked at how much I was displaying but I understood it was needed to make you react, give me control. I knew the thought of Mike apparently seeing so much, me almost nude and the tattoo would drive you wild. We added the caption.
“After the week I had endured, I thought you deserved it. My subconscious was going you’re fucking killing your marriage but I was so caught up in the moment, I didn’t take a second to think before I pressed send. We removed the photo immediately. I made sure there were no copies like you showed me.
“I was just dressed when you replied. According to that counsellor, I should expect a mild why, not the fury which came back. When we opened the photographs and saw the divorce papers, I was beside myself. I’d fucked up my marriage. My brain and I finally connected as I realised the shite I had been doing. I cried for over an hour.
“When I came home, you were gone. I was truly alone.
“We’ve only spoken since on the day of the tests and today. After we spoke on Friday, I reread my texts and WhatsApp’s. I saw my anger but no love. Not once did I apologise to you for what I did to us. I gave all the blame to you. I cried until I had no tears left.
“Jeremy I’m so sorry. I wish I had confided with Belinda not Susan and Yvonne. She would have sent us to the right clinic and to Sarah. None of this would have happened.”
Sarah spoke softly, “Dorothy do you still see yourself as being the only one with control of your body? In control of Jeremy?”
Dorothy looked at Sarah, “No. I knew it was not what I wanted yet my anger allowed me to be persuaded. Jeremy told me you suggest equal partners, I’d like that. I’d like us to be able to talk like we did before.”
Sarah asked, “Is there anything else you would add to your wish list?”
Dorothy blushed, “Jeremy mentioned a better sex life. I’d like that. I’ve stopped him trying things and afterwards I’ve rowed with myself. I’ve wanted more. On Friday, he told me how the nurse had helped him produce his specimen. I so wanted to be that woman for him.”
Sarah smiled, “Sounds like there’s a story there. I suggest we meet up twice a week to begin with. Initially, we’ll concentrate on communication before we address your sexual relations. If you can speak clearly in a way the other understands, your sex life should improve.
“I think individual sessions as well until we have a stable base for each of you, consensus on what you both wish.”
Dorothy asked softly, “You haven’t asked Jeremy, he may not want to continue these sessions.”
Sarah smiled warmly, “They are what he wanted. Over the next few weeks, you’ll see how much he loves you and he’ll see how much you love him. In the meantime, don’t stress about the past, look forward.”
Dorothy asked Sarah, “Can I ask Jeremy to come home? I’ll sleep in the guest bedroom if he wishes. Can we have sex?”
Sarah smiled, “It is up to Jeremy if he wishes to return home. It is alright for him to take a few days to think about it and you to. Your emotions are everywhere. As for sex, if you do it must be freely given, you can’t offer him it to salve your conscience. It must be because you want to make love with him.”
Dorothy blushed like I have never seen her blush, “I don’t. I want him to do to me what he fantasied about to make him cum three times in the clinic. When he told me, I could have torn my clothes off in the restaurant and had him fuck me there.”
Sarah laughed. I was shocked, this was a Dorothy I had never seen.
Sarah asked quietly, “Have you been having more powerful erotic thoughts since everything blew up?”
Dorothy looked nervous, “I have. It’s been mind blowing. I’ve always repressed my desires. I’m sorry Jeremy but when I was caressing Mike’s cock, I saw your face, the control slipping, the anger but also jealousy. My mind went you punched him and lifted me up, put me over your knee and spanked me hard. I was screaming calling you names and as a result, you took my panties down to spank my bare bum. Everyone nearby saw my bare cunt. If you’d grabbed me instead of walking away, I would have raped you in the car. In our house had you grabbed me and thrown me on the bed, I would have done anything you asked.
“Each night, I waited for you to act. I thought of things to arouse you but I never did those. I should have and for the last fourteen years I should have. I need help to do those things you want.
“If Sarah can mend us, make us better, I’ll make all this up to you for the rest of my life.”
Sarah smiled, “Dorothy you aren’t alone. The circumstances brought your desires to the surface. Whatever Jeremy fantasied about struck a chord with you. Being open about desires is necessary. As you repressed them for so long it seems overwhelming, almost out of control. I will help you get control of them. Jeremy will explore his desires with us.
“If Jeremy comes home, I suggest bland sex to begin with but use every room in the house. Think about a fantasy you would like to have happen to you, not the other, in each room. We’ll maybe discuss some of those at the appropriate time.
“There will come a time when you desire that fuck from the clinic as you’ll know you are ready. To soon, you may fail if it involved stuff you haven’t done. Like when he took your virginity, you’ll know the right time.
“We’ll end there if there are no other questions. We’ve covered a lot of ground. I’m sure you will need to talk about many bits we covered. Do so but try and not judge, listen. It will take time to understand. With love you will succeed.”
As we left, Dorothy asked, “Do you wish to come home? I can cook a meal or just drop me off.”
I smiled, “A home cooked meal sounds lovely but I think we should go to a restaurant and let them cook. The session was very gruelling for me and I’m sure even worse for you.”
We did have a lovely meal. At the end I spoke softly, “Dorothy, I’m not coming home tonight.” Her eyes showed she was sad. “When I first saw Sarah, I spent the next few days wrestling with the thoughts she had brought out and how I reacted to what had happened. It was very emotional. I cried a lot. I think you need the space to do the same. I’ll probably be doing the same.
“I think Sarah said the right thing we can focus on. Our love will get us through this if we take our time to heal, listen and learn. Mind you the only thought in my mind at the moment is you as my clinic fantasy!”
Dorothy laughed, “You’re probably right. My emotions are everywhere but I do hope I can do that for you soon.”